“They’re saying that it’s all about oil, but that’s just bullshit, if you ask me,” claims Democratic congressman Ed Stouper, in reference to President Trump’s illegal attack on Venezuela and the kidnapping of its president “Stealing their oil – that’s just a blind, a diversionary tactic. I think that it is actually about drugs” Stouper points out that, prior to the attack on Venezuela, the Trump administration was claiming that Venezuela was a ‘narco-state’, funded by the export of drugs and presided over by President Maduro, who was in cahoots with a drug cartel. Indeed, in the build up to their outrageous breach of international law, Trump and his cronies were justifying the sinking of fishing boats off the Venezuelan coast with the claim that they were actually smuggling drugs to the US. “Notice how all that drugs talk has gone quiet since the US started ‘running’ Venezuela?” asks Stouper. “They have even backed off from the claim that Maduro was collaborating with a cartel. In fact, they are even trying to say now that the specific cartel they named, doesn’t actually exist! Instead, they are now focusing on extorting oil from Venezuela, which will be exported to the US for free, then ‘sold’ by Trump himself!” But, ponders the congressman, what if those barrels of ‘oil’ were in fact stuffed with drugs and that this was the plan all along – to tap into those tons of drugs the US previously claimed that Venezuela was manufacturing and exporting? A supply of drugs worth millions, going directly into the control of Donald Trump.
“I know, I know. It sounds fantastic, but bear with me here,” declares the Democratic lawmaker. “You see, the key to this plot is US Secretary of State Marco Rubio who, as a teenager, apparently helped his late brother-in-law with his exotic pet import business, A business that was actually a front for importing narcotics into the US via Florida. It’s true. Check it out. Now, nobody is saying that Rubio was aware of this at the time, but it is fair to say that was being paid with the proceeds of illegal drug smuggling, wittingly or other wise. But maybe, just maybe, this is where the genesis for this latest scheme lies, just with barrels of oil substituting for crates full of parakeets and monkeys.” But just why would the Trump administration be interested in importing vast supplies of illegal narcotics while officially condemning the drug trade and those who import them into the US? “It’s pretty damn obvious, I’d say,” ventures freelance investigative journalist Al Holkfin. “It’s for the administration’s own personal use – but mostly for Trump’s personal use!” In a series of sensational articles on his personal blog, (Holkfin claims that mainstream media is too scared to run anything critical of the administration for fear of legal sanctions from Trump, or having his army of extreme right-wing thugs set on them), the journalist has claimed that, in order to meet the demands of the presidency, Trump has been consuming vast quantities of illegal narcotics.
“I know that it sounds incredible, but just think about it,” he says. “It explains everything – Trump’s increasingly erratic behaviour, the fact that he often can’t string a coherent sentence together, the insane late night tirades on social media, the paranoia and all the crazy off-the-wall ideas, like invading Greenland. The fact is that, most of the time, he’s completely off of his face on drugs!” Other top administration figures are also heavy users Holfkfin alleges. “I mean, it’s obvious isn’t it? Just look at the likes of Pete Hegseth – that twitchiness and sheen of sweat he always seems to have,” he muses. “Or the unnatural aggression of Steve Miller and the overconfidence and hyperactive zeal of JD Vance. These are all attributes indicative of heavy use.” The journalist also points out that the Trump movement has long been associated with drug users. “Let’s not forget Trump campaign bank-roller-in chief Elon Musk and his adventures with weed and Ketamine,” he says. “It’s all indicative of an underlying tolerance for substance abuse, despite their anti-drug rhetoric.”
Not surprisingly, Holfkin’s extraordinary claims have been widely dismissed as ‘outrageous’ and completely without foundation, with the journalist admitting that he has no direct evidence of drug taking or addiction in the White House, his claims being based upon the testimonies of unnamed ‘confidential sources’ supposedly close to the administration. Stouper also has cast doubt upon the allegations. “I don’t think that you need massive drug habits to explain the behaviour of the President and his cronies,” he opines. “They’re just stone cold crazy. Completely unhinged.” The congressman has his own theories as to where the drugs coerced from Venezuela are bound. “Personally, I think that they intend releasing huge quantities of cheap gear into the poorest districts of the US, targeting immigrant populations,” he explains. “The aim will be to kill as many of them as possible with overdoses.” Stouper further speculates that the administration will also target the poorest US citizens, not to get them to OD, but to get them sufficiently hooked that they’ll effectively become slaves, willing to do anything for their officially supplied US narcotics. “Look, it all makes sense: they’ve been laying the groundwork for this scheme with their cuts to Federal funding of community health projects, like drug rehabilitation clinic,” he says. “Moreover, what do you think all those masked ICE thugs are really doing in inner city areas? They are quite obviously gearing up to start dealing drugs to the poor and immigrants. Believe me, this what is really happening in the US!”
The congressman also believes that Trump’s wider foreign policies provide evidence of the administration’s nefarious drug schemes. “They’ve already eliminated one group of rival drug importers by sinking those Venezuelan boats,” he points out. “It also explains Trump’s threats to intervene in Colombia and Mexico – to secure further large scale drug supplies in order to keep his evil scheme of subjugation through narcotics going! Remember, you heard it here first!” Stouper has vehemently denied that his bizarre claims are the result of having watched the 1973 film version of Live and Let Die.
