Right now, my inbox is just full of people making demands of me. What is it with the constant attempts to get you to give ‘feedback’ on everything you do online, every site you visit. When did the web become so needy?
Should convicted criminals who die before they’ve completed their sentences be brought back from the grave to finish their punishment? Newspaper suggests voodoo be employed to bring back as zombies offenders attempting to cheat justice through death.
Major UK Terror Alert After Hijacked Santa’s Sleigh Crashes into Shoppers at German Market. Was Driver Part of Group Trying to Drive Out European Xmas Traditions in Favour of British Yule-tide Celebrations?
Man Punches Out Salvation Army Officer for Wishing Him an Unsolicited ‘Happy Christmas’. So Called ‘Man Who Hate Christmas’ Plans to Sabotage Yuletide by Poisoning Supermarket Seasonal Foodstuffs with own Excrement.
Is Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn actually a deep cover Tory mole on a mission to destroy the party from within? Academic makes sensational claims that supposed left winger is actually trying to alienate voters to ensure Tory hegemony.
Is Donald Trump Behind Global Warming? Amazing Allegations President-elect Attempting to Alter Earth’s Climate to Facilitate Alien Colonisation! Conspiracy Theorists Argue as o Whether Trump Alien, Lizard or Commie!
Octopuses to sue after Donald Trump described as being all over alleged groping victim ‘like an octopus’. Object to defamatory implication they are all sex offenders. Counter claim Trump is victimising them after ‘grab them by the octopussy’ remark.
Britain’s peadophiles complain that too many unaccompanied refugee children arriving in UK are actually adults. Demand tougher age tests to ensure that the government only save the children for them, not over age impostors.
Government plans to break junior doctors’ dispute by using blackleg alternative medical practitioners, including voodoo priests, spiritualists and shamans, revealed. Patients complain of use of animal sacrifices instead of pharmaceuticals.
Right wingers demand EU ‘clean beaches’ regulations be abolished post-‘Brexit’, Demand right to dump British sewage on British beaches without EU interference. Suggestions that immigrants’ excrement should be repatriated to countries of origin.