Category: Politics

Broken Up Britain

If Brexit has ‘broken’ Britain, with opinion on leave or remain splitting the population down the middle, is the solution to break up Britain? Cross party political group propose North-South split, with South staying in EU and North cast adrift. Strict North to South immigration rules suggested to protect Southern jobs.

Read More

Trump Island

Is government planning to sell UK to Donald Trump post-Brexit? Former Tory adviser suggests sale would solve UK’s problems in event of no deal Brexit by obviating need for trade deals and replacing expensive public services with Trump corporate services.

Read More

Black and White House

President Donald Trump shocks nation by appearing in black face and performing minstrel songs live from White House. Aides claim President’s actions represent celebration of black American culture and are definitely not racist.

Read More

True Blue Sex Scandal

Top political spin doctor laments lack of good sex scandals during Tory leadership contest. Contends that well-managed and carefully leaked affair can enhance candidate’s standing with male voters who believe sexual prowess and virility translate into political competence and international statesmanship.

Read More

Phoney War

Did President Trump’s German relative play crucial role in Allied victory in World War Two? New book claims General Von Trumpenhoffer advised Fuhrer D Day invasion was ‘Fake News’, ensuring reinforcements not sent. Also told Hitler to build wall to keep out Russians and suggested suing Allies for bomb damage.

Read More

Conspiracy of Conspiracy Theories

Are conspiracy theories themselves part of a conspiracy to subvert democratic institutions and national economies for the benefit of a shadowy elite? New book makes astounding claims that most popular conspiracy theories are being disseminated by sinister figures hoping to profit from the uncertainty and chaos they cause.

Read More

Bent Out of Shape

Home Secretary unveils Uri Gellar as new weapon against knife crime – promises future stabbings will be foiled as noted psychic causes offending blades to be bent out of shape before they can do any damage. Calls for initiative to be extended to sex crimes, with offending members withered before they can penetrate victims.

Read More

The Tories’ Last Orgy

Is the Tory party about to implode into an orgy of sadism and sexual depravity? Top political activist compares state of Tory government to last days of Third Reich, predicts it will self-destruct in hedonistic frenzy of sex and violence.

Read More

Send Them Home!

‘Send them home!’ In wake of New Zealand mosque terror shootings, Maori leaders call for European immigrants to go home. Sentiments echoed by Australian Aboriginals and Native Americans as all call for end to mass white immigration. Native Americans propose wall around US to keep out white hordes.

Read More

Worst Defence

Were Defence Secretary Gavin Williamson’s latest policy initiatives inspired by watching children’s TV? Worst Defence Secretary ever’s plans for moonbase and interceptors to combat future alien threat allegedly ripped off from Gerry Anderson TV shows.

Read More

Below the Belt

Is Jeff Bezos’ penis about to bring down Trump? Amazon boss calls Trump-supporting tabloid’s bluff, daring them to publish illicitly obtained ‘below the belt’ photos of the billionaire. Does ‘smoking wang’ point toward President?

Read More

Bum’s Rush

Fears that post-Brexit toilet paper shortages could lead to civil unrest. Government prepares plans for rationing (two sheets per dump) and martial law, while citizens explore potentially hazardous alternatives including newspaper and scouring pads.

Read More

Shoot ‘Em in the Commons

House of Commons in chaos as Corbyn’s ‘Zombie Government’ comment results in opposition MP firing shotgun at government benches, shouting ‘shoot ’em in the head!’ Rival parliamentary factions ‘tool up’ as Brexit debate turns violent!

Read More

Ghosts of Brexit

Desperate Theresa May claims Brexit deal rejected by Parliament actually drawn up by ghost of Margaret Thatcher. Prime Minister allegedly possessed by spirit of predecessor determined to pursue her Euroceptic agenda from beyond the grave. Cynical attempt to avert blame for humiliating defeat or inspired attempt to rally right-wing support for deal by accediting it to conservative icon?

Read More

Tory Tough Guy

Public amazement as Home Secretary takes tough line on immigration by personally attacking rubber dinghy and hurling illegal occupants back into sea. New policy initiative or cynical political posturing as Sajid Javid positions himself as Tory tough guy in race to succeed Theresa May?

Read More

Happy Brexmas!

Top Brexiteer switches sides following visitations from three ghosts with visions of Brexit past, present and future. Spectre of a far from Happy Brexmas with Santa being denied free movement to deliver presents, leads to cabinet minister embracing second referendum and ‘No Brexit at All’.

Read More
Loading
Real Time Web Analytics