Trump stuns allies with plans to redevelop post-war Ukraine into ‘Riviera of the Black Sea’. Ukrainian population to be relocated to annexed Canada as Trump demonstrates ‘Art of the Steal’ in peace negotiations with Putin as he aims to add Ukraine to Gaza in his property portfolio.
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Is Elon Musk’s disenchantment with current state of European neo-fascism driving him to create the ‘perfect Nazi’? Warnings that the billionaire plans to create ‘clockwork Nazis’ embodying Aryan ideals of genetic perfection using advanced robotics and AI which will lead new European fascist movement.
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Should all creative activity be handed over to Artificial Intelligence? With writers, actors, directors and other creatives increasingly being ‘outed’ as sex offenders, religious freaks, animal molesters and Nazis, top science fiction writer claims that AI created fiction, films and TV would save fans from emotional trauma of having to constantly cancel their idols.
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Was the burning down of Mel Gibson’s house in California wildfires a case of divine judgement? Was the Almighty trying to tell Mel to walk back the anti-Semitism, misogyny and crazy right wing politics? Conservatives dismiss idea, instead claiming fires more likely a judgment on modern Soddom and Gomorrah that is liberal Hollywood. Either that, or ‘Jewish Space Lasers’ are being used to target industry conservatives.
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Has Elon Musk been inspired to try and become a super villain as a result of his father’s involvement in building Ernst Stavro Blofeld’s space laser in 1971? Is X owner planning to destroy UK government via social media rather than space laser? Is Musk ultimately too limited in his vision to be true super villain?
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UK press accused of being over reliant upon supposed high-level confidential sources rather than investigative journalism after bishop falsely accused of defecating on neighbour’s lawn. Top academic claims most sources actually nosy neighbours and local voyeurs peddling rumour and innuendo. Are facts now obsolete in journalism?
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Are you scared yet? You should be, according to the UK’s media. If you don’t freeze to death in the blizzards they predict, then you’ll be murdered in your beds by immigrants, nuked by Putin or attacked by household appliances powered by Chinese technology! But don’t worry, you can be perfectly safe if only you’d vote Tory….
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Are modern nativity plays too woke? Top conservative columnist complains of too much ‘inclusiveness’ including shepherds played by little girls, Chinese wise men and grifting pregnant refugees. Is Christmas itself, with its socialist calls for ‘goodwill to all men’ and ‘peace on earth’, being hijacked by the ‘wokerati’?
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Top PR guru outlines how recently deposed Syrian dictator Bashar al Assad can be rehabilitated and returned to ranks of international elite. Are charitable causes – especially for sick children – key to reputation recovery? Is it true that any monster can be rehabilitated, regardless of their crimes and misbehaviour, simply by re-casting themselves as the victim?
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Is it ‘Ready, Steady, Cock’ as top BBC food presenter Gregg Wallace stands accused of sexual misconduct? Lurid new claims of Wallace painting genitals green and pretending they were vegetables during time as greengrocer spark fears that media being flooded with ludicrous fake allegations as part of campaign to discredit original accusations.
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Will Church of England run talent contest to select new Archbishop of Canterbury? Could new Archbishop come from outside denomination? Claims that candidate ‘auditions’ so far have included Voodoo witch doctors sacrificing chickens at evensong and Satanists practicing Black Mass, orgies and buggery at Sunday service.
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Do CIA and FBI have contingency plans to assassinate Trump if he goes full on fascist in his second term? Journalist claims plans to ensure ‘Fat Boy Has Fallen’ via exploding women, poisonous golden showers and deadly burgers in place. But with Trump cabinet packed with extremist cranks, will taking out just Trump be enough to avert fascist dystopia?
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Is techno-jerk-in-chief Elon Musk planning to inseminate Mars with his phallic rockets loaded with his own seed in hope of creating super race? Top tech figures claim the Trump-ass-kisser extraordinaire’s human intimacy problems also driving him to develop sex robot for remote sex with earth women in order to propagate his ‘superior’ DNA.
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As Britain’s media falls over itself to rehabilitate disgraced Tory PM Boris Johnson, we ask why they aren’t pursuing recently deceased former SNP leader Alex Salmond for accepting gifts posthumously? As press pursue Keir Starmer over attendance at Taylor Swift concert, Salmond’s body being flown back to UK on millionaire’s private jet goes unremarked…
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Paranormal Investigator, Exorcist and Agony Aunt The Reverend Leonard Fanny advises readers on their supernatural problems. This time he looks into a case of ‘Possession by Download’. Has a laptop become possessed by porn obsessed spirit inadvertently downloaded like a computer virus – a sort of ‘evil-ware’? The Rev investigates.
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Does ‘two tier’ justice exist in UK? Are British courts handing down too lenient sentences for supposedly mentally ill offenders and those from minorities? Friends and relatives of victims demand to have say in sentencing of criminals – call for an ‘eye for an eye’, ‘stabbing for a stabbing’ and ‘bum rape for a rape’. Justice or just violent retribution?
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