"Suicide bummer..?"
ENVIRONMENT FOR TERROR
ARE INTERNATIONAL TERRORIST GROUPS A FRONT FOR COALITION OF MILITANT ENVIRONMENTALISTS AND NATURISTS? JOURNALIST ALLEGES GLOBAL PLOT TO RESTRICT AIR TRAVEL AND IMPOSE UNIVERSAL COMPULSORY NUDISM!
"The snowmen are coming..."
COLD WAR
BRITAIN'S POLITICIANS DECLARE WAR ON THE WEATHER! TORY LEADER PROPOSES DEPLOYING MILITARY AGAINST INCOMING COLD FRONTS AND SHOOTING SNOWMEN ON SIGHT! PRIME MINISTER RESPONDS WITH PLAN TO DETONATE NUCLEAR WEAPONS TO HEAT COUNTRY!
DOCTOR, DOCTOR!
WORLD OF DR WHO FANDOM ROCKED AS RIVAL REGENERATIONS OF TIME LORD BRAWL IN SOHO MASSAGE PARLOUR! BITTER DISPUTE OVER RIGHT TO STAR IN POPULAR TV SERIES ERUPTS INTO VIOLENCE! FEARS OF GANG WARFARE BETWEEN FANS OF DIFFERENT INCARNATIONS OF THE DOCTOR!
ON THE GAME
CAN PLAYING SEX-THEMED ELECTRONIC GAMES TURN YOUNG PEOPLE INTO SEX OFFENDERS? SO CALLED THIRD PERSON SHAGGER GAMES UNDER SCRUTINY AMID ALLEGATIONS THAT THEY OBJECTIFY AND DEMEAN WOMEN!
THE JOKER IS WILD
BRITAIN'S JAPESTERS IN MOURNING AS COUNTRY'S TOP PRACTICAL JOKER DIES! FRIENDS AND FAMILY RECALL POLITICIANS AND CELEBRITIES WHO FELL VICTIM TO HIS ELABORATE PRANKS! WAS HE BEHIND HELICOPTER CRASH THAT SPARKED CELEBRITY FEUD BETWEEN TOP RADIO DISC JOCKEYS?
MORE STORIES FROM THE SLEAZE:
THE WRATH OF COD
IS BRITAIN UNDER THREAT FROM GIANT FISH? LEADING CONSPIRACY THEORIST CLAIMS RECENT COASTAL FLOODING RESULT OF COLOSSAL HALIBUT ATTACK! ALLEGES CLIMATE CHANGE, FOOT AND MOUTH AND SWINE FLU PART OF GOVERNMENT COVER UP OF MASS REVOLT BY BRITAIN'S ANIMALS!
WILD MAN OF WESTMINSTER
ARE TORY LEADER DAVID CAMERON AND THE BESTIAL WILD MAN HAUNTING BRITAIN'S CORRIDORS OF POWER ONE AND THE SAME? POLITICAL COLUMNIST CLAIMS OPPOSITION LEADER'S ABUSE OF ANCIENT SEXUAL ART FOR ELECTORAL GAIN HAS UNLEASHED HIS INNER SEX FIEND!
FRANKENSTEIN MEETS THE PIKEYS
FRANKENSTEIN MONSTER ARRESTED AS NOTED MAD SCIENTIST ATTEMPTS TO MOVE ON GYPSYS CAMPED ILLEGALLY IN CASTLE GROUNDS!
THE MONSTER MAKERS
DID YEARS OF IMPERSONATING SUPERNATURAL CREATURES TURN MONSTER MAKER INTO PERVERT? WORLD OF CRYPTOZOOLOGY SHAKEN TO ITS FOUNDATIONS BY ALLEGATIONS THAT MOST OF BRITAIN'S TOP PARANORMAL PHENOMENA CREATED AS TOURIST ATTRACTIONS!
CHILD'S PLAY
CHILDREN'S ENTERTAINER DETAINED AFTER SHOCKED TV VIEWERS SEE PUDSEY BEAR GROPE FEMALE PRESENTER DURING CHILDREN IN NEED!
I SPIT ON YOUR WAR GRAVE!
DOES GORDON BROWN URINATE ON GRAVES OF FALLEN HEROES? IS DAVID CAMERON A NAZI? FEARS THAT TABLOID CIRCULATION WAR IS DRAGGING BRITISH POLITICS INTO GUTTER AS PRO-GOVERNMENT PAPER STRIKES BACK AT RIVAL'S ANTI-BROWN STORIES WITH SHOCKING CAMERON ALLEGATIONS!
FROM THE ARCHIVE:
LIAR, LIAR!
BRITAIN'S BIGGEST LIAR EXPOSED! TOP FAKER ALLEGEDLY MADE MILLIONS SELLING OUTRAGEOUS LIES TO THE PRESS! CONVINCED TABLOIDS THAT CLIFF RICHARD WAS SATANIST, BRIDGET BARDOT A VIVISECTIONIST!
GONE WILD
TOP CRYPTOZOOLOGIST CLAIMS ESCAPED WILD ANIMALS ARE BEHIND SERIES OF MYSTERIOUS DEATHS AND DISAPPEARANCES! ARE WILD HIPPOS AND ELEPHANTS RUNNING AMOK IN ENGLISH COUNTRYSIDE?
SEX, DRUGS, ROCK AND ROYALTY
QUEEN MOTHER'S SEX AND DRUGS ROMPS WITH THE STARS UNCOVERED! SHOCKING LOVE TRIANGLE WITH SINATRA AND SAMMY DAVIS REVEALED!
