Sexual Benefits

“It’s great to know that I’m bumming for Britain as I slip one of these boys one from behind,” declares a well-dressed punter, as drops his trousers and prepares to mount a young rent-boy he has bent across a table in a shabby hotel room in London’s King’s Cross. “It makes the whole process seem somehow less sordid and exploitative – I can go home to my unsuspecting wife without being consumed with guilt.” The punter – who wishes to remain anonymous, but admits to working in the City – has agreed to speak to The Sleaze about the coalition government’s latest scheme to get young unemployed people back into work, this time through prostitution. “It’s a good feeling to know that whilst you are mounting some cherubic young rent boy, you are also helping the economy. It really increases the pleasure you get from the sessions, giving you a warm feeling in your heart as well as your loins,” he says, as lubes himself up and spreads the rent-boy’s buttocks. “Most gratifying of all, you don’t have it on your conscience that you are just using some poor unfortunate for your own gratification. No, by taking him up the jacksie, you are actually helping him get back on his feet and regain his self-respect! I daresay the thought of fellating someone like me gives him something to get up for every morning!” Despite the enthusiasm of this and many other punters for the scheme, it has encountered much criticism from opponents.

“This is the most blatant form of exploitation this Tory-led government has yet devised,” says Labour’s junior employment spokesperson, Jason Prodwell. “Quite how being buggered, groped and molested by wealthy and overprivileged sexual predators helps young working class people into employment is beyond me. It wouldn’t be so bad if they actually got paid for subjecting themselves to this degrading experience, but the Department of Employment are, incredibly, pitching it as some kind of ‘work experience’ scheme for the long-term unemployed! There’s no guarantee that any of them will get full-time work in the sex trade as a result of allowing themselves to be exploited.” For their part, the government has been quick to deny allegations that anyone refusing to participate in the scheme would have their unemployment benefits stopped. “The scheme is purely voluntary. That said, I do think one would have to question whether anyone genuinely seeking work would refuse to participate in activities designed to provide them with a route back into the world of paid employment,” says Employment Minister Gerald Wacklow-Fondle, who also denies that anyone has actually been forced into prostitution. “These claims are a gross exaggeration – the worst that any of them were asked to do was perform as ‘warm up acts’, to get the punters ‘up and ready’ before they get down to business with the professionals!”

However, at least one young unemployed person who found themselves taking part in the programme disagrees vehemently with Wacklow-Fondle’s assessment of the situation. Twenty three year old graduate Becky Poke found herself ordered to report for a work experience placement earlier this year. “I was quite surprised when I received the letter from my local dole office, as I had already told them that I’d organised my own work experience more suited to my qualifications and career aspirations,” Biology graduate Becky told us. “But when I spoke to them on the phone, they were quite insistent that I had to do it, so I told the medical lab I wouldn’t be able to take up their offer of work experience.” Alarm bells quickly began to ring for Becky with regard to the new placement. “I began to suspect something was wrong when I arrived at the ‘work placement’ – a suburban house in West London – and was told to take my clothes off and go to room three,” “When I entered the room I was met by the appalling sight of a grossly overweight man sitting on the edge of the bed – he was stark naked! The supervisor then came in and told me that I had to ‘fluff’ him and induce an erection! It was disgusting – I’m sure the fact that they wouldn’t let me wear gloves to handle his flaccid member constituted a breach of Health and Safety regulations!”

Worse was to come for Becky the next day, as she found herself attending to another customer. “I suddenly recognised him – he was the manager of the dole office where I signed on! It was so embarrassing, he was stark naked! I just didn’t know where to look” she recalls. “But then he obviously recognised me! He told me that if I didn’t perform oral sex on him then I’d have my benefits stopped!” Surprised and outraged by this crude attempt to exploit her position, Becky refused the proposition. “He just wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer and kept threatening me with taking away my benefits and even prosecution for making fraudulent claims if I didn’t do what he wanted,” she says. “But there was no way I was going to have sex with him! Eventually we came to compromise – I’d let him spank me in return for keeping my benefits!” However, she soon found that the manager wouldn’t be satisfied with a mere spanking. “The bastard subjected me to a lengthy and very painful bondage session,” Becky claims. “I was strapped naked to a bed frame for four hours, whilst he applied nipple clamps, whips and a riding crop to my breasts and genitals. It culminated with him bending me across the back of a chair and thrashing my bare buttocks with a leather belt! I couldn’t sit down for a week after that!”

Wacklow-Fondle, nevertheless, insists that Miss Poke’s experiences aren’t typical of the scheme and continues to defend it. “Quite frankly, this policy was a stroke of genius! After all, as young unemployed people, all they are going to experience for the foreseeable future is humiliation, exploitation and poverty,” he says. “So why not turn these experiences into a positive? Under this scheme they’ll still suffer all these things, but at least it will be in slightly better surroundings and they’ll have the satisfaction of knowing that they’ve given someone else pleasure whilst being humiliated and exploited.” He also defended the policy on the grounds that it would provide the participants with unparalleled opportunities to network. “ Believe me, the sort of people who partake of these services are incredibly well connected and everyone knows that they key to advancement lies in who you know, rather than what you know,” he opines. “Where else would unemployed lower class types get this sort of access? If they play their cards right, their participation in this scheme could prove to be a passport to a career in banking, the media or politics.”