The Joy of X Sex

The tech community was shocked this week by the emergence of video footage apparently showing a furious Elon Musk smashing up some his own new high tech cyber suits with a hammer. Although at first dismissed as an AI generated fake, the video has subsequently been confirmed as genuine. It was only a few months ago that the tech billionaire unveiled the new cyber suits, a kind of advanced exoskeleton to be worn by users, hailing them as a quantum leap forward in human evolution. He promised that the shiny metal suits would make their wearers into unstoppable sex machines.  Except that this would be technologically advanced sex.  Techno sex, or, as Musk himself put it, seX. “This will render regular physical sex obsolete,” he promised at the launch. “Once you’ve tried seX you’ll never want to go back to that messy, so called natural, alternative!” According to Musk, each exoskeleton would have, instead of genitalia, docking ports where they could literally ‘couple up’, with the real genitalia beneath being artificially stimulated by the suits to the point of orgasm.  The system could guarantee, for instance, that both participants could climax simultaneously, while, via those brain implants, both parties would have the option of experiencing it all from either or both perspectives. Both ‘male’ and ‘female’ versions would be available, with the ‘male’ featuring a telescopic (and sizeable) ‘probe’ which will shoot out and ‘dock’ with a matching socket in the groin area of the ‘female’ suit in order to have mind-blowing cyber-sex.

“He was promising that this new cyber sex would be the equivalent of some kind of orgasm-fuelled hallucinogenic trip – an experience which would have the participants mentally surfing waves of pure ecstasy for hours at a time,” recalls tech journalist Harry Hocklund. “The rub was that, initially at least, these suits would be so expensive that only the super-rich would be able to afford them, although Musk boasted that within a few years he’d be able to reduce the costs and have cheaper models being turned out by the thousand from the Tesla factory. Of course, these cheaper models for the mass market wouldn’t be as fully featured, with the strength of their orgasm amplifiers turned down, for instance.” Hocklund harbours deep suspicions as to Musk’s motivation for developing the technology, noting that it has dark origins. “According to my sources, Musk was originally developing sex robots with which men like him could have remote sex with women, experiencing the act via a brain implant linked to the sexbot,” he claims. “But it was eventually pointed out to him how creepy this idea was and how poor the optics would be – the press would inevitably characterise it as a ‘rape robot’ which would enable men to enact rape fantasies without fear of consequences, of course, by sending their sexbots out anonymously to have unconsenting sex with random women. So instead, they modified the project to become these cyber suits, with the emphasis being placed on consensual cyber-relations.”

But the journalist believes that even in their latter form, Musk’s cyber sex suits still have an underlying sinister purpose. “In line with Musk’s prior public proclamations on the subjectof gender, it shouldn’t be a surprise that the suits will be strictly gendered, with a ‘male’ version sold exclusively to alpha males,” muses Hocklund. “Personally, I strongly suspect that these suits could be a step toward Musk’s dream of eliminating the whole idea of transgender identities.  Only biological men will be able to obtain the ‘male’ suit and only biological women the ‘female’ suit, so that the only form of sex available will be of the heterosexual variety . Doubtless, Musk’s line will be that this cyber-sex will be so fantastic that nobody will want to do it any other way, so guy-on-girl will be the only game in town.” It won’t just be the transgender community excluded, either, he suspects.  With the ‘male’ exoskeleton having no anus equivalent, gay sex will be out, while there will be no way for ‘female’ suits to couple up, thereby taking care of lesbianism.  “It’s all part of his twisted dream of creating an exclusively heterosexual world,” muses Hocklund. “As far as he is concerned, there can be no non-conformity in sex.”

Hocklund, though, believes that the bonkers billionaire wants to go much further than the ‘normalisation’ of sex to an effective singularity of rigidly enforced heterosexuality. “Ultimately, I’m sure that Musk would see these exoskeletons merely as a step on the path to fully integrating man and machine, with the ultimate goal being human brains transplanted into metal bodies, only able to perform techno-sex,” he opines. “ Which would also eliminate the need for reproduction, as these new cyborgs would effectively be immortal, able to enjoy eternity as one long orgy of technologically enhanced sex.” For Musk, the writer contends, such a development would be the culmination of a long-standing dream: to completely remove humanity from the human race. “While the cyber sex suits represent his apparent desire to take physical intimacy and human interaction out of sex, turning us all into cyborgs would mean that he could finally feel at home with his fellow humans,” he says. “It’s abundantly clear that he has absolutely no idea how to relate to other people on the normal emotional plane. Only by reducing human interaction to coded data exchanges can he hope to integrate himself into the human race.”

But clearly, something has gone drastically wrong with Musk’s dream, as witnessed by his frenzied destruction of his own robotic suits. “It seems that someone already found a way to modify the devices to make same sex cyber relations possible,” reveals Hocklund. “By swapping around those genital units, so that people could effectively change sex, by making a ‘male’ suit ‘female’ and vice versa, a form of techno gender reassignment has been achieved through radical ‘modding’.” To add insult to injury, the perpetrators of this pioneering hack – a pair of transgender robotic engineers – videoed themselves in the suits, getting it on in a transgender lesbian cyber sex liaison and posted it on Twitter. “Naturally, Musk was apoplectic, having the video suppressed before ordering the offending suits located via their inbuilt tracking software, repossessed and brought to him for personal destruction,” says the journalist. “But with the release of that video of him running around smashing up those modified suits with a hammer, it has all backfired. Not only has he, once again, become a figure of ridicule, but the fact that you can modify these suits is now out there, such knowledge threatening to derail his plans completely.”