Inhuman Bondage Dec18

Inhuman Bondage

“Those redacted bits in the Senate Intelligence Committee report on the use of torture on terror suspects weren’t just to try and cover up UK involvement, but to hide just how embarrassing our contribution was,” former Security Service officer Dan Shagler has told The Sleaze. “The fact...

An Austerity Xmas Dec11

An Austerity Xmas

With Christmas approaching, disturbing reports of a Santa-figure stealing presents and wrecking decorations have emerged. “He didn’t even come down the chimney – the bastard just burst in through the front door,” thirty nine year Doris Klynge told the Solihull Observer. “He was dressed...

Slim The Ebola Way Dec04

Slim The Ebola Way

“Look, there really is no danger to this new weight loss regime – don’t believe all those scare stories in the press,” says Dr Hans Schlonger, the man behind the controversial new ‘Slim the Ebola Way’ scheme. “It’s all perfectly natural –...

Save Our Celebrities...

“At last those poor oppressed celebrities are fighting back against the evil mastermind Ed Miliband and his ‘Mansion Tax’,” declares Harold Crackman, millionaire proprietor of the Daily Excess in a recent editorial. “First it was Griff Rhys Jones who was daring enough to risk...

Collateral Damage Nov20

Collateral Damage

A Northampton man who opened fire on his neighbours with an illegally held assault rifle has claimed that he was suffering a flashback to his time in Afghanistan and thought that he was defending himself against the Taliban. According to thirty four year old Joe Crapster, his lethal flashback...

Feeling Uncharitable Nov17

Feeling Uncharitable

Apparently it doesn’t have to be any good – it just matters that you buy it because it’s for charity, you see. At least, that’s what Bob Geldof has been telling everyone with regard to the latest version of the ‘Band Aid’ single being inflicted upon an...

Eating Poverty Nov13

Eating Poverty

Are austerity and the government’s benefit cuts forcing Britain’s poorest citizens into cannibalism? This is the shocking claim being made by a top anti-poverty campaigner in the wake of the recent tragedy at Welsh homeless hostel during which one resident died after being tasered...

Royal Baby Snatchers

An Oxford woman has sensationally claimed that one of the Royal Princes is, in fact, her son, kidnapped at the age of four and subsequently brought up by Prince Charles and the late Princess Diana as their child. “It was the posh accent which threw me, but the more I saw Prince Harry on the...

The Haunting of Simon Cowell

Behind the scenes sources at ITV’s X-Factor are claiming that the programme’s production team is in the grip of panic ahead of the Halloween edition, with rumours of seances and Ouija boards being used to try and contact producer and judge Simon Cowell. “My sources are telling me that no one has seen him since last week’s show,” claims Daily Norks showbiz reporter Bruce Poke. “Although, confusingly, many of the production team and contestants have claimed that they can still feel his presence around the studio, with many reporting the sensation of having him standing behind them and looking over their shoulders as they...

The Ghost Gropers Oct16

The Ghost Gropers

With Halloween approaching, church leaders and child safety groups have issued warnings over the dangers of a new supernatural craze sweeping Britain’s youth. “It seems to be derived from the nineties horror film Candyman, where saying the eponymous character’s name five times in...

Benefits of Terror Oct09

Benefits of Terror

The government’s so-called ‘Workfare’ scheme, whereby the long-term unemployed are forced to take unpaid ‘work experience placements’ or face losing their benefits, appears to have taken a sinister turn, with a young Briton, claiming to be on a placement with a...

Parliamentary Nudes Oct02

Parliamentary Nudes

The government is bracing itself for more embarrassment amid rumours that a further batch of nude photos of prominent Tory Ministers and MPs are set to be released online. Still reeling from last week’s release of candid naked photos of cabinet ministers, including Foreign Secretary...

Witches of Westminster Sep25

Witches of Westminst...

The government has found itself accused of hypocrisy following claims that top cabinet ministers resorted to witchcraft in order to ensure a ‘No’ vote in the recent Scottish independence referendum. According to a report in today’s Daily Norks, Prime Minister David Cameron,...

Better Together? Sep18

Better Together?

Prime Minister David Cameron stands accused of deliberately undermining the ‘Better Together’ campaign in order to ensure a ‘Yes’ vote in this week’s referendum on Scottish independence. “Why else was he so insistent on making those personal appearances in...

Naked Fame Sep11

Naked Fame

First off, I’d like to assure anyone reading this that are no naked pictures of me out in the cloud (or anywhere else, for that matter), just waiting to be stolen by hackers and published on some forum or photo-sharing site. I know that will be a huge relief to those of you still...

The Dead That Crap Sep04

The Dead That Crap

A former relief worker has sensationally claimed that governments, the United Nations and World Health Organisation (WHO) have all been lying to the public about the Ebola outbreak currently raging through West Africa. “As if the cholera outbreak itself isn’t bad enough, now the victims are rising from the dead as zombies – shitting zombies!” Jim Jubblyz told journalists after crashing a London press conference for a British nurse who had survived an Ebola infection he had contracted whilst working in Sierra Leone. . “I don’t know what’s causing it – experimental pesticides used on local crops,...