DIRECTOR: JEAN-PAUL BRANLETTE. RUNNING TIME: 89 mins. DVD: REDWING. PRICE: £14.99 CERT: 18 A curious film made in 1970s France, Bondage is perhaps the only example of a homo-erotic attempt at the Robin Hood legend. For the most part it follows the traditional version of the oft-told tale, its...
Pink Blues
posted by docsleaze
“There can be no doubt whatsoever – our recent drubbing in the local elections is down to the fact that we’ve been forced to adopt all these bloody namby-pamby policies like gay marriage in order to placate our Liberal Democrat coalition partners,” Tory backbencher Peter Bonefone has...
Double O Bondage
posted by docsleaze
The Secret Intelligence Service (SIS) has refused to comment on reports that a man in drag arrested in Soho last night, following an affray in a notorious sex club, is an agent from their notorious Double-O section. Sources within the intelligence agency also dismissed as ‘pure...
The New Puritans
posted by docsleaze
What is it with this new puritanism that’s sweeping the land? David Cameron might like to witter on about ‘happiness indexes’ for the UK and the like, but the grim reality of his government is ever increasing restrictions on people enjoying themselves. Take this latest nonsense about...
Jesus Saves!
posted by docsleaze
The Church of England is denying that it has sold out to corporate interests following the appearance of a cashpoint machine for a well-known bank and a Starbuck’s concession in the entrance of St Paul’s cathedral. “Whilst I concede that the timing might seem suspicious, there is...
The Assassination of Boris Johnson
posted by docsleaze
The Old Bailey has witnessed extraordinary scenes this week, as the trial of ice cream vendor Bertram Fullock, the man accused of attempting to assassinate London Mayor Boris Johnson, unfolded. Although Fullock does not deny attempting to ram Johnson with his ice cream van as the Mayor cycled down a West London street, he claims that his attack was fully justified. “Believe me, Boris Johnson has to die in order to save future generations from jack-booted dictatorship,” he told the court under cross-examination by the prosecution. “What’s one life now, when balanced against the future suffering of millions?” Despite his despairing...
Sexual Benefits
posted by docsleaze
“It’s great to know that I’m bumming for Britain as I slip one of these boys one from behind,” declares a well-dressed punter, as drops his trousers and prepares to mount a young rent-boy he has bent across a table in a shabby hotel room in London’s King’s Cross. “It makes the...
Son of Bollocks
posted by docsleaze
A former News of the World executive has angrily denied that the now defunct paper attempted to set up the kidnapping of former Spice Girl Haliwell. “Such an allegation is utterly insane,” says a spokesman for publisher News International. “Who in their right mind would pay money to get...
What Price Justice?
posted by docsleaze
“It was terrible – as if it wasn’t bad enough having my husband horribly murdered, the police then told me that they wouldn’t be investigating his killing until the contract for the case had been put out to competitive tender,” a clearly distraught Emily Cackler, whose husband Frank...
Lord Lucan: Found?
posted by docsleaze
Has Lord Lucan finally been found? In a series of astonishing claims, an investigative journalist is alleging that the fugitive peer has spent more than thirty years hiding in plain sight, after fleeing to Africa in 1974, following the murder of his children’s nanny. “Incredible though it...
Crap Stories (Mallak...
posted by docsleaze
DIRECTOR: TOM TURNER. RUNNING TIME: 97 mins. DVD: THUNDERBOX. PRICE: £18.99 CERT: 18 Total turd might be a good way to describe this truly terrible exploration of the lives of people who are crap fetishists. The bottom line, (so to speak), is that writer/director/producer Tom Turner’s...
Bed and Buggery
posted by docsleaze
“B and B is meant to stand for ‘Bed and Breakfast’, not ‘Bed and Buggery’ for God’s sake,” declares John Dickler, spokesperson for a group of militant B and B owners seeking the right to refuse to rent rooms to gay couples. “What right-minded...
The Extra Day
posted by docsleaze
Hooray, hooray! It’s a leap year! The occasion when, every four years, we get given an extra day! Yes, that’s right – a whole bonus day! And what do we do with it? That’s right, we treat it like any other day. Indeed, if it falls on a week day, we work through it. What a bloody...
All Greek To Me
posted by docsleaze
“I came downstairs this morning to find this guy standing in the middle of the kitchen – he had my car keys in his hand. I could hardly believe it when he told me he was from the EU and had come to repossess my car in lieu of part of Greece’s debt!” a still astonished Giorgiadis...
Rage Against the Wheelchair
posted by docsleaze
Charities and disability groups have expressed outrage, blaming the government for a series of attacks on disabled people by able bodied assailants. “Up and down Britain disabled people are afraid to leave their houses thanks to this government’s implication that they are benefit scroungers,” says Sid Wattocks of the charity Disability Action. “Indeed, they are allowing people to think that the cost of providing special provision for disabled people to access buildings and the like is the underlying cause of the recession!” A recent assault in Luton saw a paraplegic left at the mercy of a hostile mob. “This bastard just came over...
Out of Their Minds
posted by docsleaze
“It’s all gone horribly wrong! This should have been our masterstroke, resulting in the Tories being slaughtered in the polls, but instead we’re the ones looking like fools and they’re gaining support!” admits Labour Party strategist Gerry Clapphouse, as he tries to explain to the...