DIRECTOR: JEAN-PAUL BRANLETTE. RUNNING TIME: 89 mins. DVD: REDWING. PRICE: £14.99 CERT: 18 A curious film made in 1970s France, Bondage is perhaps the only example of a homo-erotic attempt at the Robin Hood legend. For the most part it follows the traditional version of the oft-told tale, its...
Son of Bollocks
posted by docsleaze
A former News of the World executive has angrily denied that the now defunct paper attempted to set up the kidnapping of former Spice Girl Haliwell. “Such an allegation is utterly insane,” says a spokesman for publisher News International. “Who in their right mind would pay money to get...
Crap Stories (Mallak...
posted by docsleaze
DIRECTOR: TOM TURNER. RUNNING TIME: 97 mins. DVD: THUNDERBOX. PRICE: £18.99 CERT: 18 Total turd might be a good way to describe this truly terrible exploration of the lives of people who are crap fetishists. The bottom line, (so to speak), is that writer/director/producer Tom Turner’s...
Apes a Go Go! (Macaq...
posted by docsleaze
DIRECTOR: SIMEON MANDRILL. RUNNING TIME: 83 mins. DVD: REDWING. PRICE £7.99 CERT 15 A 1960′s cult favourite involving a stash of weed, hippies, a VW beetle, and a gorilla that periodically turns invisible. No, really, it does exist and truly needs to be seen to be believed....
Forbidden Fruit
posted by docsleaze
Day time television viewers were left shocked this week after popular gardening expert Adam Tithead appeared to suffer an on air breakdown. Throughout Monday’s edition of his show Green Fingers, forty three year old Tithead repeatedly squeezed a pair of large ripe melons, much to the...
Delta Fatwah 2: Pilg...
posted by docsleaze
DIRECTOR: MUSTAPHA KAKKAH. RUNNING TIME: 94 mins. DVD: ARAB STRAP. PRICE £15.99 CERT 18 A sequel to last year’s Delta Fatwah (a blockbuster tale of Arab special forces commandos defending the Islamic world from the evil West by slaughtering thousands of innocent citizens), Delta Fatwah 2:...
Just Like That!
posted by docsleaze
“Honestly, the scene where he thrusts his knob instead of a sword through the sides of a wicker basket containing his beautiful female assistance is comic genius,” enthuses John Pusker of Brazen Films, as he describes one of the highlights of the company’s latest DVD release, much loved...
Total Bollocks Retur...
posted by docsleaze
Welsh crooner Tom Jones has found himself coming under fire from several sources. His attempts to move into rap and hip hop have apparently met with a hostile reaction from several top US rap artists. However, Dr Dre has denied that protégé Eminem chainsawed a giant replica of Welsh crooner...
Spy News
posted by docsleaze
The revelation that News International has launched a spy satellite to better facilitate its tabloid newsgathering capability, has caused great consternation amongst media rivals, politicians and human rights activists. “This is a very disturbing development,” claims top civil rights...
That’s Wanking...
posted by docsleaze
DIRECTOR: ROD WALLOPER. RUNNING TIME: 76 mins. DVD: REDWING. PRICE £12.99 CERT 18 Intended to be a companion piece to That’s Spanking, the same director’s compilation of famous cinematic spanking sequences, this film celebrates the unjustly neglected cinema of masturbation. Experienced...
Talking Bollocks
posted by docsleaze
Our reporter Suzie Sleaze brings you all the latest completely made up gossip from the world of entertainment! ...
The Great British News Scandal
posted by docsleaze
With Rupert Murdoch’s media empire already mired in scandal, a former News International employee is claiming that there are even worse revelations about the behaviour of the organisation’s journalists and executives to come. “When Rebekah Brooks told those News of the World journalists the reason why Murdoch had no choice but to close the paper and sack them all would become clearer in twelve months’ time, she was being optimistic,” opines Harry Spanks, one time horoscope writer for the doomed tabloid. “Believe me, all the stuff about hacking the phones of murder victims and the relatives of soldiers killed in Afghanistan is...
Kick Ass Jesus
posted by docsleaze
“That film he made about Father Christmas going crazy and being shot by the police was bad enough, but with this new one, where Jesus goes around beating up Muslims and torturing atheists, he’s really gone too far,” opines Ned Mingo, assistant editor of Overexposed film magazine, after...
Confessions of a Sex Murderer
posted by docsleaze
“This film’s a long lost British classic, and I’m proud that we’ve been able to restore it to its full glory and make it available to the wider public once more,” declared John Pusker of Brazen Films, at yesterday’s official press launch of his company’s latest DVD release – the notorious 1975 slasher movie Confessions of a Sex Murderer. “For far too long it’s been fashionable for critics to sneer at the output of the British film industry in the 1970s, dismissing it all as ineptly made cheap sex comedies, violent crime films or unpleasant horror flicks, all focusing on smut and the exploitation of women. But that just...
