Are celebrities exploiting captive audience provided by coronavirus lockdown? Accusations that inane celebrity videos driving housebound population to brink of insanity as instances of arson, attempted murder and suicide rise sharply.
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Has the real Boris Johnson been replaced by clones? Journalist posits incendiary theory that Prime Minister actually died of Covid-19 and cloned by Tory Party to avoid public panic. As many as three Boris clones claimed to be on loose.
Read MoreSmall communities fearing panic buying bands of brigands might fall upon their local shops recruit mercenaries to protect their villages. Devon pensioners engage ‘Magnificent Seven’, while others employ mercenaries to to clear bandits threatening OAP supermarket shopping hours.
Read MoreAs UK goes into lockdown, popular culture struggles to deal with restrictions imposed by social distancing rules in order to ensure that it is show business as usual. Proposals for gossip columnists to simulate celebrity incidents with dolls while suggestions that football season be continued via Subuteo mooted.
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Will Boris Johnson’s much vaunted virility, as he gets another woman up the duff, prove to be his downfall? Top Labour spin doctor plans election broadcast simulating Prime Minister in bed copulating with a woman – believes public revulsion at sight of all those wobbling buttocks and horrendous grunting will persuade voters to abandon Boris.
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Is coronavirus ‘Fake News’? Conspiracy theories ‘go viral’ as President Trump claims Covid-19 is Chinese/Democrat conspiracy to discredit him, while UK conspiracy theorist claims virus is cover up for zombie apocalypse.
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Contrary to crackpot coronavirus deniers, ‘The Sleaze’ welcomes the arrival of Covid-19 as it ushers in the prospect of two weeks off work in self isolation. Plenty of time to contemplate the horrors of Boris Johnson getting another unsuspecting woman pregnant – will the mental image of his wobbling buttocks drive the population mad before the virus kills them?
Read MoreCould grave robbing for entertainment make for great TV? Fan suggests radical new format for ‘Masked Singer’, featuring dead celebrities revived as zombies by necromancy beneath masks. Is the elephant Elvis? Dead good TV or just bad taste?
Read MoreHas ‘wokeness’ emasculated modern men? Does The League of Angry Men, an underground organisation dedicated to stoking up and celebrating anger, in the hope of inspiring modern male youth to get furious and thereby reclaim their manhood, actually exist? Academic claims shadowy group behind current rise in hate.
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Do we need to start culling celebrities? Any celebrity expressing idiotic or ill informed opinions should be targeted for culling, experts suggest amid fears that TV reality and talent shows creating too many low quality celebrities.
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Constitutional crisis or cobblers? Will Prince Harry and Meghan’s decision to renounce royal life and live on council estate in Slough result in end of the monarchy as we know it? Royal experts disagree as to consequences of Harry becoming Uber driver.
Read MoreWhat lies behind Pope Francis’ assault on a woman in St Peter’s Square on New Year’s Eve? Was he fighting off sex starved Papal groupie, or was he preparing to fight evil with his fists?
Read MoreMan threatens to sue NHS for reviving him from clinical death. Claims medics’ actions wrenched him unwillingly from heavenly paradise. Controversially claims hereafter is eternal pub presided over by Christ the Geezer.
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Another Christmas done. Personally, I spent an extremely tranquil, low-key, Christmas Day – no turkey, no bloody relatives, no Queen’s speech. Yet, despite all my determination to break with tradition, on Christmas Eve I found myself watching the Midnight Mass on BBC1…
Read MoreSanta’s memoirs threaten to reveal salacious details of celebrities caught in flagrante delicto as he came down their chimneys. Legal action threatened as details of Peeping Santa’s activities made public.
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Boris Johnson in pre-election fist fight with shopping mall Santa. Furious Father Christmas accuses top Tory of indoctrinating kiddies in Grotto visit.
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