Tag: politics

Inside the Brexit Bunker

Meet the ‘Brexit Preppers’ as they prepare their ‘Brexit Bunkers’ for the chaos they believe will follow a ‘No Deal’ Brexit. Top ‘Prepper’ tells of how tinned food, medicines, even illegal drugs, European porn and prostitutes are being hoarded in preparation for Brexit. Reveals that he is prepared to defend his bunker by force, if necessary.

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Black Face Friday

Government proposes replacing ‘Black Friday’ with ‘Black Face Friday’, where you can only ‘bag a bargain’ if your face is covered in boot polish . Supporters believe ‘Black Face Friday’ would better address British traditions of intolerance, bigotry and casual racism than US import ‘Black Friday’.

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Call of the Monstrous

Local council broadcasts mating calls of infamous monsters in hope of attracting them to town. Plans to cash in on international reconstruction funds when town destroyed by rampaging sex mad giant creatures.

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Terror of the Sexes

Are feminist extremists out to demonise all single men as potential rapists? Tory politician makes extraordinary claim that men being forced to go gay or transgender in order to avoid anti-male persecution. Alleges that militant feminists plotting to have men treated like terror suspects.

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The Novichok Experience

City of Salisbury seeks to exploit novichok attacks to rebuild local economy. Local entrepreneurs set up ‘Novichok Tours’ and fake nerve agent attack experiences for tourists. New ‘Novichok’ perfume planned.

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Universal Hate

Government announces introduction of new ‘Universal Hate’ policy, under which all existing forms of hate crime, regardless of whether it is racial, religious or gender based, will be amalgamated into one single type of hate. Ministers hope new system will simplify process of hate crime for perpetrators, victims and police.

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Amazon Crime

Amazon denies allegations of involvement in the recent drone attack on Venezuela’s President Maduro. Conspiracy theorists claims that internet giant offering drone delivery of bombs for terrorists dismissed as ‘ludicrous’ and ‘unfounded’. Existence of ‘Amazon Crime’ division denied.

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Hard Remain

Anti Brexit group proposes ‘Hard Remain’as alternative to ‘Hard Brexit’. In event of winning second referendum, Remain Forever movement will demand UK join Eurozone, Schengen Area and open borders to mass immigration. Also claims UK must pay more for privilege of EU membership.

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Is Meat Murder?

Militant vegans eaten by lions as they shout ‘Meat is Murder’ at big cats. Anti carnivore group affirms ambition to ‘convert’ predatory animals to vegetarianism. RSPCA brands ‘carnivore conversion’ programme ‘animal cruelty’ as allegedly successful subjects die of malnutrition.

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Never Say Novichok Again

Is latest Novichok attack further evidence that UK government being held to ransom by international crime syndicate? Or is Boris Johnson the criminal ‘mastermind’ behind plot to blackmail Prime Minister into implementing ‘Hard Brexit’?

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Right and Wrong

Top academic blasts ‘right wing cry babies’ for over sensitivity to issues such as race, gender and equality. Argues the ‘right and wrong’ need to grow up and stop whining on social media about ‘unfairness’ of having their privilege threatened by minorities.

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Hostile Environment

Did government outsource ‘Hostile Environment policy for illegal immigrants to extreme right wing groups? Allegations that neo-Nazis employed by Home Office to intimidate alleged illegals with burning crosses and racist attacks.

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From Russia, With Ineptitude

Russia’s President Putin has condemned those who attempted to assassinate former Russian spy Sergei Skirpal and his daughter, saying that they had been told to make it look like suicide. Claims that policy of out-sourcing assassinations in post-communist Russia has resulted in embarrassing ineptitude that threatens Russia’s standing in world of political killings.

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Sedating Hate

Was the recent collapse in South Africa of pseudo-celebrity Katie Hopkins part of an underground campaign to silence the reactionary bile of such hate mongers? Secret organisation claims to be ‘sedating hate’ by targeting extremist speakers with blowpipe delivered tranquiliser darts.

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Tea and Terror

Was the Salisbury nerve agent attack which has left a former Russian spy and his daughter fighting for their lives actually a ‘false flag’ attack organised by the local council in an attempt to create publicity for the city? Council insider makes incredible claims as Boris Johnson prepares to penalise Russia for attack by mooning their London embassy.

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Left Handed Guns

Calls for American left to assert Second Amendment rights and arm themselves in order to force through gun control at gun point. Only armed left-wing militias can protect citizens’ Constitutional rights from threat posed by right wing crazies, argue leftist leaders.

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