Category: Science

Alien Excrement

Is giant asteroid alien spaceship or alien excrement? Top astro-plumber claims Oumuamua is actually huge extraterrestrial turd excreted by gigantic aliens. Demands earth authorities take immediate action to address risk of planet being devastated by alien steamer strikes.

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Is Meat Murder?

Militant vegans eaten by lions as they shout ‘Meat is Murder’ at big cats. Anti carnivore group affirms ambition to ‘convert’ predatory animals to vegetarianism. RSPCA brands ‘carnivore conversion’ programme ‘animal cruelty’ as allegedly successful subjects die of malnutrition.

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Coming of the Sex Bots

Should sex robots looking like children be banned? Experts warn of potential perils posed by realistic sex bots, including rape and sexual harassment by proxy. Should they only be playthings of wealthy rapists, or available to the masses to facilitate redistribution of sexual intercourse?

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Rise of the Robots

Experts warn that within years robots will be able to carry out any human job. Where next for humanity, as even robot beggars predicted for near future?

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Medical Magic

Government plans to break junior doctors’ dispute by using blackleg alternative medical practitioners, including voodoo priests, spiritualists and shamans, revealed. Patients complain of use of animal sacrifices instead of pharmaceuticals.

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Robot Jihad

Is alleged ‘Robot Suicide Bomber’ that took out episode of ‘Robot Wars’ vanguard of new ‘Techno Terror’ campaign by Isis? Fears that household appliances could be reprogrammed into killers by radicalised repair men after housewife suffers near fatal washing machine assault.

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Bad Weather

Is main bidder for BBC weather forecasting contract involved in manipulating weather to fix outcome of sporting events for shady Far Eastern betting syndicates? Amazing claims made by investigative journalist!

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Rogue Reapers

Have Experimental Autonomous Killer Drones Gone Rogue in UK? Government Denies Series of Attacks on Asian Businesses and 4×4 Dealerships Down to ‘Rogue Reapers’.

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Frozen Assets

Tory scheme to cryogenically freeze long-term unemployed to save of benefits payments exposed! Government plans to thaw out frozen assets as required by state of economy!

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Super Sex Fiends

Were Notorious Sex Fiends Jimmy Savile and Rolf Harris the Result of Secret British Government Experiments? Top Scientist Claims Pair’s Super Powers Allowed Them to Offend on Unprecedented Scale!

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Sex Machina

Advanced Sex Robot Sensationally Accuses Man of Rape! Incredible Scenes at Old Bailey as Court Deliberates Whether a Sentient Machine can Withhold Consent!

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Uncanny Sex Men

Has the US deployed a team of top secret super powered porn stars against terrorists and rogue states? Incredible Claims that Top Secret Covert Military Project Financed by US Adult Film Industry!

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Slim The Ebola Way

Controversial Medic’s Use of Ebola as Slimming Agent for Celebrity Clients Condemned by Experts. Allegations that West African Aid Effort Being Hampered by Celebrities Seeking Rapid Weight Loss.

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The Dead That Crap

Aid Worker Claims West African Ebola Outbreak a Fake! Alleges Global Scientific Community is Actually Covering Up Plague of Zombies!

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Right to Forget

Censorship or Therapy? New Technology Promises TV Viewers Ability to Exercise Their ‘Right to Forget’ Traumatic Memories of Rolf Harris and Jimmy Savile!

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Stolen Lives?

Web Users Face Copyright Threats After Claims Their Lives are Too Similar to Those of Celebrities! Is Google’s New ‘Life ID’ System Being Abused by Shady Digital Rights Collection Agencies?

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