Following the revelation that a key sequence had actually been shot in a zoo rather than the Arctic, the credibility of the BBC’s recent wildlife series Frozen Planet, fronted by Sir David Attenborough, has been further undermined by sensational allegations that, in reality, none of the...

“I suppose that some people might classify it as necrophilia, but no actual corporeal body is involved,” declares controversial medium Henry Wagstaffe, commenting on the new craze sweeping the occult scene – sex with ghosts. “Whilst the spirit form these occultists are having sex with...

“It wasn’t me in that park – it was clearly my evil doppelganger,” Cabinet Officer Minister Oliver Letwin has claimed in response to a tabloid newspaper’s allegations that he had been caught taking a dump in a public park. “I don’t know who he is, or where he’s come from, but...

Police believe that a man found dead on a busy traffic roundabout in West London earlier this week might have been there for weeks, or even months. “Whilst the unfortunate individual had only been dead for a matter of hours when he was found, we believe that he had been living on the...

Top mad scientist chef Heston Blumenthal was forced to flee his restaurant – The Fat Duck – in the picturesque village of Bray last week, after it was stormed by a mob of angry villagers. “It was past midnight when they came marching down the street, waving toasting forks and...

“There was no escaping the infernal beat of their voodoo drums,” declares Bristol pensioner Ernest Crapps. “All night long they carried on with this frenzied rhythm – it was like they were just outside my windows! I was driven to the brink of madness!” Crapps...

“When I first heard rumours that the US Army had spent millions of dollars paying guys to sit in a shed at Fort Bragg, staring at pornography, I was inclined to dismiss it as another urban myth,” says investigative journalist Ronnie Johnson at the premiere of his new documentary,...

“It was like the climax of Quatermass and the Pit! People were running around attacking anybody who wasn’t shopping, whilst a huge image of Santa Claus shimmered over the shopping centre bellowing ‘Ho, ho, ho’!” exclaims Ned Hobwalt, who claims to have witnessed...

Top conspiracy theorist Bob Dipstick is sensationally claiming that recent health scares, including swine flu and bird flu, and natural disasters such as the flooding in Cumbria, have been faked by the government. Writing in the latest issue of My Conspiracy Monthly, he alleges that the...

“It’s an outrage, it seems that these people can just trespass on my land, let their livestock wreck my grounds, allow their children and dogs run wild, and yet when I try to protect my property, apparently I am the one being unreasonable,” declares an angry Baron...

“This scaly humanoid figure suddenly leaped out from behind some sand dunes and lunged at us! We were well terrified and legged it off the beach –but it came after us,” says seventeen year old Skegness resident Angie Mallet, describing how a late night teen beach party last...

In their haste to report on Colonel Gaddafi’s denunciation of the existing global political order, and his calls for Blair and Bush to be tried as war criminals, most journalists and political commentators overlooked the most startling part of his recent two hour address to the United...

Has a decade old mystery finally been solved? The world of ufology has been wracked by controversy following convicted sex offender Joel Gamby’s claim that he had been behind the notorious ‘Downy Bit Spaceman’, a silver-clad alien visitor that, more than ten years ago, had...

Amid newspaper claims that a party of Boy Scouts on a camping trip in Wales had been attacked and eaten by a pack of hyenas, a top cryptozoologist has sensationally claimed that there is a government conspiracy to cover up the fact that Britain is becoming overrun with alien wild animals,...

“The savage bastards subjected me to the most horrendous ordeals. The worst was when they strung me up my wrists from a tree and tied a plastic shopping bag to my scrotum to see how many cans of Tennent’s lager I could endure being put in it,” recalls thirty-four year old...

“He awoke in the night to feel his member being gently rubbed, still drowsy, he assumed he was merely sleep wanking, until, with a start, he realised that both of his hands were above the bedclothes! The shocked fellow immediately threw back the sheets to reveal nothing but his erect...

Many commentators have expressed surprise that amongst the police officers, soldiers, teachers and local government officers recently ‘outed’ as right wing extremists by the online publication of the British National Party’s (BNP) membership list, was the owner of a gay club...

“If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. That’s what I thought. So I decided to dress up and terrorise all those little bastards who try and do it to me every bloody Halloween,” explains Barry Arboghast, who caused widespread panic in Eastleigh this Halloween by...

“Learn to live in peace, or prepare to be put across our knees and given a bloody good thrashing!” According to one of Britain’s top astronomers, this is the chilling warning that aliens have given world leaders. Dr Ryan Arselander claims that the ultimatum was given at a...

Whilst civil liberties groups have bemoaned the advent of ‘surveillance Britain’, with CCTV cameras seemingly appearing on every street corner, at least one man has welcomed their spread. “It’s bloody marvellous, I can’t get enough of them,” declares...

Just how do those apparently ageless Hollywood stars, such as Robert Wagner, Kim Basinger and William Shatner, keep their amazingly youthful good looks? Whilst many claim that it is simply down to healthy eating and regular exercise, and some will admit to cosmetic surgery, there is a long...

“You can always tell the impostors – they have no nipples or genitalia, just smooth pink plastic,” explains Benny Logstad from his cell in the psychiatric wing of a Nebraska prison. “They try to fool us by sewing fake nipples into their bras, or sticking socks into...

Last October’s FBI raid on top magician David Copperfield’s Las Vegas warehouse – during which ‘certain items’ were seized – has raised fears that the world’s terrorists may have gained access to what are being dubbed ‘weapons of magical...

“I don’t know whether it was the neighbours’ Christmas lights or their inflatable Santas which finally pushed him over the edge, but something just snapped and the next thing I knew he’d set up that display on the front lawn,” sobs Christina Tozzer, as she recalls...

The recording of an episode of the Jeremy Kyle Show entitled ‘I Sleep With Dead People’, was thrown into chaos yesterday as a supernatural spouse terrorised the audience by hurling furniture, sound equipment and TV cameras around the studios. Screaming spectators fled exploding...

Residents of a quiet cul-de-sac in Reading are claiming that they have been subjected to reign of ‘psychic terror’ by a neighbour. “Our lives have been absolute hell since that bloody Uri Gellar moved into Number Fourteen,” says forty seven year old Vick Nobber,...

“I just thought they were the usual little bastards trick-or-treating, but when I told them to bugger off, the one dressed in Islamic gear shouted ‘Trick!’ and exploded,” says Luton householder Greg Frigger from his hospital bed, where he is being treated for third...

Do a series of erotic crop circles hold the key to curing such common medical problems as erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation? Why are technologically advanced aliens travelling light years across the galaxy simply to wank off an old age pensioner on Britain’s south coast? ...