One person unlikely to get a visit from Santa this year is Madge Howlett, after it emerged that Father Christmas had taken an injunction out against the thirty four year old Droitwich shop assistant, preventing her from coming within thirty feet of him, or communicating with him in any way....

Just when you thought the furore over paedophiles had died down, we here at The Sleaze aim to stir it up again! This time, in order to avoid the wrong people getting their houses torched or their pet cats hanged just because they share a name with someone named and shamed in the papers or look...

“When they talked about fighting fire with fire, I don’t think this was what they had in mind,” says Peckham resident Arthur Piddle as he watches a mob of so-called vigilantes hurl firebombs through the windows of a local house. “I know they’re saying that the lad...

“Trust me, it’s the truth – Sepp Blatter was behind the assassination of Osama bin Laden. Blatter had got word that Osama was planning to stand against him in FIFA’s presidential elections. He feared that, as Bin Laden was widely regarded as being less corrupt and...

“Why is he doing this to me? What right has he to tell the world about the intimate details of my private life – it’s nobody’s business but mine, surely?” A thirty two year old Salford scaffolder is claiming that he is being subjected to a campaign of harassment by a Premiership...

“I know that electrocuting race horses must seem like a pretty small scale scheme compared to some of the stuff we pulled off in the past, but there is a recession on, after all,” noted super villain Ernst Stavro Blofeld explained to Piers Morgan during an interview on the former tabloid...

With the festive shopping season in full swing, parents are being warned of the threat posed by rogue Santas. “One of these jokers could easily ruin a child’s Christmas,” warns Derek Trilby, of Staines Trading Standards. “Any kiddie visiting the makeshift grottoes set...

With growing calls for so-called ‘suicide chat rooms’ – where the depressed, despairing and Goths go to discuss the best methods of killing themselves and form ‘suicide pacts’ – to be closed down, one internet entrepreneur is proposing to instead replace...

“It was just horrible – they told me to take this dog out to the back of the shelter and smack it over the head with half a brick,” sobs Henry Jiztrom, a former worker at the Balham Canine Samaritan Centre, which is currently being investigated by both police and the Royal Society for...

“I couldn’t believe what I was seeing – two coppers selling guns from the boot of their car! It was bloody disgraceful,” says fifty-two year old Joshua Weddler. “Of course, they were trying to hide the fact that they were the fuzz – they had raincoats on over their uniforms. But...

“I thought ‘torture tourism’ was about the US and UK sending terror suspects to be interrogated in countries where it was OK to attach electrodes to their genitals, rather than just ask them politely whether they were a terrorist,” declares thirty-two year old former...

The nation’s japesters are mourning the sudden death of Britain’s greatest practical joker, Josiah Jacobs. Fifty-six year old Jacobs was killed in what appears to be a hit and run accident, with many of his fans suspecting that the culprit may have been one of the master...

Police in London have described how they have broken up a vicious Santa-fighting ring. “This was a highly organised group of criminals who were arranging big-money fights between Santas,” explains Chief Inspector Jim Bobbler of Scotland Yard’s Seasonal Crimes Squad....

“It’s bloody outrageous – I feel as if I’ve been cyber-raped!” declares Freda Glinthern, a thirty-two year old Londoner who was shocked to find herself featured in a compromising position on Google’s new Street View application. “People should be able...

“Bloody hell! What’s she doing with that melon? Oh God, look where he’s smearing that salad cream! Jesus, now he’s taking her wheelbarrow-style! This is just perfect,” enthuses twenty-seven year old Lionel Juggwaltz, as, crouched below the ground floor window...

The recent conviction of a sixty-six year old woman for stalking sixty-four year old actor Martin Shaw is just the tip of the iceberg with regard to geriatric sex offending, a top sexologist believes. “Believe me, just because the body is aged, the desires and urges to commit perverse...

I dread this time of year, I feel like a pariah,” says Tim Coxend, a forty year old Chelmsford bachelor. “Last year a mob of happy couples gathered outside my house shouting ‘You sad bastard, you’, before pelting the windows with those heart-shaped chocolates.” ...

The British criminal justice system has been rocked to its very foundations by a series of newspaper revelations concerning the alleged misconduct of several high profile judges. According to a recent article in the Daily Excess, a High Court judge was caught having sex with a defence...

Fears have been raised that the future of Britain’s entire personal services industry could be at risk following the publication an autobiography purporting to reveal the truth behind the apparently glamourous world of prostitution. “I’m deeply concerned that thousands of...

Hardly a week seems to go by without news of another multiple shooting in the US. Are these tragedies simply the work of crazed individuals who have spent years harbouring obscure grudges, their vengeful killing sprees enabled by the ready availability of firearms, or are they actually part...

Who is Britain’s biggest liar? Is it ‘historian’ David Irvine, who has sought to deny that the holocaust ever took place? Or perhaps disgraced ex-Tory minister and London Mayoral candidate Jeffrey Archer, who has invented most of his own personal history and passed himself of...

“I was just trying to help lonely men like myself find true love,” says thirty five year old Ed Wangler, former proprietor of the Desperately Seeking Someone Introductions Agency, who is facing a lengthy jail sentence following his conviction for kidnap, stalking and sexual...

Are Madonna and other celebrities adopting third world children for purely altruistic reasons, or are they actually part of a sinister new underground blood sport: toddler fighting? The phenomena recently came to light after the prosecution of a group of women in Devon, who had incited two...

“It’s their own fault for looking like weirdoes, innit?” opines twenty year old Portsmouth man Darren Titt, as he stands outside the local Magistrates Court, having been released on bail, following his arrest for attempting to burn down a house used by the local authority to...

“They should cut the place loose and push it out to sea, in my opinion,” says thirty eight year old Tom Throbb, one of a growing number of Britons moving back to the over crowded cities from rural counties like Devon and Cornwall. “They’re just a bunch of inbred...

“It was just an ordinary bit of post-pub ruckus – everybody had had a few pints and this argument broke out. At first it was just a bit of pushing and shoving, then this bloke reached inside his jacket and pulled out a pilchard!” Twenty four year old Portsmouth tyre fitter...

“Club 18-30 is dead, today’s young people are too sophisticated to simply want to go to Spain, get bladdered, dance themselves sick and indulge in unbridled meaningless sex whilst under the influence,” explains Ronnie Raddocks, the entrepreneur behind a controversial new...

“Last year I took my grandchildren to a Birmingham department store to meet Santa, only to find the grotto occupied by ‘Rasta Christmas’. I stared open-mouthed in disbelief as a large Afro-Carribean man with dreadlocks, multi-coloured woolly hat and false beard, sipping a...