Is New Year an instantly disappointing celebration? After all, everything that was wrong on December 31st is still going to be wrong on January 1st, despite all the celebrations, resolutions and euphoria. We say goodbye to our troubles only to say hello again a moment later….
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Paranormal Investigator, Exorcist and Agony Aunt The Reverend Leonard Fanny advises readers on their supernatural problems. This time he counsels a man accused of perpetrating a ‘Holy Grope’. Spiritual healer or sex offender? Man accused of abusing his healing gifts for sexual gratification.
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A series a child disappearances from Santa’s grottos all over UK raises fears of seasonal peadophile ring operating in shopping centres. Others speculate Santa kidnapping kids to break North Pole elf strike. Top folklorist fears the abductions are the work of the sinister Cult of Santa in furtherance of its aim to resurrect the one true Santa.
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Is homelessness just a lifestyle choice? Top Tory MP claims people are just dropping out of their regular lives to enjoy benefits of living tax and responsibility free on the streets – calls for them to be rounded up and sent to Rwanda. Also targets pensioners for making lifestyle choice to be old and live off of the state – should they be euthanised?
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After refuse-filled missile strikes Brussels, spewing stinking household waste across city, UK is accused of running secret scheme to dispose of its rubbish by firing it off in rockets. Despite denials by British authorities, suspicions linger that rain of effluent over German city might also have been from malfunctioning UK waste disposal missile.
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Sinister shopping cult plans human sacrifice to ensure good bargain hunting at this year’s ‘Black Friday’ sales. Seeking ‘Black Friday’ virgin to be burned to death in giant wicker cash register. Academic speculates that ‘Black Friday’ shopping frenzy is cultural reincarnation of pagan ‘Wild Hunt’.
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Town calls for Halloween to be banned after drugged up ‘Trick or Treaters’ go on homicidal rampage after being given hallucinogens disguised as sweets. Further mayhem caused by Suella Braverman-masked teenagers harassing immigrants and asylum seekers with threats of deportation if Halloween treats not forthcoming.
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When is a packet of chocolate covered peanuts not a packet of chocolate covered peanuts? An impulse purchase in Tesco Metro leads Doc Sleaze into the labyrinth that is the madness of modern shopping when the peanuts he tries to pay for turn out to be non-existent, according to the shop whose shelves they are on.
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Is a phantom flasher terrorising an English town? Are local children being subjected to spectral exposure by a vengeful spirit? As local vigilantes dig up local graveyards in search of deceased sex offender, spirit itself contacts medium to protest innocence of peadophilia in life, claiming post-mortem antics are payback against his former persecutors.
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Britain’s top ghost hunter discusses his most mind-boggling cases. From toilet-blocking phantom stools in Trowbridge to the ghostly talking anus of Plymouth and the moaning nun of Minehead, our leading paranormal investigator explains why restless ghosts are moving into our modern, new build, houses.
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Is Sunak’s Tory government aiming to hasten global apocalypse with its reckless anti-green policies? Are the Tories’ increasingly extreme right-wing policies on everything from the environment to human rights the result of a diabolical pact which will guarantee a special self-governing Tory Hell if they do Satan’s work and engineer end of world?
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Are flying saucers the new ‘small boats’ in the fight against illegal immigration to the UK? UFO expert claims spaceships dropping off huge numbers of literal illegal aliens by night in UK. Are creatures from outer space stealing our jobs, benefits and women? Counter claims of secret government deal with aliens to take human illegal immigrants off-world for ‘processing’.
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Paranormal Investigator, Exorcist and Agony Aunt The Reverend Leonard Fanny advises readers on their supernatural problems. This time he faces the problem of a man who claims that the sexual outrages, including indecent exposure and bestiality, he is accused of committing are the result of possession by the evil spirit of a sex offender!
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Are Tories organising fights between right-wing Tory MPs and dangerous dogs for money? Government denies ‘XL Bully’ dog died of its injuries after bout with Suella Braverman in secret arena. Should extremist Tory MPs be muzzled instead of so called dangerous dogs?
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Plagued by idiots driving BMWs, the Doc ponders just why people driving German cars think they are the road’s ‘Master Race’, above such trivialities as speed limits , braking distances and road safety. And just how do those so-called ‘performance cars’ produce that irritating exhaust note?
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Tabloid causes outrage with misogynistic, homophobic and racist headlines. Editor claims newspaper simply reflecting its readers true feelings instead of trying to disguise them with euphemisms. Opines that paper should be praised for its honesty instead of being condemned by hypocritical rivals.
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