Beyond Bollocks

In a new Hollywood development, movie moguls have described as “totally false” allegations that a petition signed by over five hundred film stars, directors, writers and assorted hangers on had been sent to Osama bin Laden in the wake of 9/11, condemning his terrorist attacks on New York and...

Long Live the Queen!

Is spare part surgery keeping the Queen and Prince Philip alive? This is the astounding claim being made by top Royal-watcher Roger Todgingly. “How else do you think they keep going,” the journalist, who has reported on the Royal family for a number of newspapers including the Daily Excess...

Winds of Change Jul09

Winds of Change

The Home Office is set to court controversy with new proposals to ban Britons from sniffing their own farts. “It’s all part of the crackdown on so-called ‘legal highs’ the Tories promised during the election campaign,” anti-drugs campaigner Amy Handwerk recently explained to...

Dogs on Drugs (Handjob, 2004) Jul02

Dogs on Drugs (Handj...

DIRECTOR: NICK STROPP. RUNNING TIME: 83 mins. DVD: BRAZEN FILMS. PRICE: £12.99. CERT: 18. Another attempt to recreate the Italian exploitation movie formula in the UK, Dogs on Drugs owes an obvious debt to Frederico Prosperi’s 1984 animals-on-the-rampage effort The Wild Beasts. Indeed,...

Let’s Get Offended! Jun25

Let’s Get Offe...

Let’s all get offended. After all, it’s all that anyone ever does on the web these days. Social media is just full of people wailing about how something they’ve seen, heard or read has deeply offended them. Twitter is probably the worst for this, chock full of idiots...

Conspiracy of the Insignificant Jun18

Conspiracy of the Insignificant

Has one of the world’s most mysterious organisations finally given up its secrets? Journalist ‘Big Tim’ Frickler certainly believes so, telling The Sleaze that he has finally infiltrated the annual meeting of the notorious ‘Premier Group’. “It wasn’t easy, these people are even more secretive than the Bilderberg Group,” explained the reporter, who has worked extensively in the alternative press, currently writing for the Luton Free Press. “Their meetings have even less publicity and, for the past ten years, have effectively flown under the radar of most conspiracy theorists.” Like the Bilderberg Group – a...

Titanic Conspiracy Jun11

Titanic Conspiracy

The recent announcement of an expedition to find the ‘Titanic’ has caused much confusion in the maritime world, with experts pointing out that the famed passenger liner – which sank on its maiden voyage in 1912, after colliding with an iceberg – had already been found, when its...

Frozen Assets Jun04

Frozen Assets

A top investigative journalist is claiming to have uncovered Welfare and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith’s most audacious scheme to cut unemployment figures and welfare payments yet. “It’s brilliant, yet cruel and insane all at once – just like Duncan Smith himself,” Billy...

Save Our Smut May21

Save Our Smut

“Internet pornography is the new front line in the fight for freedom,” declares top blogger Norman Plinth, defending his ‘Save Our Smut’ campaign, which aims to frustrate the newly elected right-wing Conservative government’s plans to restrict Britons’ access to on...

Super Sex Fiends May14

Super Sex Fiends

Was top British sex fiend Jimmy Savile the result of secret government experiments during World War Two to develop super powered soldiers? This is the sensational claim being made by former Ministry of Defence research scientist Dr Marlon Pook. “It’s the only explanation for the sheer...

Eastern Evil May07

Eastern Evil

“It’s not bigotry to dislike Poles and other Eastern Europeans and to want them to go back to where they came from,” UKIP leader Nigel Farage has told the Daily Excess. “Everybody knows that they represent a very grave threat to British society due to their proclivities for vampirism...

Bad Business Apr30

Bad Business

Businessmen – what a bunch of fucking bastards, eh? Yeah, that’s right, I’m dissing businessmen, in fact, I’m being anti-business. Heresy, I know, in today’s political climate where we’re all meant to worship at the feet of the great god of commerce, but the fact...

Machine Politics Apr23

Machine Politics

The UK’s opposition to an international ban on ‘killer robots’ at a recent UN conference has shed light on a sinister plot, a top technology writer has claimed. “Why on earth would senior ministers and diplomats oppose the further development of such autonomous weapons...

I’m Blacking Britain! Apr16

I’m Blacking Britain!

An obscure political pressure group – Blacking Up Britain – has claimed responsibility for UKIP leader Nigel Farage’s appearance in black face for the launch of his party’s election manifesto. Farage’s attempt to present UKIP’s policies for the forthcoming general election whilst blacked up caused outrage, despite attempts to present it some kind of ironic joke. “He was just trying to uphold the old English folk traditions of blacking up – everyone knows that the wearing of black face has nothing to do with racism,” Italian shipping tycoon Mario Pudenda – one of the anti-European party’s biggest financial...

Dimensional Deficit Apr09

Dimensional Deficit

A top scientist has warned that the Conservative Party’s latest deficit reduction policies could threaten the very fabric of existence and result in the destruction of the earth as we know it. “It’s the most irresponsible abuse of science in the pursuit of votes I’ve ever...

Illegal Aliens Apr02

Illegal Aliens

Is the appearance of a number of mysterious domed installations linked to a rise in political extremism in the UK? “Our investigations have shown that wherever these things appear, an upsurge of extreme right-wing activity follows – UKIP, the English Defence League, England First and sundry...