English village calls upon international community for humanitarian aid after declaration of independence from UK results in being cut off from all services and border control points being set up on all roads in and out. Without supermarket grocery deliveries, power or running water, parish council fears lawlessness and famine in face of British blockade.

Was the myth of American independence created from a series of lies and anti-British disinformation fabricated by a small group of ultra wealthy citizens hell bent on tax avoidance? Were the ‘Founding Fathers’ the evil ‘Tech Bro’ billionaires of their day? UK-based group aims to re-educate Americans to the falsehoods their nation was built on with view to bringing America back under the British flag in a ‘Glorious Counter Revolution’.

Shock and aaargh! as ICE agents grope the bodies of female protesters electric with their electrified gloves, top investigative journalist asks whether organisation now sourcing its equipment from sex toy suppliers? Investigation uncovers web of corruption involving Trump-connected former porn actress turned sex aid entrepreneur, with claims ICE detention centres now equipped like bondage dungeons with leather restraints, whips and spankings.

Does Donald Trump believe that he is a comic book super villain? Top psychiatrist believes that delusional US President rapidly turning into Batman villain The Penguin, warns of poison gas spouting umbrellas and bird-themed evil schemes. Does Trump suspect former President Obama of actually beinghis nemesis Batman? Is an all-action ‘Wham’ ‘Kapow’ showdown on the cards?

As British man found guilty of persuading a US citizen to attempt suicide via the internet, insiders suggest that Burnham government may be about to pivot defence policy to use of such ‘death persuaders’, fire starters, astrally projected killers and other psychic weapons in order to reduce defence spending. Will they be deployed against US to induce Trump administration to commit mass suicide or used against domestic threats like Reform UK?

Are US Republicans covering up death of elderly Senator? Amazing claims that party planning to resurrect Senator from the dead in some form. Media speculates whether advanced medical techniques, Voodoo or puppetry will be used to produce ‘proof-of-life’ for the politician. Wild claims that puppetry previously used to reanimate and extend ‘lives’ of various members of UK Royal Family.

Is Nigel Farage about to urge Britons to have more sex to boost UK’s indigenous population so as to eliminate need for immigration? Extreme right-wing think tank hoping Reform UK leader will endorse their proposals to ‘Breed a Better Britain’ through compulsory heterosexual sex quotas for ‘true Britons’, compulsory contraception for immigrants and a ban on ‘non-productive’ non-heterosexual sex.

Does Donald Trump have a portrait in his attic that grows younger and handsomer the more evil and corrupt be becomes in a reverse ‘Dorian Gray’ situation? Speculation rife that President entered into Faustian pact to excise all goodness from his soul in order to be evil enough to capture Republican vote and ascend to the White House.