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Street Fighting Pope

What lies behind Pope Francis’ assault on a woman in St Peter’s Square on New Year’s Eve? Was he fighting off sex starved Papal groupie, or was he preparing to fight evil with his fists?

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Heaven Can’t Wait

Man threatens to sue NHS for reviving him from clinical death. Claims medics' actions wrenched him unwillingly from heavenly paradise. Controversially claims hereafter is eternal pub presided over by Christ the Geezer.

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Breaking With Tradition

Another Christmas done. Personally, I spent an extremely tranquil, low-key, Christmas Day – no turkey, no bloody relatives, no Queen’s speech. Yet, despite all my determination to break with tradition, on Christmas Eve I found myself watching the Midnight Mass on BBC1...

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Peeping Santa

Santa's memoirs threaten to reveal salacious details of celebrities caught in flagrante delicto as he came down their chimneys. Legal action threatened as details of Peeping Santa's activities made public.

Tory Death Cult

Is the Tory Party under Boris Johnson actually a death cult? Top political analyst claims Tory supporters being lead into oblivion by a false Messiah.

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Manifesto Madness

Does Labour have ‘Manifesto of Madness’ designed to undermine middle class conservatism through compulsory drug taking and homosexuality? Extraordinary claims by Tories that Corbyn victory would mean ‘enforced permissiveness’.

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National Death Service

Is Britain’s National Health Service being transformed into a ‘National Death Service’? Activist argues Tories turning NHS into institution for mass euthanasia of poor, disabled and elderly.

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Just Sayin’!

This is what we need to do: start using the right’s tactics to get back at them. Steal all their shitty defences and phrases and use them to justify ourselves every time we call them Nazis and the like. Before you know it, the snowflakes will be whining on about ‘cultural appropriation’…

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Ghost Trolling

Paranormal Investigator, Exorcist and Agony Aunt The Reverend Leonard Fanny advises readers on their supernatural problems. This time, a reader fears that we will never be rid of a group og ghosts constantly trolling her over her appearance. Can the Rev help?

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The Turning of Nigel Farage

Has Brexit Party leader Nigel Farage been converted to the cause of Remain? Has he been secretly brain-washed by EU with aim of sabotaging latest Bexit deal? Or is he victim of black magic plot on part of powerful witch doctor and Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn?

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The Great British Porn Challenge

Reality TV show that gets participants to film own adult movies is latest UK viewing sensation. ‘Great British Porn Challenge’ hailed as greatest TV phenomenon since ‘Great British Bake Off’. Makers claim series aims to revive lost skills of adult movie production in the UK.

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Boris and the Beast

Is Boris Johnson the reincarnation of neolithic sex beast? Incredible claims that Prime Minister’s alleged groping of women is result of this bestial past life involuntarily reasserting itself. Claims that other right wing leaders also apes in past lives.

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Smash and Grab?

Parliamentarians fear any attempt to arrest law breaking Prime Minister Boris Johnson might result in parliament being smashed by his Hulk alter ego. Experts, however, believe if Johnson allowed to break law with impunity, law breaking will be legitimised and the UK overwhelmed by lawlessness.

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Spanked by the Swastika

Several old cans of film dug up from a field reveal a sensational wartime secret involving a lost British pornographic propaganda film. Was ‘Spanked by the Swastika’ banned because of fears it made Nazis sexually attractive, or because it made bondage available to the masses?

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Broken Up Britain

If Brexit has ‘broken’ Britain, with opinion on leave or remain splitting the population down the middle, is the solution to break up Britain? Cross party political group propose North-South split, with South staying in EU and North cast adrift. Strict North to South immigration rules suggested to protect Southern jobs.

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Outrageous Indignation

The question we should really have been asking about Mark Field,the Tory MP suspended for violently manhandling a female protester at a Mansion House function, wasn’t whether he acted because he perceived herr as a threat, but whether he would have done the same thing if she had been a real terrorist?

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Trump Island

Is government planning to sell UK to Donald Trump post-Brexit? Former Tory adviser suggests sale would solve UK’s problems in event of no deal Brexit by obviating need for trade deals and replacing expensive public services with Trump corporate services.

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The Third Secret

Just what is the truth behind the Third Secret of Sutton Coldfield? Why is it being suppressed by the Vatican? Conspiracy theorist claims it prophesises gay pope, thereby threatening whole basis of Catholicism.

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The Wet Sell

Will male incontinence products be the next advertising phenomena? With women’s incontinence products market now saturated, advertisers turning to male equivalents, promising ‘Wet Sell’ to make rubber pants and adult nappies to cater for binge drinking and curry consequences sexy.

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