Save Our Smut May21

Save Our Smut

“Internet pornography is the new front line in the fight for freedom,” declares top blogger Norman Plinth, defending his ‘Save Our Smut’ campaign, which aims to frustrate the newly elected right-wing Conservative government’s plans to restrict Britons’ access to on...

Super Sex Fiends May14

Super Sex Fiends

Was top British sex fiend Jimmy Savile the result of secret government experiments during World War Two to develop super powered soldiers? This is the sensational claim being made by former Ministry of Defence research scientist Dr Marlon Pook. “It’s the only explanation for the sheer...

Eastern Evil May07

Eastern Evil

“It’s not bigotry to dislike Poles and other Eastern Europeans and to want them to go back to where they came from,” UKIP leader Nigel Farage has told the Daily Excess. “Everybody knows that they represent a very grave threat to British society due to their proclivities for vampirism...

Bad Business Apr30

Bad Business

Businessmen – what a bunch of fucking bastards, eh? Yeah, that’s right, I’m dissing businessmen, in fact, I’m being anti-business. Heresy, I know, in today’s political climate where we’re all meant to worship at the feet of the great god of commerce, but the fact...

Machine Politics Apr23

Machine Politics

The UK’s opposition to an international ban on ‘killer robots’ at a recent UN conference has shed light on a sinister plot, a top technology writer has claimed. “Why on earth would senior ministers and diplomats oppose the further development of such autonomous weapons...

I’m Blacking Britain! Apr16

I’m Blacking Britain!

An obscure political pressure group – Blacking Up Britain – has claimed responsibility for UKIP leader Nigel Farage’s appearance in black face for the launch of his party’s election manifesto. Farage’s attempt to present UKIP’s policies for the forthcoming general election whilst blacked up caused outrage, despite attempts to present it some kind of ironic joke. “He was just trying to uphold the old English folk traditions of blacking up – everyone knows that the wearing of black face has nothing to do with racism,” Italian shipping tycoon Mario Pudenda – one of the anti-European party’s biggest financial...

Dimensional Deficit Apr09

Dimensional Deficit

A top scientist has warned that the Conservative Party’s latest deficit reduction policies could threaten the very fabric of existence and result in the destruction of the earth as we know it. “It’s the most irresponsible abuse of science in the pursuit of votes I’ve ever...

Illegal Aliens Apr02

Illegal Aliens

Is the appearance of a number of mysterious domed installations linked to a rise in political extremism in the UK? “Our investigations have shown that wherever these things appear, an upsurge of extreme right-wing activity follows – UKIP, the English Defence League, England First and sundry...

Mullahs From Space Mar26

Mullahs From Space

A UKIP prospective parliamentary candidates has sent shockwaves through Britain’s political landscape with his claims that the origins of Islamic extremism are literally other worldly. “Islam doesn’t just look and feel like an alien culture, it is an an alien culture – originating...

Bad Memories Mar19

Bad Memories

According to a top psychologist, TV entertainer turned convicted sex offender Rolf Harris’s victims aren’t just confined to those unfortunate women he sexually molested. Professor Roger Persil claims that many Britons feel traumatised by the fact that their cherished childhood...

Sex Machina Mar12

Sex Machina

“It’s bloody ridiculous – if this case returns a guilty verdict then presumably we’ll be seeing vibrators and other sex toys suing their users for sexual assault!” declared Daily Excess columnist Reginald Crutter in reference to the extraordinary trial currently being hosted at...

Peado Finder General Mar05

Peado Finder General

Having declared that Britain’s children have been subjected to sexual abuse on ‘an industrial scale’, Prime Minister David Cameron has unveiled his new weapon in the war against the perpetrators of such abuse: the so called ‘Peado Finder General’. “It’s...

All Compassion Spent Feb26

All Compassion Spent

Don’t worry, I’m not going to rant about those crackpot conspiracy theorists again. Not that they aren’t still out there peddling their deluded versions of the ‘truth’ to the unwary. But I’ve had my fill of them for the time being – there are more pressing...

Enter the Sexecutioner Feb19

Enter the Sexecutioner

“These are possibly the most disturbing hostage videos yet to come out of the whole Middle East crisis – even worse than those beheading videos,” says Middle East expert Mohammed Al Cack, with regard to number of videos featuring Islamic State members which have recently been uploaded to various video-sharing and social media sites online. “Truly, I was shocked at just how degrading to the victims and their families they were! They are clearly the work of depraved maniacs!” Each of the five videos so far uploaded appear to show a captured ISIS fighter, clad in pink, bent over a barrel, chair or table by a mysterious figure wearing a black...

The Conspiracy Man Feb12

The Conspiracy Man

One of Britain’s top conspiracy theorists is reeling from the revelation that he might not actually exist. “I was first alerted to the fact that I could be some kind of false flag operation when people started pointing out that my profile picture on Facebook looks a lot like an actor...

What Lies Beneath Feb05

What Lies Beneath

After the UK was struck by two earthquakes in quick succession – first in Winchester, then in Rutland – a leading scientist has claimed that, far from being natural phenomena, these earth tremors were, in fact, the first stage of an assault by hostile forces upon the country. “It’s...