Government denies Security Service’s ‘honey trap’ scheme – ‘Operation Spanker’s Bonus’ – succeeded in entrapping only Tory MPs rather than foreign agents and domestic security threats. According to spokes person top Tory MP didn’t suffer heart attack while strapped into spanking machine and senior minister not caught off his face on drugs.
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Is Soho’s new ‘Club Sex’ an outrage to public decency, as claimed by opponents? Club will offer live stimulated ‘rape shows’ for predominantly male members. Owner claims watching fake rapes will satiate appetites of potential rapists for sexual molestation of women. Campaigners condemn exploitation of male violence against women for entertainment.
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Activist proposes that arses allegedly grabbed by Tory MP Chris Pincher be immortalised as giant sculptures, as they led to fall of Boris Johnson and ‘saved Britain’. Should one huge pair of cheeks replace Winston Churchill in Parliament Square? Is fourth plinth in Trafalgar Square appropriate permanent home for the other?
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Is sexual deviancy the new qualification required for serving in cabinet? As disgraced former Tory Deputy Chief Whip Chris Pincher seeks help with his groping addiction from ‘Arse Grabbers Anonymous’, Boris Johnson launches ‘Operation Save Big Swinging Dick’ in attempt to save his Premiership from series of sordid sex scandals.
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New book sensationally claims Boris Johnson’s sexual prowess actually a myth. Alleges the Johnson ‘Johnson’ not up to the job. Tabloid story counter claims Prime Minister so rampant that he used recent self-isolation period to stage fourteen day ‘shag fest’ at Chequers.
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Local journalist claims Rudy Guiliani’s laptop found in Preston computer shop. Alleges hard drive full of gay porn. Is President’s personal lawyer involved in bizarre plot to finance election challenge through proceeds of adult film making?
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Will Boris Johnson’s much vaunted virility, as he gets another woman up the duff, prove to be his downfall? Top Labour spin doctor plans election broadcast simulating Prime Minister in bed copulating with a woman – believes public revulsion at sight of all those wobbling buttocks and horrendous grunting will persuade voters to abandon Boris.
Read MoreSanta’s memoirs threaten to reveal salacious details of celebrities caught in flagrante delicto as he came down their chimneys. Legal action threatened as details of Peeping Santa’s activities made public.
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Is Boris Johnson the reincarnation of neolithic sex beast? Incredible claims that Prime Minister’s alleged groping of women is result of this bestial past life involuntarily reasserting itself. Claims that other right wing leaders also apes in past lives.
Read MoreSeveral old cans of film dug up from a field reveal a sensational wartime secret involving a lost British pornographic propaganda film. Was ‘Spanked by the Swastika’ banned because of fears it made Nazis sexually attractive, or because it made bondage available to the masses?
Read MoreTop political spin doctor laments lack of good sex scandals during Tory leadership contest. Contends that well-managed and carefully leaked affair can enhance candidate’s standing with male voters who believe sexual prowess and virility translate into political competence and international statesmanship.
Read MoreCharity shops besieged by pensioners seeking to exchange sex for second hand goods in wake of Oxfam sex for aid scandal. New charitable donors horrified to discover their money isn’t financing import of foreign sex workers for their use.
Read MoreHollywood documentary maker outs himself as serial sex abuser, but alleged victims deny they were abused, accusing film maker of desperate bid for publicity on back of entertainment sex scandals!
Read MoreSecret Santa the public never sees exposed! Father Christmas accused of being a ruthless sexual predator who, has been abusing his position of trust to sate his perverted desires!
Read MoreAre feminists now using mind readers to detect men’s lewd thoughts? Tory MP claims feminist fundamentalists want to see men prosecuted for their abusive sexual fantasies about women.
Read MoreAre standards of British sex offending in decline? Is current political sex scandal too little, too late? Expert demands that MPs must step up sexual harassment to set example if US lead in sexual offences to be cut.
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