Zero Double D

Did Osama bin Laden actually survive the US special forces assault on his secret compound in Pakistan? Is the evil terror genius behind a sinister new plot to bring the West to its knees? A new book by a former US Navy SEAL – who claims to have been involved in the raid that allegedly killed bin Laden – is sensationally claiming to blow the lid both on the biggest Al Qaeda terror plot since 9/11 and the truth behind the supposed assassination of Osama bin Laden. “That movie – Zero Dark Thirty – is just a crock. Propaganda put out by the Obama White House to divert attention from what really went down,” claims ex US Navy SEAL Nick Swinger, author of the sensational new book Zero Double D. “The guy we mowed down in that house wasn’t Osama. He was a double – and not a very convincing one either!” Incredibly, Swinger’s book claims that Osama was present at the raid and was even held briefly by the US special forces, but was quickly cut loose. “We should never have let those women – supposedly his wives – go,” he laments. “One of them was him!” According to Swinger, bin Laden wasn’t simply disguised as a woman, he was a woman. “He’d had a full sex change – to all intents and purposes, he is now a woman,” Swinger explains, adding that the subterfuge had only come to light following a subsequent raid on a private clinic in Islamabad, long suspected of having connections to Al Qaeda. “We found his whang and balls floating in a jar there – in the section of the clinic devoted to gender reassignment procedures. We’re sure it was his – we did genetic tests and everything. Why they kept it, we don’t know – maybe they were in awe of it: the whang that destroyed the Twin Towers, or something like that.”

However, the gender reassignment work of the clinic wasn’t what had interested the US. “Cosmetic surgery was their main business – especially breast enlargement,” says Swinger. “Some of the world’s top breast guys trained there – and were indoctrinated in Al Qaeda – they work in clinics across the globe now.” According to the now retired special forces operative’s book, the raid uncovered evidence of a massive terror plot involving Al Qaeda sleepers working in European and US cosmetic surgery clinics, inserting explosive breast implants into their patients. Indeed, Swinger alleges that the recent scare over possibly toxic breast implants which resulted in thousands of women having them removed, was actually the result of an Al Qaeda plot. “What people don’t realise is that those breast implants really were ticking time bombs,” he explains. “All that business about possibly toxic materials having been used in breast enhancement operations by cowboy cosmetic surgeons was just a cover, designed to prevent mass panic!” They key evidence the raid on the clinic turned was a set of explosive implants. “Initially the guys on the operation thought they were just normal implants and started playing around with them,” Swinger says. “Then one of them dropped one and it blew half the clinic apart, killing two of the SEALs and injuring several others. The devastation was incredible. The whole place was reduced to rubble – by just one falsie!”

The CIA allegedly immediately issued a red terror alert, warning the President of the threat of an imminent wave of attacks involving the implants. “It was Al Qaeda’s biggest operation since 9/11,” says Swinger. “They’d succeeded in turning huge numbers of women into unwitting suicide bombers! The public at large just don’t realise how close we came to seeing a wave of exploding women!” His book controversially claims that Al Qaeda undercover operatives working as cosmetic surgeons carried out breast enhancement procedures on thousands of women across two continents, during which they inserted implants constructed from plastic explosive. “They were impossible to tell apart from the regular implants – the explosives they contained were the liquid type, the kind they were always supposed to be using to blow up airliners, by smuggling it aboard disguised as bottles of water,” Swinger says. “Trust me, you wouldn’t have been able to tell the difference, either by looking at them or groping them.”

The women affected came from all walks of life, Swinger claims in his book, ranging from ordinary housewives to well-known actresses. “They were clearly planning to strike at all aspects of American life,” the former SEAL opines. “From some poor suburban bank worker blown up in his own bed whilst fondling his wife’s new breasts in a bit of foreplay, to Hollywood itself – the very heart of US culture.” Indeed, Swinger alleges that Al Qaeda had planned to detonate the breast bombs of a well-known female celebrity during the recent Oscar ceremony, whilst she was presenting an award, a claim denied by the Academy. “Obviously, it’s all been covered up by the authorities for security reasons,” says Swinger. “But all you have to do is see which female celebrity had a flatter chest as the ceremony than they had a few months earlier and you’ll see that it’s true.”

The planned attacks weren’t confined to the US, with European women also being targeted. Indeed, a few attacks proved successful, including one against a notorious UK tabloid newspaper, whose newsroom was blown up by a pair of double D cups attached to a topless model. “The journalists were all ogling her cleavage when she went off,” Swinger says. “The UK authorities said it was a gas explosion, but it was actually Al Qaeda’s revenge for all the anti-Islamic propaganda the rag had been pumping out.” The mechanism by which Al Qaeda is detonating the explosive impacts is unclear, although Swinger has some ideas of his own. “We know it can’t be based on impact, otherwise these women would have been going off every time they were groped or soaped themselves in the shower,” he muses. “My money is on them using some kind of remote radio detonation system. A guy I know in the CIA reckons they use the wires in underwired bras as a receiver, but I reckon that they conceal small wire aerials in the nipples during the breast enhancement operations. So, my advice would to be wary of big breasted women with obviously erect nipples approaching you – they’ve obviously been remotely primed to go off!”