Child’s Play

Viewers of the BBC’s annual Children in Need telethon were left shocked after witnessing the campaign’s mascot, Pudsey the bear, sexually molesting a local TV weather girl, before being punched out by his victim. “I couldn’t believe what I was seeing – one minute Pudsey was behind Lola Pertwell as she read out the current total amount of money pledged locally, waving innocently at the kids, next thing he was fondling her bottom,” says Bob Cringer, who was attending the BBC Wessex’s regional live fundraiser at the Blandford Forum Museum of Modern Cheese with his three young children. “She obviously thought it was her co-presenter, Wessex Today anchor Roger Tackle, as she span round and slapped him. But at the same moment Pudsey took the opportunity to grope her breasts! She was furious and laid him out with a single punch!” Chaos reigned for several minutes, as the popular weather forecaster proceeded to administer a good kicking to the prone bear, before smashing a huge cheddar cheese over his head. “She was using the most foul language as she laid into him,” says Cringer. “Of course, all the while the kids in the audience were screaming and crying! They were even more upset when police and security guards finally arrived and dragged Pudsey off in handcuffs!” Unfortunately, the incident occurred just as veteran Children in Need presenter Terry Wogan linked to the BBC Wessex broadcast from BBC Centre in London, resulting in millions of viewers witnessing the debacle. “It’s a public relations disaster for us,” claimed a BBC spokesperson. “We may have to drop Pudsey from next year’s appeal altogether. I mean, we can’t have a bloody sex offender fronting a children’s charity campaign, can we?” Arrested by Dorset Constabulary, ‘Pudsey’ was subsequently identified as unemployed children’s entertainer Bobby Wexler, who had overpowered the bear costume’s rightful occupant – a local actor – and left them bound and gagged behind a giant slice of Stilton in the museum’s blue cheese gallery. “It seems that Mr Wexler has a history of sexual fixations involving popular children’s characters,” a police spokesperson told the press. “Earlier this year he was banned for life from Weymouth’s sea front after presenting a sexually explicit version of ‘Punch and Judy’ to children there.” Indeed, according to witnesses, instead of simply beating his wife, in Wexler’s version Mr Punch indulged in a lengthy bondage session which involved the unfortunate Judy being chained up and whipped. “What he did with his truncheon was unspeakable”, one unfortunate mother who saw the show with her children told a local newspaper. Even six months after the event, she remains too traumatised to describe the scenes involving Mr Punch’s dog and a crocodile.

Investigations have revealed that, after attending drama school Wexler secured a his first acting job with Thames Television. To his delight he was hired to portray Bungle the Bear in Rainbow for two weeks whilst the regular actor was on holiday. Whilst his on screen performance remained restrained, his contract was terminated after his extracurricular activities came to light. One evening, after filming had been wrapped up for the day, Wexler took two prostitutes back to the studio, insisting that they dress as Zippy and George. He than donned his Bungle costume and proceeded to indulge in a series of sex romps with them on the Rainbow set. Unfortunately they were disturbed by a security guard, who was shocked to find pink hippo George being taken from behind by Bungle the Bear, whilst Zippy performed a ‘golden shower’ over them both. Despite this setback to his career, Wexler succeeded in landing a new job – this time he was to don the famous Mr Blobby outfit on Noel’s House Party. Once again, he could not resist using the costume to indulge his depraved sexual fantasies, although this time he kept them out of the studio. According to his then girlfriend, Suzy Merkin, Wexler would wear the pink and yellow costume in the bedroom, regularly chasing her around the bed shouting “Blobby, blobby blobby!”, before jumping on her. “He couldn’t seem to get an erection unless he was pretending to be some kid’s TV character”, she recalls. “It was bizarre. Personally, I found it very difficult to perform properly with a man wearing a pink and yellow spotted rubber suit, but he just wouldn’t take it off. I’m amazed the BBC costume department never found the hole he cut in the crotch for his knob to stick through!” Disaster struck for Wexler when, after an argument with Merkin, he went on a drinking spree before a live broadcast of the House Party. Whilst his drunken gait and constant falling over during the programme could be mistaken as a normal performance for Mr Blobby, he overstepped the mark when he groped guest star Carol Vordeman’s breasts during the closing credits. In response Vorderman kneed him in the groin and the programme ended with the sight of Mr Blobby rolling around on the studio floor clutching his testicles and screaming “Oooh my bollocks – you’ve knackered them you bitch!” Needless to say, he was sacked.

Wexler consequently eked out a living playing bit parts in pantomimes. Still, his bizarre erotic fixations managed to threaten his career prospects. During a 1995 production of Jack and the Beanstalk in Scunthorpe, star Rod Hull caught Wexler in his dressing room, naked, using Hull’s famous emu puppet to masturbate with whilst he watched the Chuckle Brothers on a portable television. Judy Trimm, who was acting as Hull’s dresser that season, recalls that the popular children’s entertainer was furious. “He punched Bobby in the face”, she told us. “Unfortunately he was too late as Bobby had already ejaculated all over Emu’s face and neck. It was pretty disgusting – we had to put him through the wash three times to remove the stains.” Following this debacle, Wexler realised that finding work in the entertainment would be difficult. Consequently, he obtained a false identity and references and managed to land a job with the BBC again, this time playing a Tellytubby. As before, he quickly took to borrowing the costume for his sex games. Suzy Merkin described how he liked to play explicit porn videos on the TV in the Tellytubby costume whilst he wore it during sex. “That was the final straw,” she says. “The health risk from that TV playing whilst he bounced up and down on me was just too great – I told him to get treatment”. A scandal erupted when it was discovered that Wexler’s tummy TV was playing Dutch porn favourite Love Socket during a broadcast episode. Once more Wexler found himself unemployed. Possession of certain photographs involving an ITV executive and a stoat meant that Wexler quickly managed to land a new job, this time as a puppeteer on Sooty and Sweep. Virginia Futz, his girlfriend during this period, related how Wexler would bring the puppets home and wear them whilst fondling her breasts. “His piece de resistance was to get Sooty to wave his wand whilst shouting “Izzy Wizzy let’s get busy!” as his erection popped up. As he came he would squeak in the manner of Sooty rather than groaning”. Wexler managed to keep this job for over a year. However, in October 1998 he was arrested by Police for exposing himself to a group of children on Clapham Common. He had apparently leapt out of bushes with Soo the panda on his erect penis. Following a three month custodial sentence and psychiatric counselling, Wexler started his own business as a children’s entertainer. He is currently back in psychiatric care following the Pudsey bear incident.