Charities and disability groups have expressed outrage, blaming the government for a series of attacks on disabled people by able bodied assailants. “Up and down Britain disabled people are afraid to leave their houses thanks to this government’s implication that they are benefit scroungers,” says Sid Wattocks of the charity Disability Action. “Indeed, they are allowing people to think that the cost of providing special provision for disabled people to access buildings and the like is the underlying cause of the recession!” A recent assault in Luton saw a paraplegic left at the mercy of a hostile mob. “This bastard just came over...
Out of Their Minds
posted by docsleaze
“It’s all gone horribly wrong! This should have been our masterstroke, resulting in the Tories being slaughtered in the polls, but instead we’re the ones looking like fools and they’re gaining support!” admits Labour Party strategist Gerry Clapphouse, as he tries to explain to the...
Political Games
posted by docsleaze
Beleaguered Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg is hoping to regain his political standing with a bold programme of constitutional reform, with the aim of bringing the glamour of show business to the mother of Parliaments. “I want to bring Parliament into the twenty first century and tap into...
A Royal Yacht, Hurra...
posted by docsleaze
“It’s a proven historical fact that watching the antics of the fabulously rich and privileged does more to boost the morale of the poor and deprived during a time of austerity than any amount of welfare or job creation schemes,” says John Dick-Wadd of the right wing political think tank...
Royal Murder Mystery
posted by docsleaze
“One of those royal bastards is a murderer! If they aren’t stopped they’ll kill again,” claims Detective Inspector Reg Strangler, who is alleging a massive cover-up by the authorities with regard to the body recently discovered near the royal estate at Sandringham. “That’s why...
Animal Magic
posted by docsleaze
Following the revelation that a key sequence had actually been shot in a zoo rather than the Arctic, the credibility of the BBC’s recent wildlife series Frozen Planet, fronted by Sir David Attenborough, has been further undermined by sensational allegations that, in reality, none of the...
Apes a Go Go! (Macaq...
posted by docsleaze
DIRECTOR: SIMEON MANDRILL. RUNNING TIME: 83 mins. DVD: REDWING. PRICE £7.99 CERT 15 A 1960′s cult favourite involving a stash of weed, hippies, a VW beetle, and a gorilla that periodically turns invisible. No, really, it does exist and truly needs to be seen to be believed....
Look Back in Sleaze
posted by docsleaze
Here we are again – as I write this we are on the cusp of a New Year. As 2011 slips between our fingers, leaving, as all outgoing years seem to, that vague feeling that we it is ending too soon, that we never really got to grips with it, 2012 stretches ahead, a blank canvas waiting for our...
Fruits of Treason?
posted by docsleaze
Top Royal-watcher Hugh Ropley-Tossington has claimed a massive official cover-up with regard to the Duke of Edinburgh’s recent illness and hospital stay. “The official line about him suffering chest pains is absolute nonsense,” the author of Muck House: Inside the Pleasure Palace told ....
Stalking Santa
posted by docsleaze
One person unlikely to get a visit from Santa this year is Madge Howlett, after it emerged that Father Christmas had taken an injunction out against the thirty four year old Droitwich shop assistant, preventing her from coming within thirty feet of him, or communicating with him in any way....
The Organ Snatchers
posted by docsleaze
Has Top Gear presenter and prize cock end Jeremy Clarkson inadvertently blown the lid on a sinister new government plot? Top conspiracy theorist Will Cupstock believes that Clarkson’s recent controversial remarks on a BBC chat show contain important clues as to a secret government policy to...
Forbidden Fruit
posted by docsleaze
Day time television viewers were left shocked this week after popular gardening expert Adam Tithead appeared to suffer an on air breakdown. Throughout Monday’s edition of his show Green Fingers, forty three year old Tithead repeatedly squeezed a pair of large ripe melons, much to the...
An English Country Crime Wave
posted by docsleaze
“Look out mate – they’re going in guns blazing today!” With that warning I found myself roughly shoved out of the way as a Honda Accord screamed across the village green and crashed through the already boarded up window of the local shop. As I watched in incredulity from behind the cover of the war memorial, two figures wearing balaclavas and holding shotguns, eased themselves from the front seats of the vehicle and ambled into the shop, one of them pulling a shopping bag on wheels. Through the smashed window I saw them fire their guns into the ceiling, before filling the shopping trolley with tinned goods and money from the till....
Delta Fatwah 2: Pilg...
posted by docsleaze
DIRECTOR: MUSTAPHA KAKKAH. RUNNING TIME: 94 mins. DVD: ARAB STRAP. PRICE £15.99 CERT 18 A sequel to last year’s Delta Fatwah (a blockbuster tale of Arab special forces commandos defending the Islamic world from the evil West by slaughtering thousands of innocent citizens), Delta Fatwah 2:...
Just Like That!
posted by docsleaze
“Honestly, the scene where he thrusts his knob instead of a sword through the sides of a wicker basket containing his beautiful female assistance is comic genius,” enthuses John Pusker of Brazen Films, as he describes one of the highlights of the company’s latest DVD release, much loved...
Give War a Chance
posted by docsleaze
“I know it isn’t what people want to hear, but world peace is bad for business,” declares former UK Ministry of Defence adviser Alan Wickler. “Besides, it simply isn’t natural – the truth is that people love a good war. It brings communities together, builds character and keeps...