Will Church of England run talent contest to select new Archbishop of Canterbury? Could new Archbishop come from outside denomination? Claims that candidate ‘auditions’ so far have included Voodoo witch doctors sacrificing chickens at evensong and Satanists practicing Black Mass, orgies and buggery at Sunday service.
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Do CIA and FBI have contingency plans to assassinate Trump if he goes full on fascist in his second term? Journalist claims plans to ensure ‘Fat Boy Has Fallen’ via exploding women, poisonous golden showers and deadly burgers in place. But with Trump cabinet packed with extremist cranks, will taking out just Trump be enough to avert fascist dystopia?
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Is techno-jerk-in-chief Elon Musk planning to inseminate Mars with his phallic rockets loaded with his own seed in hope of creating super race? Top tech figures claim the Trump-ass-kisser extraordinaire’s human intimacy problems also driving him to develop sex robot for remote sex with earth women in order to propagate his ‘superior’ DNA.
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As Britain’s media falls over itself to rehabilitate disgraced Tory PM Boris Johnson, we ask why they aren’t pursuing recently deceased former SNP leader Alex Salmond for accepting gifts posthumously? As press pursue Keir Starmer over attendance at Taylor Swift concert, Salmond’s body being flown back to UK on millionaire’s private jet goes unremarked…
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Paranormal Investigator, Exorcist and Agony Aunt The Reverend Leonard Fanny advises readers on their supernatural problems. This time he looks into a case of ‘Possession by Download’. Has a laptop become possessed by porn obsessed spirit inadvertently downloaded like a computer virus – a sort of ‘evil-ware’? The Rev investigates.
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Does ‘two tier’ justice exist in UK? Are British courts handing down too lenient sentences for supposedly mentally ill offenders and those from minorities? Friends and relatives of victims demand to have say in sentencing of criminals – call for an ‘eye for an eye’, ‘stabbing for a stabbing’ and ‘bum rape for a rape’. Justice or just violent retribution?
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Top psychotherapist expresses fears for mental health of two former Tory Prime Ministers in light of Boris Johnson’s bizarre memoirs and Liz Truss’ claims of persecution by ‘transgender Mafia’. Former aides blast Johnson’s unreliable memoirs for inaccuracy, claiming he wanted to send SAS to raid Netherlands for weed and prostitutes, not vaccines.
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Should mad doctors and their dangerous experimental procedures be available on the NHS? Health chiefs accused of clinical insanity for forcing patients to go private for treatments including penis transplants, full fur grafts and radioactive blood transfusions as private clinic providing such procedures accused of being front for Nazi human experiments.
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Did President Biden die in office before being resurrected as a zombie by Voodoo High Priestess Kamala Harris? Latest bizarre claims from Trump camp as campaign strategists claim Haitian immigrants are using Voodoo rites to raise army of the living dead which they will unleash against white Americans!
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Does pornography pose an existential threat to the US? Clergyman calls on Trump campaign to commit to banning porn. claiming young Americans spend too much time masturbating over porn, resulting in falling birth rates. Fears that immigrants are out-producing Americans in baby stakes, raising spectre of Americans becoming minority in own country.
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As the right-wing press tries to rewrite current events before our very eyes, in order to evade their own culpability for recent political violence, the Doc ventures into ‘The Editing Suite of History’ to look at how the establishment have rewritten and re-edited history to their advantage…
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Paranormal Investigator, Exorcist and Agony Aunt The Reverend Leonard Fanny advises readers on their supernatural problems. This time he looks at the strange case of ‘The Curse of the Insatiable Sex Fiend’. Is a husband’s sudden infidelity with multiple women the result of contact with a cursed mummified penis? The Rev investigates.
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Top British Fascist dismisses far right rioters as ‘slobs’, blaming their failure on lack of discipline and dress sense. Slams rioters for betraying true fascist tradition of being best dressed and coiffured extremists. Infamous Nazi war criminal agrees, arguing if you claim to be ‘Master Race’, you must look and dress like a ‘Master Race’, not a drunken rabble.
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Are UK’s far right riots down to an outbreak of extreme idiocy? Top academic opines that country currently has surfeit of idiots susceptible to unattributed right-wing propaganda and racist rhetoric from public figures seeking to ferment unrest. Rioters claim that violence actually provoked by ‘woke’ police preventing them from burning down mosques.
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What lies behind series of attacks on fishermen by mutated fish? As woman swimmer has bottom slapped by aquatic sex maniac’s tail and angler sexually assaulted by giant man-fish, marine biologist speculates that hormones in sewage spilled into sea could be behind creation of sex-obsessed mutant fish.
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Fugitive ex-Marine claims Trump assassination attempt faked – alleges that he shot Trump months ago, but both targets were actually inflatable decoys! Other conspiracy theorists assert that whole thing pre-recorded in film studio – like the fake moon landings – with crisis actors. Question remains – if only fake Trump targeted, where is the real Trump?
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