Hollywood Stars Declare War on ISIS in Retaliation for Terrorists Continued Failure to Acknowledge their Cultural Significance by Not Attacking Los Angeles. Claim latest Attacks in Paris Have Caused Extreme Trauma to their Egos.
British Tabloid Axes Topless Page Three Girls in Face of Competition From Free Online Porn. Admits There Are Insufficient Numbers of Technologically Illiterate Perverts to Justify Continuation of Fixture.
Taxing Times as Britain’s Celebrities Strike Back Against Oppressive ‘Mansion Tax’. Celebrity Riots and Strike Action Predicted as Rich and Famous March in Protest at Threats to their Wealth and Privilege!
Panic at X Factor as Producers Hold Seances to Try and Contact Simon Cowell after Judge Vanishes Following Exorcism at His Mansion! Has Supercilious Pop Impresario Been Exorcised by Mistake, or Kidnapped by Evil Spirits?
Plans Drawn up for Swiss Celebrity Euthanasia Clinics Following Rejection of Calls for Cull of Micro-Celebrities Created by TV Reality and Talent Shows! Fears that Growing Numbers of Z-Listers Will Overwhelm UK’s Delicate Celebrity Ecosystem!
Did Rolf Harris Sexually Harass The Queen During Portrait Sitting? Did Jimmy Savile Have ‘Rape Robot’ Constructed to Remotely Molest Victims? More Shocking Revelations About Britain’s Top Two Sex Offenders!