Queens of Outer Space

“As I entered the office I was confronted by the most amazing sight – Prince Philip was bent across his desk stark naked, apparently breaking wind into a trumpet-like device held by a man dressed in a silver spacesuit! Shocked, I mumbled my apologies and backed out of the room!” So retired Air Chief Marshal Sir Oscar Agfay describes the bizarre incident one cold December night in 1960 which was to result in the strangest encounter of his life. Agfay, a former fighter pilot who had served with distinction in both World War Two and Korea, found himself serving as equerry to the Duke of Edinburgh in the early 1960s, and quickly formed a close bond with the Duke. “I ‘d been interested in the whole flying saucer business ever since I’d had a close encounter with something huge and cigar shaped near Bangkok in 1955, upon learning of this, the Prince confided to me that he had had several ‘queer’ encounters of his own,” recalls Agfay. “Nonetheless, that incident in the office still came as quite a shock! As I left the office in a panic, I bumped into Lord Mountbatten and tried to tell him what I’d seen. To my utter amazement, he kissed me full on the lips, fondled my bottom and told me that he had a friend who could explain everything to me! He added that his ‘circle’ had had its eye on me for a long time and he was sure that I was ‘one of them’ and could be trusted with their incredible secrets! Of course, I didn’t question him for one minute – he was a superior officer, after all.”

Within minutes Agfay found himself sitting beside Mountbatten in an official Daimler as they drove to a small flat in a dingy street off of Soho. Once inside the dimly lit flat, Mountbatten introduced Agfay to his mysterious friend – Mr Janus. “From his chair beside the fire he immediately told me ‘You are correct, I am not of your world!’ I was astounded – he could obviously read my thoughts,” says Agfay. “He went on to tell me that ‘they’ had been living amongst us for many years and could count many influential figures amongst their circle of sympathisers. Their aim was to avert the human race from self-destruction by putting man in touch with his gentler emotions and soothing his inner anger and aggression. They planned to do this by educating us as to the power of the ‘third eye’. He explained that all living things possessed a ‘third eye’ which was the seat of great untapped energy – by opening up this eye and releasing its power, true enlightenment could be achieved!”

By this time the young Agfay was enraptured by the enigmatic Mr Janus’ strange tale, and eagerly agreed to his offer to demonstrate the power of the third eye. “He bent over in front of the fire, his back to me, dropped his trousers and spread his cheeks to reveal his ‘third eye’. I was mesmerised by it – I could feel the energy emanating from it,” Agfay recalls, his voice filled with awe. “As I stared at it there was a sudden pulse of energy, accompanied by a long, low trumpeting noise. The force of it knocked me off of my feet! As I got up I found that I was covered in what I can only describe as a sticky discoloured ectoplasm! As Janus pulled his trousers back up, Mountbatten asked me if I’d like to become ‘one of them’ – of course, I agreed immediately!”

Janus then explained how his people had harnessed the power of the ‘third eye’ to travel between worlds. “They had a special technique for releasing it for this purpose. In fact Janus told me that his own spaceship was currently low on power and needed a ‘jump start’, and asked if I could oblige. Obviously, I agreed,” he says. “Next thing I knew, I was across his knees, my trousers around my ankles, being given a bloody good spanking, whilst Mountbatten looked on!” The power released by this thrashing was apparently enough for Janus to get his vehicle started, and Agfay and Mountbatten departed. “Although I never really got a good look at him, I’d say that he was of striking appearance, not handsome so much as beautiful, in an androgynous way. He was also dressed rather flamboyantly – frilled shirt and a brown wide-brimmed fedora – and I’m sure he was wearing purple nail varnish,” Agfay says of his new friend. Thrilled by his new knowledge, Agfay was keen to share it with the Duke of Edinburgh. “I was now sure that he was also ‘one of them’, and wanted to show him that I was now also part of his club,” he says. “So as soon as I got back to the Palace, I decided to demonstrate to him that I too had mastered the power of the ‘third eye’. Consequently, I dropped my trousers in front of him and the Queen and attempted to emanate some energy from my eye. Unfortunately, I only succeeded in spraying them both with evil-smelling brown ectoplasm. Clearly, I still had much to learn!”

Whilst on extended sick leave, following this incident, Agfay had another encounter with ‘one of them’ in a public lavatory near Kings Cross station. “As I was zipping up my trousers, this fellow approached me at the urinals and offered to take me on a journey of discovery! Like Janus, he was wearing purple nail varnish and was wearing a brown hat – I later learned that this was a standard form of identification amongst ‘them’. Moreover, they apparently sometimes communicated via strange messages and symbols scrawled on toilet cubicle walls. Anyway, I agreed to go with him, whereupon he gave me a pill to swallow and led me toward one of the cubicles, as we entered, I blacked out,” the airman says. “When I came to, I was aboard one of their spaceships! My companion took me to the engine room, where at least thirty young men were being soundly thrashed with canes by brown-hatted crewmen – their cheeks were glowing cherry-red with the vast amounts of energy being released to keep the ship in flight. I was taken on a trip around the solar system and shown the rings around Uranus. My new friend also explained how ‘they’ used the strange noises I’d heard coming from Janus’ eye to communicate over interstellar distances!”

A few days after his space trip, Agfay was visited by a pair of mysterious ‘men in black’. “They said they were from the Security Services and that they’d heard about my experiences and needed to physically examine me, for national security purposes of course, so would I mind stripping off? Obviously, I agreed,” he says. “Next thing I knew, one of the blighters dropped his trousers, whipped out his John Thomas and took me roughly from behind, whilst the other one photographed it all! They told me that if I ever breathed a word about the Duke, Mountbatten, Janus or the ‘third eye’ again, the photos would be sent to the press and I’d be ruined!” Indeed, Agfay has kept his silence – until now. “The truth is too important to be kept secret forever the world needs Janus’ message of peace more than ever, so publish and be damned!” he declares defiantly.