Tag: tory satire

Tory Tough Guy

Public amazement as Home Secretary takes tough line on immigration by personally attacking rubber dinghy and hurling illegal occupants back into sea. New policy initiative or cynical political posturing as Sajid Javid positions himself as Tory tough guy in race to succeed Theresa May?

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Happy Brexmas!

Top Brexiteer switches sides following visitations from three ghosts with visions of Brexit past, present and future. Spectre of a far from Happy Brexmas with Santa being denied free movement to deliver presents, leads to cabinet minister embracing second referendum and ‘No Brexit at All’.

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Inside the Brexit Bunker

Meet the ‘Brexit Preppers’ as they prepare their ‘Brexit Bunkers’ for the chaos they believe will follow a ‘No Deal’ Brexit. Top ‘Prepper’ tells of how tinned food, medicines, even illegal drugs, European porn and prostitutes are being hoarded in preparation for Brexit. Reveals that he is prepared to defend his bunker by force, if necessary.

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Universal Hate

Government announces introduction of new ‘Universal Hate’ policy, under which all existing forms of hate crime, regardless of whether it is racial, religious or gender based, will be amalgamated into one single type of hate. Ministers hope new system will simplify process of hate crime for perpetrators, victims and police.

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Never Say Novichok Again

Is latest Novichok attack further evidence that UK government being held to ransom by international crime syndicate? Or is Boris Johnson the criminal ‘mastermind’ behind plot to blackmail Prime Minister into implementing ‘Hard Brexit’?

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Hostile Environment

Did government outsource ‘Hostile Environment policy for illegal immigrants to extreme right wing groups? Allegations that neo-Nazis employed by Home Office to intimidate alleged illegals with burning crosses and racist attacks.

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The Great British Sex Scandal

Are standards of British sex offending in decline? Is current political sex scandal too little, too late? Expert demands that MPs must step up sexual harassment to set example if US lead in sexual offences to be cut.

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Save the Children

Britain’s peadophiles complain that too many unaccompanied refugee children arriving in UK are actually adults. Demand tougher age tests to ensure that the government only save the children for them, not over age impostors.

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For Queen and Country

Did Her Majesty The Queen lead English football hooligans against Russian thugs at Euro 2016? Extraordinary allegations as top hooligan claims armour clad Jeremy Corbyn rallied English hooligans in Marseilles.

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Bugger Boris

Is Boris Johnson the notorious Balham Buggerer? Top paranormal investigator claims Boris’ inner Turk unleashed under stress as he regresses into Turkish great grandfather to commit depravities.

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Full English Coup

Does ‘Leave’ Campaign Have Contingency Plans to Launch Military Coup in Event of ‘Remain’ Victory in EU Referendum? Sensational Claims that Farage and Other Brexit Leaders Plotting to Seize Power!

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Boris Goes Ape

Boris Johnson shot by police after manhandling child who climbed on his podium during Brexit campaign. Was former Mayor trying to protect child or had he gone ape?

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Boris: Top Trumper?

Is Boris Johnson the ‘Top Trumper’ Behind Super Injunction to Gag Reporting of Explosive Farting? Neighbours of Unnamed Top Politician Tell of How His Early Morning Wind Breaking is Destroying Their Lives!

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Three Line Whip

As ‘Whip and Tell’ stories involving government ministers proliferate, Tory back bencher launches private members bill proposing new code of conduct for sex workers involved with politicians.

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Diversionary Tactics

Are Recent Sex Scandals Really Diversionary Tactics Designed to Misdirect Public Attention Away From Prime Minister’s Tax Problems? Journalist Claims Secret Spin Doctor Masterminding HIgh Profile Events and News Stories to Divert Attention From Government’s Real Problems.

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Ban the Bounce!

Tory MP Calls for Ban on Bouncy Castles Following Series of Fatalities. Are Deadly Inflatables Alien Predators Preying on Human Children, or Terrorist Plot to Kill British KIds?

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