The Madness of Charlie Sheen
posted by docsleaze
The pressures of fame and fortune can send even the toughest of stars over the edge, as Hollywood legend Charlie Sheen’s most recent antics have shown. However, allegations have surfaced that there is a conspiracy to deliberately push some top celebrities to insanity. “Charlie Sheen isn’t the first guy to fall victim,” notorious Hollywood private eye Herb Flucker has claimed in an exclusive interview with the popular tabloid Weekly World Shopper. “I saw the same thing happen to Randy Quaid – they started intercepting his mail so he didn’t get his royalty cheques, then they started screwing up his hotel bills to get him charged...
The Tabloid Detectiv...
posted by docsleaze
“As far as I’m concerned, it was an admission of guilt when that bastard killed himself, and completely vindicates my investigation,” declares Tom Mulligan, the man dubbed ‘The Tabloid Detective’, upon hearing that he would be facing criminal charges following the suicide of Ron...
Small of Me!
posted by docsleaze
Recent revelations have highlighted a darker side to legendary crooner, actor and ‘Rat Pack’ leader Frank Sinatra. Many of his activities – from his womanising to his links with organised crime – belied the fun-loving all-round good guy image he liked to project. For...
Filthy Rich
posted by docsleaze
The autobiography of former cleaner to the stars Edie Brickham is set to rock the world of showbiz with a series of completely unsubstantiated allegations about the unhygienic habits of the succession of top stars that she claims to have cleaned up after for over thirty years. Fans of the...
Fiend With the Tabloid Brain
posted by docsleaze
Cameron’s ‘Big Society’ – local communities getting involved in policing. That’s what we need – like the Old West, deputise citizens to sort out local trouble. Form a posse to chase out bloody youths and their posse. It’s bloody political correctness gone mad at the moment – if my and mates were to give some little toe-rag spitting on the street a good spanking, we’d be the ones in the wrong! Bloody ridiculous! Bloody bleeding heart liberal judges! Summary justice, that’s what we need! Save us the cost of a trial too – help cut the deficit. Just string ‘em up in...
Stop…Carry On!...
posted by docsleaze
DIRECTOR: JACK GOODFELLOW. RUNNING TIME: 81 mins. DVD: SNUFFBOX. PRICE £9.99 CERT 15 This is something of a throwback to those early 1950s British movies turned out by tin pot production companies trying to cash in on the transient fame of a then popular radio or music hall performer. After...
Going for Gold
posted by docsleaze
“Obviously, if we’re going to do as well as we did in Beijing, we’re going to have to get some new disciplines that nobody else has any experience in included for 2012,” declared London Mayor and general buffoon Boris Johnson as he inspected the Olympic facilities...
Porn to be Wild
posted by docsleaze
“Look, until 1971 there were only two sexual positions: missionary position and doggy-style. Everyone was satisfied with that, nobody suspected that anything else was possible, or could be satisfying,” says top adult movie performer and producer Dennis Jigger, who claims to have...
Football Crazy
posted by docsleaze
The England football team’s ignominious exit from the 2010 World Cup has left fans severely traumatised, and the country seemingly teetering on the brink of massive civil unrest. “This has been building for years,” says tabloid sports journalist Terry Tittlee....
Wacko Jacko Whacked?
posted by docsleaze
La Toya Jackson’s claims that her brother Michael was murdered for financial reasons has been given credence by a top music industry insider. “Hell, that sort of thing goes on all the time in this business,” opines former record company executive Barry Buttclinch from his...
Knights of Cumalot (...
posted by docsleaze
DIRECTOR: HUGH JAMPTON. RUNNING TIME: 92 mins. DVD: SNUFFBOX ENTERTAINMENT. PRICE £8.99 CERT 18 This has to represent pretty much the nadir of British sexploitation. Surprisingly good production values (the sets and costumes look as if they were salvaged from some higher-budget production)...
Cooking Up Trouble
posted by docsleaze
Whilst cookery programmes presented by celebrity chefs are currently riding high in the TV ratings, one of Britain’s top cooks has launched a scathing attack on them. Speaking from the kitchen of his restaurant ‘Hootchie Cootchie’s’ in Mill Hill, Percy Lingham told us...
Fashionably Dead
posted by docsleaze
“It’s absolute fashion genius,” squeals fashion designer Rob Boong-Moll, as he prepares his controversial new collection for Scunthorpe Fashion Week. “To be found hanging in a wardrobe, amongst your latest creations – it’s just so chic!” The...
The Search for Cock ...
posted by docsleaze
DIRECTOR: BERKELY JOHNSON. RUNNING TIME: 86 mins. DVD: BIZARRE BAZAAR. PRICE £12.99 CERT 18 An enterprising piece of science fiction smut – basically an unauthorised erotic remake of original Star Trek pilot episode The Cage – this amazing shoestring production (variously released...
Deviants Are Forever...
posted by docsleaze
DIRECTOR: HUGH JAMPTON. RUNNING TIME: 105 mins. DVD: SNUFFBOX ENTERTAINMENT. PRICE £8.99 CERT 18 Adapted from the novel by Ian Phlegming, this is the fourth of the popular James Bondage series, and the second starring Rump Gulley as Bondage. This episode pits the super-spy against yet...
Flushed With Love
posted by docsleaze
According to the Romans the Spanish rinsed their mouths with their own urine in order to whiten their teeth (something to bear in mind the next time an A-list celebrity flashes their gleaming smile for the cameras). Even today, hundreds of thousands of people in India and China drink their...