Tag: weird

Street Fighting Pope

What lies behind Pope Francis’ assault on a woman in St Peter’s Square on New Year’s Eve? Was he fighting off sex starved Papal groupie, or was he preparing to fight evil with his fists?

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Heaven Can’t Wait

Man threatens to sue NHS for reviving him from clinical death. Claims medics’ actions wrenched him unwillingly from heavenly paradise. Controversially claims hereafter is eternal pub presided over by Christ the Geezer.

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Peeping Santa

Santa’s memoirs threaten to reveal salacious details of celebrities caught in flagrante delicto as he came down their chimneys. Legal action threatened as details of Peeping Santa’s activities made public.

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Ghost Trolling

Paranormal Investigator, Exorcist and Agony Aunt The Reverend Leonard Fanny advises readers on their supernatural problems. This time, a reader fears that we will never be rid of a group og ghosts constantly trolling her over her appearance. Can the Rev help?

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The Great British Porn Challenge

Reality TV show that gets participants to film own adult movies is latest UK viewing sensation. ‘Great British Porn Challenge’ hailed as greatest TV phenomenon since ‘Great British Bake Off’. Makers claim series aims to revive lost skills of adult movie production in the UK.

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Boris and the Beast

Is Boris Johnson the reincarnation of neolithic sex beast? Incredible claims that Prime Minister’s alleged groping of women is result of this bestial past life involuntarily reasserting itself. Claims that other right wing leaders also apes in past lives.

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Spanked by the Swastika

Several old cans of film dug up from a field reveal a sensational wartime secret involving a lost British pornographic propaganda film. Was ‘Spanked by the Swastika’ banned because of fears it made Nazis sexually attractive, or because it made bondage available to the masses?

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The Third Secret

Just what is the truth behind the Third Secret of Sutton Coldfield? Why is it being suppressed by the Vatican? Conspiracy theorist claims it prophesises gay pope, thereby threatening whole basis of Catholicism.

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The Wet Sell

Will male incontinence products be the next advertising phenomena? With women’s incontinence products market now saturated, advertisers turning to male equivalents, promising ‘Wet Sell’ to make rubber pants and adult nappies to cater for binge drinking and curry consequences sexy.

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Casting Cats

Fury over trailer for new film version of ‘Cats’ – critics accuse makers of prejudice due to failure to cast real cats. Claim use of human actors playing felines as bad as white actors blacking up to play negro roles. Casting allegedly part of media’s pro-dog, anti-cat, agenda.

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Unreal Ales

Can the Campaign for Real Ale tell the difference between effluent and craft beer? While real ale buffs enthuse over new brew, micro brewery owner accused of brewing unreal ales from raw sewage as part of revenge plot for loss of local pub.

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Perversion Therapy

Are straight US men being turned gay through so-called ‘Perversion Therapy’? Notorious tabloid claims liberal conspiracy to boost number of homosexuals in order for US to meet UN mandated minorities quotas. Claims condemned as right wing propaganda intended to distract from ‘Conversion Therapy’ scandal.

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Too Good for the Poor

Is poverty too good for the poor? Extraordinary claims of well off City-types who engage in poverty role play. Buying up slums to revel in supposedly stress free, irresponsible lives of the poor, in order to relieve the ennui of their privileged lives.

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Conspiracy of Conspiracy Theories

Are conspiracy theories themselves part of a conspiracy to subvert democratic institutions and national economies for the benefit of a shadowy elite? New book makes astounding claims that most popular conspiracy theories are being disseminated by sinister figures hoping to profit from the uncertainty and chaos they cause.

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Bent Out of Shape

Home Secretary unveils Uri Gellar as new weapon against knife crime – promises future stabbings will be foiled as noted psychic causes offending blades to be bent out of shape before they can do any damage. Calls for initiative to be extended to sex crimes, with offending members withered before they can penetrate victims.

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The Tories’ Last Orgy

Is the Tory party about to implode into an orgy of sadism and sexual depravity? Top political activist compares state of Tory government to last days of Third Reich, predicts it will self-destruct in hedonistic frenzy of sex and violence.

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