Category: Politics

Does Donald Trump believe that he is a comic book super villain? Top psychiatrist believes that delusional US President rapidly turning into Batman villain The Penguin, warns of poison gas spouting umbrellas and bird-themed evil schemes. Does Trump suspect former President Obama of actually beinghis nemesis Batman? Is an all-action ‘Wham’ ‘Kapow’ showdown on the cards?

As British man found guilty of persuading a US citizen to attempt suicide via the internet, insiders suggest that Burnham government may be about to pivot defence policy to use of such ‘death persuaders’, fire starters, astrally projected killers and other psychic weapons in order to reduce defence spending. Will they be deployed against US to induce Trump administration to commit mass suicide or used against domestic threats like Reform UK?

Are US Republicans covering up death of elderly Senator? Amazing claims that party planning to resurrect Senator from the dead in some form. Media speculates whether advanced medical techniques, Voodoo or puppetry will be used to produce ‘proof-of-life’ for the politician. Wild claims that puppetry previously used to reanimate and extend ‘lives’ of various members of UK Royal Family.

Is Nigel Farage about to urge Britons to have more sex to boost UK’s indigenous population so as to eliminate need for immigration? Extreme right-wing think tank hoping Reform UK leader will endorse their proposals to ‘Breed a Better Britain’ through compulsory heterosexual sex quotas for ‘true Britons’, compulsory contraception for immigrants and a ban on ‘non-productive’ non-heterosexual sex.

Does Donald Trump have a portrait in his attic that grows younger and handsomer the more evil and corrupt be becomes in a reverse ‘Dorian Gray’ situation? Speculation rife that President entered into Faustian pact to excise all goodness from his soul in order to be evil enough to capture Republican vote and ascend to the White House.

After yet another bungled assassination attempt on President Trump, experts ponder whether the US is becoming a nation of amateurs, taking its lead from its incompetent leader and abandoning all professional values. How can a nation of gun-loving psychopaths fail to muster a single assassin capable of shooting straight and hitting a target as large as Trump? Is this the age of American amateurism?

Has FBI director Kash Patel been forcing Bureau employees to take lie detector tests in order to find out who has been leaving huge floaters in his private toilet? Is he, in reality, the ‘Phantom Dumper’, unable to remember his unsanitary misdeeds due to alcohol induced amnesia? Or is it a subconscious expression of his own self-loathing as to his utter incompetence and unworthiness to hold his current position?

Is Britain suffering outbreaks of cannibalism perpetrated by immigrants? Are our grannies being eaten by asylum seekers and our children kidnapped and fattened up for their cannibal feasts? Bizarre claims by Reform UK candidate spark outrage and accusations that Britain’s extreme right are trying to revive crude racial stereotypes of the seventies characterising people of colour as war-paint wearing savages with bones through their noses.

As Homeland Security claims $70 million luxury jet to be used for deportations, questions raised as to whether Trump administration is about to introduce ‘Deportation DeLuxe’ service to incentivise illegal immigrants to leave the country. US think tank proposes further incentivising deportations by building luxury apartments and resorts for deportees in their countries of origin. Brilliant new policy or more immigration madness?

Is AI the future for British fascism? As new ‘Manic Nazi Girl’ meme sweeps social media fears raised that flesh and blood extreme right leaders like Nigel Farage could be rendered obsolete by attractive new AI far right figurehead. Is it time for Nigel Farage and Tommy Robinson to go digital with less ugly and offensive AI rendered versions of themselves?

Are UK’s right-wing press’ outrageous hate-filled headlines causing massive coronaries amongst their readers? As several reader’s heads reportedly explode, allegations of left-wing plot to plant bile-filled headline stories in right-wing media in order to deliberately wipe out potential extreme right-wing voters. Plans for fake extreme right-wing paper to act as ‘Trojan Horse’ to attract and kill off as many Reform UK voters as possible exposed.

US Congressman makes sensational claim that Trump’s attack on Venezuela actually about drugs, not oil. Did the administration seize Maduro in order to take control of Venezuela’s alleged ‘narco-State’? Are they planning to import vast quantities of drugs into US disguised as barrels of oil? Amazing claims that Trump administration intends to dump tons of narcotics into US’s poorest areas to pacify rebellious population!

Top showbiz journalist predicts welcome death of Eurovision Song Contest in wake of controversy over Israeli participation. Right-wing press meltdown over MP’s suggestion that event could be saved if Gaza be invited to participate alongside Israel, claiming that potential Palestinian entrants could be Hamas terrorists singing songs celebrating deaths of Israeli children.

US announces Santa to be banned from entering US – stands accused of tariff evasion and trafficking illegal immigrants into country on his sleigh. White House proposes new all-American replacement – ‘Daddy Donald Christmas’, backed with ‘naughty or nice’ list compiled by the FBI. Present ordering to be done through online ‘Christmas Portal’ outsourced to highest bidder. Merry Capitalist Christmas!

As extreme right-wing MP issues non-denial denial of having racially abused fellow students when at school in 1970s, classmates recall him dressing as Nazi Santa, goose-stepping and throwing Nazi salutes at Christmas party. Also allege his complicity in attempt by close associate to build gas chamber as school project. Harmless pranks or racist intimidation?

Think-tank proposes radical solution to threat posed by rise of extremist parties at the UK polls – the creation of a shadow, virtual electoral system for their votes, complete with virtual parliament and government. MPs elected under ‘shadow’ election to be placed in virtual political environment where they can enact policies as extreme as they like, without endangering real world. Subverting democracy or saving democracy?