Is Boris Johnson planning to ambush President Putin with cake in order to provoke war as a distraction from ‘partygate’? Is phantom cake-flinger terrorising cabinet ministers? Official investigation into alleged cake attacks dismissed as yet another attempt to distract voters from lockdown parties scandal.
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As Labour moves ahead in polls, Corbyn supporters complain complain new popularity is for ‘wrong reasons’. Argue party should be winning because it is more ‘virtuous’ than Tories and has ‘ideologically sound’ socialist policies rather than simply because Boris Johnson is big fat party animal. Party should pursue ideological purity rather than power.
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UK’s top revolutionary claims Johnson’s Tory government guilty of ‘war crimes’ over their mishandling of and profiteering from the pandemic. Outlines elaborate plans for punishing ‘Tory War Criminals’, including holding lottery to decide who gets to publicly kick Boris up the arse in televised Whitehall ceremony.
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Donald Trump denies he was ever president, labelling reports of his tenure in White House as being ‘Fake News’. He and supporters claim conspiracy by liberal elites to suppress public memory of disastrous Hillary Clinton presidency by creating false narrative of Trump administration to take blame instead.
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Has social media democratised abuse, making more forms of mass harassment and defamation freely available to the masses? Or is it merely a largely irrelevant sideshow, full of would be political campaigners mistaking trending meaningless hashtags into oblivion for activism?
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Did Boris Johnson fatally crush photocopier in drunken prank at Downing Street Christmas office party? Government rocked by amazing allegations of wild lockdown celebrations. Claims of indecent exposure, criminal damage, violence and office equipment abuse following Prime Minister’s attempt to come down chimney surface.
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Paranormal Investigator, Exorcist and Agony Aunt The Reverend Leonard Fanny advises readers on their supernatural problems. This time, a worried public figure fears their pact with the Devil for unlimited sex, power and wealth is being reneged upon as he finds his popularity, especially with women, and undeserved success are slipping away. Can the Rev help?
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Have ‘True Crime’ podcasters run out of crimes to investigate? Wrongful conviction in unsolved murder case exposes how popular podcasters made up evidence to gain popularity. Allegations that other podcasters actually committed the bizarre crimes they ‘investigated’ and framed innocent people in order to create ‘solution’.
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World of conspiracy theories rocked by bitter feud as top UK conspiracy guru blasts Q Anon followers as ;nutters’. Claims their theories actually part of Deep State plot to discredit Trump by associating him with crackpots. Top Q Anon populariser ripostes with accusation that UK conspiracies are old hat, ineffective, anti-Semitic claptrap.
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Is new Tory sleaze scandal about to break? Mysterious death of MP who took ‘three line whipping’ threatens to expose ‘parliamentary porn’ racket. Dead Conservative member allegedly illegally rented out parliamentary office and House of Commons chamber for explicit porn movie shoots.
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Can Boris Johnson’s rippling buttocks power half of London as he has sex? Top scientist proposes radical plan to use Tory sexual misconduct to generate green electricity. New technology will enable Tory MPs bondage sessions to produce energy as they are whipped.
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I don’t do enough merchandising. But what sort of merchandising would be appropriate for The Sleaze? Colouring books for the kiddies or sleazy calendars? Maybe pop-up books illustrating our sleaziest stories or life-size inflatables depicting characters like ‘Kick Ass Jesus’ would be more appropriate…
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Is the UK government’s policy of allowing raw sewage to be dumped into the country’s rivers creating deadly mutated beasts spawned from the bowels of Britain? Scientists warn Britons could soon face terror of being pursued by huge bipedal turds. Giant toilet rolls prepared as defensive measures.
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Is Michael Gove using his hypnotic powers for evil? Journalist claims top Tory using mesmeric gaze to get women to undress, delude voters into voting for Brexit and convincing nation that Boris Johnson is actually Prime Minister. Allegations dismissed as ridiculous by mesmerised media.
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As environmentalist battle to clean up latest porn spillage to hit Britain’s beaches, experts ask if vast quantities of contraband European porn washing up on the coast is result of Brexit? Tory MPS. meanwhile, propose temporary visa scheme to alleviate current Brexit-inspired shortages of continental sex workers and mistresses.
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Are arsonists the forgotten victims of Britain’s petrol panic buying crisis? Expert claims lack of petrol supplies causing significant reduction in deliberate fires – costing professional arsonists thousands in fees. As arsonists turn to alternative accelarants, fears that shortages of meths will cause anguish for down and outs.
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