Are you scared yet? You should be, according to the UK’s media. If you don’t freeze to death in the blizzards they predict, then you’ll be murdered in your beds by immigrants, nuked by Putin or attacked by household appliances powered by Chinese technology! But don’t worry, you can be perfectly safe if only you’d vote Tory….
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Are modern nativity plays too woke? Top conservative columnist complains of too much ‘inclusiveness’ including shepherds played by little girls, Chinese wise men and grifting pregnant refugees. Is Christmas itself, with its socialist calls for ‘goodwill to all men’ and ‘peace on earth’, being hijacked by the ‘wokerati’?
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Top PR guru outlines how recently deposed Syrian dictator Bashar al Assad can be rehabilitated and returned to ranks of international elite. Are charitable causes – especially for sick children – key to reputation recovery? Is it true that any monster can be rehabilitated, regardless of their crimes and misbehaviour, simply by re-casting themselves as the victim?
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Is it ‘Ready, Steady, Cock’ as top BBC food presenter Gregg Wallace stands accused of sexual misconduct? Lurid new claims of Wallace painting genitals green and pretending they were vegetables during time as greengrocer spark fears that media being flooded with ludicrous fake allegations as part of campaign to discredit original accusations.
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Will Church of England run talent contest to select new Archbishop of Canterbury? Could new Archbishop come from outside denomination? Claims that candidate ‘auditions’ so far have included Voodoo witch doctors sacrificing chickens at evensong and Satanists practicing Black Mass, orgies and buggery at Sunday service.
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Do CIA and FBI have contingency plans to assassinate Trump if he goes full on fascist in his second term? Journalist claims plans to ensure ‘Fat Boy Has Fallen’ via exploding women, poisonous golden showers and deadly burgers in place. But with Trump cabinet packed with extremist cranks, will taking out just Trump be enough to avert fascist dystopia?
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Is techno-jerk-in-chief Elon Musk planning to inseminate Mars with his phallic rockets loaded with his own seed in hope of creating super race? Top tech figures claim the Trump-ass-kisser extraordinaire’s human intimacy problems also driving him to develop sex robot for remote sex with earth women in order to propagate his ‘superior’ DNA.
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As Britain’s media falls over itself to rehabilitate disgraced Tory PM Boris Johnson, we ask why they aren’t pursuing recently deceased former SNP leader Alex Salmond for accepting gifts posthumously? As press pursue Keir Starmer over attendance at Taylor Swift concert, Salmond’s body being flown back to UK on millionaire’s private jet goes unremarked…
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Paranormal Investigator, Exorcist and Agony Aunt The Reverend Leonard Fanny advises readers on their supernatural problems. This time he looks into a case of ‘Possession by Download’. Has a laptop become possessed by porn obsessed spirit inadvertently downloaded like a computer virus – a sort of ‘evil-ware’? The Rev investigates.
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Does ‘two tier’ justice exist in UK? Are British courts handing down too lenient sentences for supposedly mentally ill offenders and those from minorities? Friends and relatives of victims demand to have say in sentencing of criminals – call for an ‘eye for an eye’, ‘stabbing for a stabbing’ and ‘bum rape for a rape’. Justice or just violent retribution?
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Top psychotherapist expresses fears for mental health of two former Tory Prime Ministers in light of Boris Johnson’s bizarre memoirs and Liz Truss’ claims of persecution by ‘transgender Mafia’. Former aides blast Johnson’s unreliable memoirs for inaccuracy, claiming he wanted to send SAS to raid Netherlands for weed and prostitutes, not vaccines.
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Should mad doctors and their dangerous experimental procedures be available on the NHS? Health chiefs accused of clinical insanity for forcing patients to go private for treatments including penis transplants, full fur grafts and radioactive blood transfusions as private clinic providing such procedures accused of being front for Nazi human experiments.
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Did President Biden die in office before being resurrected as a zombie by Voodoo High Priestess Kamala Harris? Latest bizarre claims from Trump camp as campaign strategists claim Haitian immigrants are using Voodoo rites to raise army of the living dead which they will unleash against white Americans!
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Does pornography pose an existential threat to the US? Clergyman calls on Trump campaign to commit to banning porn. claiming young Americans spend too much time masturbating over porn, resulting in falling birth rates. Fears that immigrants are out-producing Americans in baby stakes, raising spectre of Americans becoming minority in own country.
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As the right-wing press tries to rewrite current events before our very eyes, in order to evade their own culpability for recent political violence, the Doc ventures into ‘The Editing Suite of History’ to look at how the establishment have rewritten and re-edited history to their advantage…
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Paranormal Investigator, Exorcist and Agony Aunt The Reverend Leonard Fanny advises readers on their supernatural problems. This time he looks at the strange case of ‘The Curse of the Insatiable Sex Fiend’. Is a husband’s sudden infidelity with multiple women the result of contact with a cursed mummified penis? The Rev investigates.
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