“The fact is that Elon has been very disappointed in the European fascists he’s so far had dealings with,” claims top tech journalist Dan Streaky, writing in the latest issue of Techno Extremist Monthly, the leading publication for tech enthusiasts with Nazi leanings, commenting on tech billionaire Elon Musk’s recent attempts to court Europe’s extreme right. “They simply don’t match his expectations for efficiency, present very poor images of themselves and don’t really seem to be serious about seizing power.” According to the journalist, Musk’s expectations with regard to European fascists had largely been formed by watching war movies. “Even though they’re portrayed by liberal Hollywood as the bad guys, the Nazis are always shown wearing immaculate uniforms, being utterly ruthless and led by powerful and dedicated fanatics,” he says. “In fact, they are portrayed as dedicated idealists in pursuit of a vision, despite constantly being obstructed by those of lesser ability and vision, something Elon can really relate to, even if, obviously, he doesn’t agree with the Holocaust. Although he does appreciate how efficient the Nazis were in carry it out.” But the reality of modern European right-wing extremists has left Musk frustrated, finding them disorganised, lacking in charismatic leadership and simply not looking very elegant. “Just take that Nigel Farage in the UK, he turned out to be just a bellowing pub loudmouth, without the vision or courage to embrace the ground-level direct action of Tommy Robinson,” opines Streaky. “As for that bunch in Germany, the AfD, well, their refusal to hold mass rallies in Nuremberg or to take to the streets smashing up businesses that disagree with them, just marks them out as dilettantes, with no serious ambitions of seizing power.”

Worst of all, Streaky believes, none of the current European fascists and right-wing extremists even look like ‘proper’ Nazis, as portrayed by Hollywood. “They are meant to represent the ‘Master Race’ for God’s sake,” says a despairing Streaky. “But just look at them – they aren’t blond haired, blue-eyed, athletic demi-gods, they just look like regular idiots off of the street! I mean, take that Nigel Farage again – he’s a donkey-faced, blustering idiot and those right-wing rioters who took to Britain’s streets in that attempted act of insurgency last year were just a bunch of over weight, over aged, toothless pub bullies who ran out of breath after throwing a single brick! Even that Tommy Robinson is a bit of a short arse!” The journalist claims that sources close to the billionaire Tesla owner and Trump arse kisser in chief have told him that Musk has reacted to his disappointment in contemporary fascists by evolving a radical plan. “Apparently, he’s planning to develop the ‘perfect Nazi’, embodying all of the most characteristic features of the Aryan ideal,” enthuses Streaky. “The idea is to utilise the advanced robotics and Artificial Intelligence (AI) developed by his companies to set up a production line of these life-like artificial Nazis to act as a vanguard for the European extreme right. They’ll provide the leadership the movement so badly needs, not to mention providing an exemplar of Nazism for human members to model themselves on.”

Bizarre though these developments might seem, they are being taken seriously by many political commentators. “Clockwork Nazis would be a perfectly logical step for someone like Musk,” admits  Adam Trundle, political editor of the Sunday Bystander. “Not only would they be unfailingly obedient, but in ideology they could be relied upon to stick unerringly to the party line, never getting sidetracked into encompassing democracy and the like.” Indeed, Trundle suspects that Musk has already probably got people training AI on Nazi ideology.  “Maybe that’s why he’s effectively turned Twitter into an extremist cesspool, where racism, misogyny, anti-Semitism, homophobia, transphobia and just about every form of hate you can think of seems not just to be tolerated, but welcomed with open arms,” he speculates. “It is going to form the database for the fascist AI which is going to power his Nazi robots.  Doubtless they’ll also use that footage of his definitely non-Nazi salute to train them how to perform the perfect fascist greeting.”

Trundle still holds out some hope that, for the time being at least, Musk’s current role as Trump’s financial hatchet man in chief might distract him from ‘hobbies’ such as extreme right-wing politics. “Sadly though, I fear that, while he might currently be having fun putting thousands of civil servants out of work, slashing budgets and undermining things like overseas aid, Medicare and Medicaid, he’ll eventually grow bored with that and turn his attention back to creating robotic Nazis,” he muses. “It just seems like the obvious next step for him, bearing in mind his apparent inability to relate to actual living and breathing human beings and his control freakery. Plus, it combines several of his obsessions: far right politics, robotics and eugenics.” The writer fears that, within a couple of years, we’ll see a new wave of techno-powered fascism, led by Musk’s robot Nazis, sweep across Europe. “The Trump – whose campaign was bankrolled by Musk, let’s not forget, is already setting the template for this new fascism,” he says. “They’re already talking about annexing other peoples’ territory, not through military conquest, but through financial muscle, ignoring the concept of self-determination for local populations and have already set up a concentration camp in Guantánamo Bay for ‘undesirables’. If those clockwork Nazis seize control of the European right then, before we know it, we’ll have an extremist government in Berlin forcibly buying Poland in a hostile takeover!”

But would Musk stop at creating an army of goose-stepping automatons?  Trundle fears not. “I think it inevitable that his attention will shift to those pesky Senators and Representatives of both parties who might try to hold Trump to account and obstruct his most outrageous policies,” he says.  “Why not replace them with automated look-a-likes?  Or even just create new robot candidates so sophisticated that they can pass for human, who can run against them in primaries?” Trundle suspects that not even Musk’s buddy in the White House would be immune from automation if their aims start to diverge. “Before you know, maybe even Trump will be replaced by an AI simulation controlled by the techno jerk Musk,” he warns.  “Actually, an AI simulation might actually be a better president than the real Trump.  Certainly, it would surely possess more humanity than the real thing.”