“One of those royal bastards is a murderer! If they aren’t stopped they’ll kill again,” claims Detective Inspector Reg Strangler, who is alleging a massive cover-up by the authorities with regard to the body recently discovered near the royal estate at Sandringham. “That’s why...

Top Royal-watcher Hugh Ropley-Tossington has claimed a massive official cover-up with regard to the Duke of Edinburgh’s recent illness and hospital stay. “The official line about him suffering chest pains is absolute nonsense,” the author of Muck House: Inside the Pleasure Palace told ....

Notorious tabloid The Shite has been forced to apologise to the Queen after printing a story implying that she had posed naked for a photographer. “I just asked her to take off her clothes. It was all artistic, nothing kinky like,” claimed fifty eight year old Gavin Plood. “I...

With News International finally admitting that its employees were involved in hacking the mobile phones of many public figures, further details have been emerging of their victims. Previously believed to have included celebrities, politicians and sportsmen, it has now transpired that the News...

“With Big Brother having ended, we see this as the perfect replacement,” says TV executive Kevin Frooker, introducing his latest format – Celebrity Messiah – to the press. “It’s got everything – the reality TV aspect, celebrities humiliating...

“I knew I was never going to be able to walk on water, or raise the dead, but this is the next best thing,” says Tommy Windchuff, one of Britain’s top messiah impersonators. “When I step out there and hear the audience screaming with adulation, just for a moment, I...

Was Jesus a nonce? Already rocked by allegations of decades of widespread child abuse by its priests, the Catholic church is now facing claims that its messiah, Jesus Christ, was himself a kiddie fiddler. Although rejected by the Vatican, the new claims have been seized upon catholic...

Church leaders dissatisfied with Pope Benedict XVI’s highly conservative papacy are reportedly already lining up potential successors. “He’s no spring chicken,” observes Bishop Jim Bazonga, a prominent member of the Roman Catholic Church’s liberal wing. “He...

Veteran Royal-watcher Hugh Ropley-Tossington is set to create controversy with his latest expose of the Royal Family – Muck House: Inside the Fun Palace. In it, he makes the sensational claim that in recent years several members of the Royal Family have regularly been doped at...

“He’s a religious fanatic, hell-bent on spreading his fundamentalist beliefs around the globe, branding anyone who disagrees with him as a heretic,” warns top theologian and conspiracy theorist Tommy Dodd, who claims to have evidence that Pope Benedict XVI is planning a...

Buckingham Palace is refusing to comment on newspaper reports that Prince Philip was recently arrested by police who had found him urinating in a dustbin in an alleyway behind Soho’s notorious ‘Throbbing Cock’ strip-club. The prince was allegedly held for over four hours at...

The prospect of a Vatican crackdown on sexual abuse by Catholic priests has caused consternation in the sexual deviancy community. “This is an appalling prospect,” opines Neville Gropewind, Secretary of the British Deviancy Association. “How on earth are our members...

Whilst sightings of Elvis Presley working in local fish and chip shops since his death are commonplace, Our Saviour Himself – Jesus Christ – has been notable by his absence, despite his loyal followers being promised a comeback from beyond the grave in his 2000th year. However,...

A new TV documentary has brought two top TV historians to blows. Professor Simon Smutt, famed for his TV series such as the Back Passages of History and Great Queens of England, and Dr David Starkers – star of the Naked Historian – became embroiled in an undignified spat at the...

The news that Prince Harry will face no criminal charges relating to the shooting of two hen harriers, a protected species, at the Sandringham estate has been greeted with incredulity in many quarters. “Those birds were just the tip of the iceberg,” opines top conservationist Bruce...

“Prince Philip killed my wife,” Sixty-six year old pensioner Len Crickler yesterday claimed in Harwich Crown Court, whilst on trial for his wife’s murder. “I saw him with my own eyes, standing over her with a pillow, an evil leer on his lips!” Although easily...

“This cult has to be the most evil organisation I’ve ever encountered – children are exposed to graphic images of a near-naked man being tortured, and told that eating his flesh and drinking his blood are some kind of passport to paradise,” says a shocked Chris Rooty,...

The Church of England’s (C of E) latest attempt to attract more young people into its congregation has met with a hostile response from both the authorities and other religious bodies. “I’m afraid that there is only so long that we can tolerate the sight of vicars hanging...

In a surprising development, the Roman Catholic church has moved to officially endorse masturbation. The result of an intense theological debate, the decision is seen by progressives in the Vatican as a major step forward in bringing Catholicism into the twenty first century. “Whether...

“I know that many people think that they are just dirty bastards who suffer from poor toilet training, but these pitiable souls are suffering from a genuine phobia,” explains Dr Fritz Ritter, as he stands in the living room of one of his patients, its walls streaked with excrement...

“If it becomes public knowledge that Jesus had a penis, the whole basis of our faith will be undermined,” a senior Vatican official has confided to The Sleaze. “That’s the real threat posed by the Da Vinci Code – not the fact that Our Lord had sexual relations...

The Vatican has been rocked by a ‘Cash for Canonisation’ scandal, in which it is alleged that various prominent public figures from the worlds of business, politics and entertainment, have paid money into secret accounts to ensure their rapid elevation to sainthood. The affair...

A senior Church of England cleric has launched an astonishing attack on Britain’s media. “Television, newspapers, magazines, so-called literature and ‘high’ art – they all feed the public a diet of morally corrupting filth which undermines decent society! Is it...

“I never expected any of this when I posted those pictures of my bum on the web – I only did it for a laugh,” bemoans twenty-two year old office worker Kerry McTarrant, who has found herself at the centre of a bizarre religious cult. “I just did it as a dare, to go one...

“You’ve got to watch out for the souvenir hunters – we caught one mourner trying to sneak out of the Basilica with His Holiness’ mitre stuffed down his trousers,” says Father Emilio Gazungas, the Jesuit priest who oversaw security for Pope John Paul II’s...

‘The Repressor’ – the very name struck terror into the hearts of sinners across the globe! Many was the back street abortionist, stunned by a crucifix thrown, boomerang-style, by the Cassocked Crusader, who – as they were lead away by the authorities – asked the...

In a surprise move a Judge in California has issued a warrant for the arrest of Jesus Christ. “I am convinced that there is sufficient evidence for this individual to be arrested and brought before this court on charges of vagrancy, corrupting the morals of minors and possibly even...

Evil is stalking Northamptonshire in the undead form of the vampirized Princess Diana, claims ‘Bishop’ John Salford, Britain’s self-styled top vampire hunter. Salford, a senior cleric in the West Midlands Catholic Church who plies his ministry via the internet, looks set to...

Was Princess Diana actually a highly successful international criminal, who died whilst attempting to escape from the French police? According to top German conspiracy theorist Hans Carvel the horrific car crash which left Diana, boyfriend Dodi Al Fayed and ‘chauffeur’ Henri Paul...

The arrest of two top Church of England bishops following a wild midnight party at the Bishop of Bournemouth’s palace, has blown the lid on the rock and roll lifestyles of Britain’s new breed of young clergy. Responding to complaints from local residents in the sleepy...