Is Micheal Gove actually an obscene phone caller? Top left-wing journalist makes sensational claims on radio show that top Tory ‘looks the sort’. Also claims Boris Johnson of looking like a ‘heavy breather’ and Dominic Cummings of looking like a voyeur.
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Outrage as left-wing journalist suggests that Last Night of the Proms be used as opportunity to cull the extreme right, by sealing doors of Albert Hall and gassing audience. Dismisses populist patriotic favourites like ‘Rule Britannia’ as ‘irrelevant’ as Tory government threatens to have him classified as terrorist organisation.
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I just knew that somebody, somewhere must be saying, in the wake of all those sportsmen ‘taking the knee’, that most idiotic phrase in history: ‘they should keep politics out of sport’. Do they really believe that there is some kind of abstract, universal, notion of ‘sportsmanship’ which transcends political and moral principles? There isn’t – everything’s political…
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Did Trump campaign seek endorsement of former Fuhrer Adolf Hitler? Wild claims that supporters of President scoured Amazonian jungles after rumours aged Hitler living with natives and kept alive by herbal potions. Allegedly planned to have Hitler be keynote speaker at Republican National Convention.
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Are classic horror movies all about sex? Horror movie fan shocked by amount of explicit perverted sex in old horror films – from the sexual depravities of Dracula to the bestiality of the Wolf Man. Vows in future to stick to more innocent dismemberments and slashings of modern horror.
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Paranormal Investigator, Exorcist and Agony Aunt The Reverend Leonard Fanny advises readers on their supernatural problems. This time, a reader is having problems with a demanding alien lover who is insisting upon painful probing as part of their sex play. Can the Rev help?
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Are Black Lives Matter protesters really the main threat facing our statues? Journalist claims statues actually at threat from shady right-wing statue shaggers seeking surrogate sex with their idols. Cult uncovered after abducted effigy of Churchill crashes through neighbour’s ceiling during pervert’s stone sex session.
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Should anti-vaxxers, covid deniers, coronavirus conspiracy theorists and general covidiots be exiled to remote island in hope they will infect each other and die? Or should they be put on redundant cruise ships and torpedoed by Navy? Right-wing snowflakes aghast at suggestions made by top academic and Labour MP to resolve covidiot threat.
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Tory MPs push for reopening of UK sex industry as part of lockdown easing after ‘losing the whip’ for months. Claim Britons clamouring for kinky sex after months of deprivation. Fears, however, of restrictions on most extreme paid sex activities amid worries they could fuel coronavirus spikes.
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What the Black Lives Matter protests have revealed is the staggering level of ignorance on the part of a depressingly large number of people who just can’t seem to grasp what constitutes racism. You know the ones I mean, the ones who profess not to be racist, but…
Read MoreGovernment Sex Detector vans target on those suspected of having non-lockdown approved sex. Intercourse between non co-habiting couples leads to arrests as civil liberties campaigners complain that authorities encouraging snooping and voyearism to enforce ‘sex ban’.
Read MoreA bizarre piece of Euro-horror with a chequered history, Island of the Cod Men has been opportunistically re-released on DVD to coincide with current EU-UK disputes over fishing rights stemming from trade deal negotiations, post-Brexit…
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Was Boris Johnson’s top adviser trying to escape evil double when he broke lockdown to travel to Durham? Extraordinary claims made by Tory MP in defence of Dominic Cummings – ‘Evil Dom’ released by Covid-19 infection tried to steal his life!
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Was Jesus Christ actually a vampire? Controversial new film sensationally claims that Christian church built upon blood sucking. Top Bishop calls for boycott of blasphemous movie, rejecting allegations that worshippers literally drink blood of Christ.
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Top crime figures demand government lift lockdown to facilitate their members. Robberies, burglaries and street crimes at a standstill due to anti-Covid measures. Crime unions claim fewer people at home and more potential victims on the streets needed to kickstart UK crime.
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We welcome the return of anonymity ushered in by the pandemic. Thanks to Covid-19 we can now go masked in public with impunity – anti-social behaviour is now within in the reach of all as CCTV cameras are rendered impotent by mass mask wearing.
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