Was Boris Johnson’s top adviser trying to escape evil double when he broke lockdown to travel to Durham? Extraordinary claims made by Tory MP in defence of Dominic Cummings – ‘Evil Dom’ released by Covid-19 infection tried to steal his life!
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Was Jesus Christ actually a vampire? Controversial new film sensationally claims that Christian church built upon blood sucking. Top Bishop calls for boycott of blasphemous movie, rejecting allegations that worshippers literally drink blood of Christ.
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Top crime figures demand government lift lockdown to facilitate their members. Robberies, burglaries and street crimes at a standstill due to anti-Covid measures. Crime unions claim fewer people at home and more potential victims on the streets needed to kickstart UK crime.
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We welcome the return of anonymity ushered in by the pandemic. Thanks to Covid-19 we can now go masked in public with impunity – anti-social behaviour is now within in the reach of all as CCTV cameras are rendered impotent by mass mask wearing.
Read MoreAre celebrities exploiting captive audience provided by coronavirus lockdown? Accusations that inane celebrity videos driving housebound population to brink of insanity as instances of arson, attempted murder and suicide rise sharply.
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Has the real Boris Johnson been replaced by clones? Journalist posits incendiary theory that Prime Minister actually died of Covid-19 and cloned by Tory Party to avoid public panic. As many as three Boris clones claimed to be on loose.
Read MoreSmall communities fearing panic buying bands of brigands might fall upon their local shops recruit mercenaries to protect their villages. Devon pensioners engage ‘Magnificent Seven’, while others employ mercenaries to to clear bandits threatening OAP supermarket shopping hours.
Read MoreAs UK goes into lockdown, popular culture struggles to deal with restrictions imposed by social distancing rules in order to ensure that it is show business as usual. Proposals for gossip columnists to simulate celebrity incidents with dolls while suggestions that football season be continued via Subuteo mooted.
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Will Boris Johnson’s much vaunted virility, as he gets another woman up the duff, prove to be his downfall? Top Labour spin doctor plans election broadcast simulating Prime Minister in bed copulating with a woman – believes public revulsion at sight of all those wobbling buttocks and horrendous grunting will persuade voters to abandon Boris.
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Is coronavirus ‘Fake News’? Conspiracy theories ‘go viral’ as President Trump claims Covid-19 is Chinese/Democrat conspiracy to discredit him, while UK conspiracy theorist claims virus is cover up for zombie apocalypse.
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Contrary to crackpot coronavirus deniers, ‘The Sleaze’ welcomes the arrival of Covid-19 as it ushers in the prospect of two weeks off work in self isolation. Plenty of time to contemplate the horrors of Boris Johnson getting another unsuspecting woman pregnant – will the mental image of his wobbling buttocks drive the population mad before the virus kills them?
Read MoreCould grave robbing for entertainment make for great TV? Fan suggests radical new format for ‘Masked Singer’, featuring dead celebrities revived as zombies by necromancy beneath masks. Is the elephant Elvis? Dead good TV or just bad taste?
Read MoreHas ‘wokeness’ emasculated modern men? Does The League of Angry Men, an underground organisation dedicated to stoking up and celebrating anger, in the hope of inspiring modern male youth to get furious and thereby reclaim their manhood, actually exist? Academic claims shadowy group behind current rise in hate.
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Do we need to start culling celebrities? Any celebrity expressing idiotic or ill informed opinions should be targeted for culling, experts suggest amid fears that TV reality and talent shows creating too many low quality celebrities.
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Constitutional crisis or cobblers? Will Prince Harry and Meghan’s decision to renounce royal life and live on council estate in Slough result in end of the monarchy as we know it? Royal experts disagree as to consequences of Harry becoming Uber driver.
Read MoreWhat lies behind Pope Francis’ assault on a woman in St Peter’s Square on New Year’s Eve? Was he fighting off sex starved Papal groupie, or was he preparing to fight evil with his fists?
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