Deviants Are Forever (Handjob, 2001)

DIRECTOR: HUGH JAMPTON. RUNNING TIME: 105 mins. DVD: SNUFFBOX ENTERTAINMENT. PRICE £8.99 CERT 18

Adapted from the novel by Ian Phlegming, this is the fourth of the popular James Bondage series, and the second starring Rump Gulley as Bondage. This episode pits the super-spy against yet another bizarre enemy of the Crown, this time European porn baron Oral Phallus (a great performance from Dutch actor Jan Zinzanbrook). The plot (such as it is) is somewhat confusing, involving the efforts of Phallus and his henchman Blojob (Harry Barse) to corner the European porn market by destroying the EU porn mountain, secretly stored at a Scottish castle. The villain is also assisted by the evil Madam Nuckle (Elsa Palm), one time sex-therapist to the entire Third Reich. For his part, Bondage is assisted by the lovely Vulva Fellatio, playing psychologist Dr Yoni Fadge.

There is, of course, the obligatory sequence where Bondage is captured and subjected to torture – which he naturally enjoys. However, this time the tables are turned, as this is part of Phallus’ bizarre plans. “Do you expect me to talk?” laughs Bondage. “No, Mr Bondage, I expect you to come!” Apparently Phallus believes that drinking Bondage’s jism will restore his manhood – lost in a terrible accident with a mangle. A tense scene follows as Bondage attempts to restrain himself whilst strapped to a rack.

As ever, the special effects – especially Phallus’ huge airship – are superb and the action sequences well executed by director Hugh Jampton (fresh from Beverly Hills Cock 3). The climactic shoot-out between Bondage and Phallus at the castle, with Phallus using his metallic dart-firing prosthetic penis, is particularly well-handled. The film contains the usual unsubtle double-entendres, the most memorable coming as Phallus’ airship collapses into the sea – “Having trouble keeping it up, Phallus?”, taunts Bondage. The presence of series regular Tom Botter as Bondage’s gay chief Rear Admiral Windward allows our hero to utter (yet again) his catch phrase “I’m doing this for the old queen and country.”

Whilst Gulley looks far more comfortable in the role than he had in his first outing The Man in the Golden Shower, overall the film is still inferior to the next entry, Browneye. Nevertheless, many still prefer the original Bondage, Nobby Gusset, who essayed the role in Thunderbald and The Spy Who Made a Bald Man Cry. Only time will tell which is accepted by the public as the definitive Bondage.