Category: Politics

Worst Defence

Were Defence Secretary Gavin Williamson’s latest policy initiatives inspired by watching children’s TV? Worst Defence Secretary ever’s plans for moonbase and interceptors to combat future alien threat allegedly ripped off from Gerry Anderson TV shows.

Read More

Below the Belt

Is Jeff Bezos’ penis about to bring down Trump? Amazon boss calls Trump-supporting tabloid’s bluff, daring them to publish illicitly obtained ‘below the belt’ photos of the billionaire. Does ‘smoking wang’ point toward President?

Read More

Bum’s Rush

Fears that post-Brexit toilet paper shortages could lead to civil unrest. Government prepares plans for rationing (two sheets per dump) and martial law, while citizens explore potentially hazardous alternatives including newspaper and scouring pads.

Read More

Shoot ‘Em in the Commons

House of Commons in chaos as Corbyn’s ‘Zombie Government’ comment results in opposition MP firing shotgun at government benches, shouting ‘shoot ’em in the head!’ Rival parliamentary factions ‘tool up’ as Brexit debate turns violent!

Read More

Ghosts of Brexit

Desperate Theresa May claims Brexit deal rejected by Parliament actually drawn up by ghost of Margaret Thatcher. Prime Minister allegedly possessed by spirit of predecessor determined to pursue her Euroceptic agenda from beyond the grave. Cynical attempt to avert blame for humiliating defeat or inspired attempt to rally right-wing support for deal by accediting it to conservative icon?

Read More

Tory Tough Guy

Public amazement as Home Secretary takes tough line on immigration by personally attacking rubber dinghy and hurling illegal occupants back into sea. New policy initiative or cynical political posturing as Sajid Javid positions himself as Tory tough guy in race to succeed Theresa May?

Read More

Happy Brexmas!

Top Brexiteer switches sides following visitations from three ghosts with visions of Brexit past, present and future. Spectre of a far from Happy Brexmas with Santa being denied free movement to deliver presents, leads to cabinet minister embracing second referendum and ‘No Brexit at All’.

Read More

Inside the Brexit Bunker

Meet the ‘Brexit Preppers’ as they prepare their ‘Brexit Bunkers’ for the chaos they believe will follow a ‘No Deal’ Brexit. Top ‘Prepper’ tells of how tinned food, medicines, even illegal drugs, European porn and prostitutes are being hoarded in preparation for Brexit. Reveals that he is prepared to defend his bunker by force, if necessary.

Read More

Black Face Friday

Government proposes replacing ‘Black Friday’ with ‘Black Face Friday’, where you can only ‘bag a bargain’ if your face is covered in boot polish . Supporters believe ‘Black Face Friday’ would better address British traditions of intolerance, bigotry and casual racism than US import ‘Black Friday’.

Read More

Terror of the Sexes

Are feminist extremists out to demonise all single men as potential rapists? Tory politician makes extraordinary claim that men being forced to go gay or transgender in order to avoid anti-male persecution. Alleges that militant feminists plotting to have men treated like terror suspects.

Read More

Universal Hate

Government announces introduction of new ‘Universal Hate’ policy, under which all existing forms of hate crime, regardless of whether it is racial, religious or gender based, will be amalgamated into one single type of hate. Ministers hope new system will simplify process of hate crime for perpetrators, victims and police.

Read More

Hard Remain

Anti Brexit group proposes ‘Hard Remain’as alternative to ‘Hard Brexit’. In event of winning second referendum, Remain Forever movement will demand UK join Eurozone, Schengen Area and open borders to mass immigration. Also claims UK must pay more for privilege of EU membership.

Read More

Never Say Novichok Again

Is latest Novichok attack further evidence that UK government being held to ransom by international crime syndicate? Or is Boris Johnson the criminal ‘mastermind’ behind plot to blackmail Prime Minister into implementing ‘Hard Brexit’?

Read More

Right and Wrong

Top academic blasts ‘right wing cry babies’ for over sensitivity to issues such as race, gender and equality. Argues the ‘right and wrong’ need to grow up and stop whining on social media about ‘unfairness’ of having their privilege threatened by minorities.

Read More

Hostile Environment

Did government outsource ‘Hostile Environment policy for illegal immigrants to extreme right wing groups? Allegations that neo-Nazis employed by Home Office to intimidate alleged illegals with burning crosses and racist attacks.

Read More

From Russia, With Ineptitude

Russia’s President Putin has condemned those who attempted to assassinate former Russian spy Sergei Skirpal and his daughter, saying that they had been told to make it look like suicide. Claims that policy of out-sourcing assassinations in post-communist Russia has resulted in embarrassing ineptitude that threatens Russia’s standing in world of political killings.

Read More
Loading
Real Time Web Analytics