Pro LGBTQ newspaper column by Jeremy Clarkson prompts revelation that right-wing press using Artificial Intelligence to produce its bile-filled and reactionary columns and opinion pieces. Fears that AI has become self-aware and is ‘woke’, deliberately subverting Tory tabloids hate-filled messaging. Others claim AI hacked by ‘Wokerati’.
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Invisible illegal immigrants – the new threat to Britain’s borders? Anti-immigration campaigner claims thousands of illegal immigrants made invisible by ‘heathen voodoo rites’ are landing on Kent’s beaches every day. Fears new army of invisible immigrants set to create criminal mayhem throughout England.
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Are record levels of Tory MPs accused of sexual misconduct the result of controversial new government policy to ‘out breed’ immigrants and ‘whiten’ Britain? Shocking claims that Tories told to impregnate as many women as possible to counter immigrant tide – with former PM Boris Johnson leading the charge.
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Can you prove who you are? With noisy neighbours disrupting his birthday, Doc Sleaze ponders the modern obsession with proving one’s identity and attitudes to age. Is he ready for the retirement home, or even the boneyard, as the junk mailers seem to think?
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Are streaming services becoming so desperate for new content they are spying on lives of subscribers? Man claims that new streaming TV drama series is actually based on his everyday life. Staines woman alleges new ‘reality documentary’ is her actual life illicitly filmed and sensationalised with actors secretly inserted to contrive dramatic incidents for cameras.
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Recent US downing of several so-called UFOs causes consternation in UFO community – lack of subsequent alien invasion and ease of shootings down leaves many calling into question their long-held beliefs about UFOs. Top UFOlogists try to rally followers with ‘false flag’ conspiracy theories as they fear threat to lucrative book sales and TV coverage.
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Top political commentator claims right-wing Tory extremists the result of radiation from a strange meteorite. Are Liz Truss and Boris Johnson second or third generation mutations devoid of empathy, kindness and sanity? Allegations that glowing blue meteor now ensconced in catacombs beneath Tufton Street.
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As Boris Johnson promises political memoir ‘like none other’, top journalist asks whether former Premier is suffering from ‘False Memoir Syndrome’? Alleges that memoir will be complete fabrication portraying Johnson as Churchillian ‘war leader’ who single handed beat Covid, won the ‘Battle of Brexit’ and fought off Russian tanks in Ukraine.
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Was recent mauling to death of dog walker by her charges first salvo in canine war on humanity? Spate of dog killings across UK as expert urges pre-emptive retaliation against man’s so called ‘best friend’ before he rips your throat out. Claims dogs conspiring to turn the tables and make their masters the pets.
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Are Royal Family a bunch of racists who hunt ethnic minorities for sport in inner city areas? Is Prince William a hard drinking bar brawler? Is his brother a trigger happy psychopath, mowing down his own soldiers by mistake? Rival Royal experts respond to Prince Harry’s book ‘Spare’ with more bizarre Royal claims.
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A New Year resolution to continue the old year’s campaign to purge the racists from my Twitter timeline. Elon Musk might be reinstating the banned Nazis and racists to Twitter, but they are being firmly evicted from my timeline – followers uncritically re-tweeting them will be out on their ear in 2023…
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Man arrested after householder injured by Christmas present being farted through letter box claims that he is actually the legendary ‘Farter Christmas’. Alleges he is trying revive tradition of farting down chimneys, having been displaced by bowdlerised, fart free, ‘Father Christmas’ since Victorian era. Forgotten seasonal icon or fart obsessed madman?
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Paranormal Investigator, Exorcist and Agony Aunt The Reverend Leonard Fanny advises readers on their supernatural problems. This time he counsels a man suffering from the activities of ‘My Living Sex Dolls’. Is a man’s ability to ejaculate living replicas of the subjects of his masturbatory fantasies Satanically inspired?
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Is business booming for Britain’s mercy killers thanks to cost-of-living crisis? UK’s providers of illicit euthanasia services report surge in demand for their services as old and infirm find it increasingly difficult to make ends meet. Fear cold snap combined with high fuel prices will cut off demand for assisted dying as pensioners find freezing to death cheaper.
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Are government minister’s deliberately committing acts of gross misconduct in order to be sacked and collect lucrative annual pay offs? Suspicions raised as Rishi Sunak’s government hit by wave of forced resignations after ministers various frolic naked in offices and punch out tea ladies.
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Suella Braverman and Therese Coffey burned as witches as puritan mob invades House of Commons. Are witch finders cleansing Tories of evil by destroying dangerous coven which has PM and media in their spell, or are they simply misogynistic and racist fanatics targeting powerful women and minorities?
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