Deviants Are Forever

Britain risks losing it’s lead in producing world class perverts, a top politician warned this week. Giving evidence to the Parliamentary Select Committee on Sexual Deviance, Tory peer Lord Dowsett – himself a five times convicted sex offender – claimed that increasingly strict censorship in the United States meant that it was creating ideal conditions for the mass production of high-quality deviants. “There can be no doubt that British sexual perversion has been declining in quality since the 1960s – when was the last time we had a truly great sex-offender the nation could be proud of, eh? Nowadays it’s all identikit rapists and internet peadophiles, there’s no innovation at all,” he opined, pointing out that for decades Britain’s perverts were the envy of the world. “In times past, it was the occupation of a gentleman – now any Tom, Dick or Harry can call themselves a pervert!”

Speaking exclusively to The Sleaze, Dowsett laid the blame squarely at the feet of the ‘progressives’ and liberals who have shaped Britain’s social policies since the late 1960s. “They sold us the ‘permissive society’ on the basis that such an ‘anything goes’ environment, where children could be exposed to filth and pornography from an early age, would be a guaranteed breeding ground for sexual deviance,” he claims. “Absolutely the opposite has been true – nowadays young people can get hold of porn from supermarkets, the internet or just by turning on the BBC! Consequently, all their sexual peccadilloes are more than adequately catered for, removing the need for voyeurism, stealing ladies underwear from washing lines or masturbating over pictures of lingerie models in mail order catalogues! Worse still, the rise of internet dating now means that one no longer has to expose oneself in public parks in order to meet members of the opposite sex!” Dowsett believes that the education system is especially to blame for the decline in Britain’s perverts. “The end of corporal punishment in the state sector definitely tolled the death knell for our spanking fetishists – there was nothing like the crack of bamboo against tender young flesh to instil a lifelong love of a good thrashing into young people,” he enthuses. “The public school system is just as bad these days – the whole thing has fallen prey to woolly minded liberalism! In my day a curriculum of cold showers, buggery and thrashings guaranteed that a high level of deviance was maintained amongst the ruling classes! Now it’s all academic standards and examination pass-rates!”

Dowsett’s claims have been supported by senior figures in both the church and military. “There is no doubt that the Roman Catholics are racing ahead of us in the deviant stakes,” opines the Right Reverend Howard Hock, the former Anglican Bishop of Stoke on Trent. “The Church of England is just too damned liberal these days – ordaining women, endorsing homosexual clergy – is it any wonder the Catholics are beating us at choir boy buggerings by a ratio of four to one?” However, Hock is encouraged by the wider Anglican community’s backlash against the Church of England’s liberalism, particularly from the church’s evangelical wing. “With evangelical Christians holding so much sway in the US at the moment, even enjoying the backing of the President himself, I’m confident that there’ll be a ‘domino effect’ here,” he enthuses. “With luck, we’ll soon be seeing a more oppressive set of Christian values installed here, which will roll back this creeping tolerance of evils such as homosexuality, women’s rights and the like! Hopefully, we can then get back to the kind of society where sex outside of marriage is once again a furtive activity for well-off perverts and the only kind of sex aids are very powerful binoculars and dirty raincoats!”

Hock’s sentiments are echoed by retired General Sir Archie Birchington MC, who firmly believes that today’s army simply isn’t up to the task of grooming potential new perverts. “You can’t even shout at new recruits these days, in case it damages their self esteem,” he snorts. “In my day they were stripped naked and forced to simulate anal sex with a Lee-Enfield rifle on their first day as part of basic training! Not only that, but one of a batman’s duties was to wank his officer off every night and give them a good bare-arsed thrashing once a week! It was all essential in order to relieve sexual tension in the regiment whilst posted away from home – the men would all have turned into raging homosexuals otherwise!” Sir Archie believes that this old-style army discipline was also of immense benefit to the civilian sector. “It guaranteed a steady stream of highly trained submissives and twisted sadists for our sex industries.” He declared. “They were the envy of the world as a consequence!”

Dowsett believes there is only one way to avert the looming crisis – by following America’s lead and introducing oppressive social controls, including strict censorship of the media, restrictions on internet use, all forms of contraception by prescription only and the banning of sex education in schools. “The less information on sexual matters young people have, the more their imaginations will be stimulated to come up with new forms of gross indecency,” he says. “Repression is essential. Just look at those European countries with the most liberal social policies and relaxed attitudes to sex – they are completely lacking in decent sex offenders! The Scandinavians are the worst – not a sexual hang-up between them! It’s only in those handful of countries clinging to traditional Roman Catholic values that you can find any deviance of consequence!”

Dowsett fears that the decline in British perverts could spell disaster for a significant section of our economy. “Job losses could run into thousands if more sexual deviants are not produced in the UK – the entire rubber fetish industry could collapse overnight, not to mention the dominatrix and chastisement sector! And let’s not forget raincoat manufacturers,” he laments. “Cane manufacturing is already running down, with several factories forced to close in the Midlands. Specialist film makers and exhibitors are also feeling the pinch – we’ve already lost the ‘Spank-o-Rama’ from Soho! If we’re not careful we’ll end up with a porn industry like Europe’s – all glossy soft-focus copulation with pretensions to art and aimed at the mass market!” Dowsett regrets the passing of the great days of British perversion. “When I was young a gentleman could go out for a stroll in the morning, expose himself to a few ladies before lunch, then bugger a couple of grammar school oiks in the afternoon. Come four o’clock you could pick up some young waitress from the Lyons Tea Room, take her to an hotel room, tie her up and give her a good spanking, before rounding off the day up a tree with your opera glasses, watching some lady undressing in her bedroom, whilst masturbating over a pair of your old nanny’s bloomers,” he sighs. “Those were the days – women and the working classes never complained about it either; they just accepted it all as part of the natural order of things!”