Author: docsleaze

Being Nobody

Everybody wants to be somebody on the web nowadays, whether they offer something special or not. Doc Sleaze considers whether this is a microcosm of wider society in the light of our current crop of egotistical, media hungry politicians. From online content creators to would be dictators – wouldn’t we all be happier if we just learned to accept that, in reality, we are nobody at all?

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Forbidden Fantasies?

Is the government planning to monitor heterosexual men’s sexual fantasies for illegal acts? Are you about to face prosecution for school uniform fantasies? Extraordinary claims of top British influencer who also complains that modern masculinity being undermined as men can no longer be sure that the models they see on porn sites are really women, not just transsexuals or transvestites who will ruin their sexual daydreams.

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The Right To Be Eaten?

Do animals actually like being eaten by humans? Uproar as top TV naturalist claims animals see humans as deities requiring blood sacrifices, so willingly go to the slaughterhouse. Condemns vegans and vegetarians for attempting to deny animals their right to be eaten by a superior species, asserts that meat-eating is the source of all human intelligence and civilisation.

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The Immigrants in the Closet

Is the Labour government planning to house asylum seekers and immigrants arriving on small boats in our garden sheds and closets? Do human rights laws mean we can’t stop them from eating our pets and performing human sacrifices because they are part of their culture and therefore protected? Bizarre claims of Reform MP strike chord with many supporters as his meteoric rise in popularity has Nigel Farage fearing for his job!

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The Epstein That Never Was

Was Jeffrey Epstein merely a media construct created by the left to try and discredit Trump? As picture emerges of Trump apparently jumping out of a cake at Epstein birthday party, president’s supporters go into full denial mode, declaring that there was no Epstein, therefore no list and no Epstein island. But will shouting ‘fake news’ placate Trump’s followers?

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The Great Articial Intelligence Swindle

Is AI all a scam? Whistle blower blows lid off of AI industry as he reveals it is really just thousands of low paid workers in ‘digital sweat shops’ using conventional web searches to provide users with responses. Except for Grok, which is really just Elon Musk responding to queries. Tech experts dismiss claims that industry giants might be exploiting overseas workers with poor pay and conditions, branding them ‘ridiculous’.

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A Unified Conspiracy Theory?

Top conspiracy theorist proposes ‘Unified Conspiracy Theory’ which will incorporate and reconcile all other conspiracy theories, explaining them all. Welcomed in some conspiracy circles as way of regulating the conspiracy community and reducing occurrences of ‘rogue’ conspiracies that bring whole community into disrepute, but condemned by others who suspect it is itself an authoritarian conspiracy designed to control the conspiracy narrative and suppress the truth.

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British Crimes for British Criminals

British press left aghast by idea that horrendous crime not committed by a Muslim immigrant, but instead by middle class, white, British ex-serviceman. We ask, is UK’s right-wing press incapable of viewing crime and criminals through anything other than the lens of class and race? Should British crimes be reserved for British criminals only?

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Thoroughly Modern Messiah

Has the Second Coming finally arrived? ‘Transactional Jesus’ announces arrival via popular podcast, performs miracles for cash and heals on health insurance. Claims he is bound to follow prevailing trends of modern society and needs to finance his church. New Messiah courts controversy with sponsorship deals including endorsing new crypto currency as Trump tries to take credit for Second Coming occurring in US.

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Fear and Loathing at the Meat Counter

Customers report increasing number of bizarre attacks while shopping at supermarkets. Many claim to have been pursued by fruit and vegetable wielding mobs or been beaten with prime cuts of meat. Are these incidents the result of secret government mind control experiments or are they being orchestrated by sinister consumer cult out to make human sacrifices to ensure better bargains?

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Lions on the Streets?

Circus overcomes performing animal ban by employing men in animal suits to perform dangerous acts. Panic ensues in quiet English town as fake lions mistaken for real thing by gun-toting pub landlord and local RSPCA inundated with calls from locals outraged by sight of gorillas apparently fighting bears, elephants on tightropes and knife-throwing monkeys.

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Sex Lives of the Saints

New book investigating alleged sex lives of top saints draws religious ire. Is it cheap and possibly blasphemous sensationalism or a serious study of the humanity behind the divine? Author claims book makes religious figures more approachable by allowing average people to identify with holy icons who experience normal sexual urges and temptations, while top bishops claim he is trying to undermine the magnificent mystery of the faith.

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The Hanging Tree

Should the men found guilty illegally felling ‘Sycamore Gap Tree’ be hanged from scaffold constructed from its timbers? Is the wave of hate and calls for extreme punishment directed toward them result of media inspired campaign to stoke up right-wing reactionaries? Or are a secret society of tree-worshipping druids out for revenge behind it all? Are druids conspiring to ritually sacrifice culprits by fire?

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Expelled From Paradise

Woman returns from grave claiming to have been evicted from hereafter for anti-social behaviour. Cleric claims she has been resurrected in rejuvenated form in order to have chance of redeeming herself again on earth. Reluctant son-in-law forced to take her in as her assets already bequeathed to beneficiaries of will, fears he and future generations of family will be stuck with the unrepentant sinner indefinitely.

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Democracy Misunderstood

Why does the right find it so difficult to grasp the fundamentals of democracy? Why do they find it so difficult to understand that coalition governments that represent the majority of voters are perfectly legitimate, even when they exclude the largest single party? Have we lost sight of the concept of government by consensus of the majority?

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Hell on Fleet Street

Top British tabloid editor vents frustrations at not being able to fully embrace Trump and his anti-immigration, cost-cutting and anti civil rights policies due to US president’s unpopularity in UK. Claims Fleet Street’s right-wing press ‘in Hell’ as they also feel obliged to attack right-wing Labour government for implementing anti-immigration, anti-benefits agenda and anti-public spending agenda they previously endorsed.

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