Tag: weird

Evil Dead

Were police sent to guard the mortuary holding ‘Moors Murderer’ Ian Brady’s body due to fears that an attempt would be made to resurrect him? Tabloids accused of exploiting dead killer’s notoriety for circulation with bizarre stories of body snatching and return from the grave.

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Fire Down Below

Paranormal Investigator, Exorcist and Agony Aunt The Reverend Leonard Fanny advises readers on their supernatural problems. This time, a reader fears ‘fire down below’ during sex thanks to her pyrokinetic powers. Can the Rev help?

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Zombie Justice

Should convicted criminals who die before they’ve completed their sentences be brought back from the grave to finish their punishment? Newspaper suggests voodoo be employed to bring back as zombies offenders attempting to cheat justice through death.

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Slay Ride

Major UK Terror Alert After Hijacked Santa’s Sleigh Crashes into Shoppers at German Market. Was Driver Part of Group Trying to Drive Out European Xmas Traditions in Favour of British Yule-tide Celebrations?

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Down With Xmas!

Man Punches Out Salvation Army Officer for Wishing Him an Unsolicited ‘Happy Christmas’. So Called ‘Man Who Hate Christmas’ Plans to Sabotage Yuletide by Poisoning Supermarket Seasonal Foodstuffs with own Excrement.

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Invisible Trump

Is Donald Trump’s bid for the White House being sabotaged by an invisible man? Incredible claims that invisible saboteur real culprit behind groping allegations!

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Medical Magic

Government plans to break junior doctors’ dispute by using blackleg alternative medical practitioners, including voodoo priests, spiritualists and shamans, revealed. Patients complain of use of animal sacrifices instead of pharmaceuticals.

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No Sex Please!

Man banned from having sexual intercourse without giving police forty eight hours notice. Authorities claim his orgasms so powerful they induce frenzied sexual activity in anyone in close proximity.

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Winds of Terror

Police Accused of Overreacting After Massive Evil-Smelling Fart Sparks London Terror Alert. Flatulence Subsequently Deemed ‘Spontaneous’ Rather than Being Deliberate Chemical Attack.

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Bugger Boris

Is Boris Johnson the notorious Balham Buggerer? Top paranormal investigator claims Boris’ inner Turk unleashed under stress as he regresses into Turkish great grandfather to commit depravities.

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Destroy All Beards

Are HIpster Beards Really Alien Parasites? Is Human Race’s Only Hope a Salesman Capable of Destroying Horrible Hipster Beards Through the Power of His Mind?

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The Devil Trumps

Is Donald Trump the Devil’s Spawn? Preacher Demands Presidential Hopeful Produces Birth Certificate to Prove he was Born of Woman and Not a Jackal.

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Dead Sexy

Were Successive Nazi, Soviet and US Attempts to Create ‘Dead Sexy’ Soldiers Capable of Using Sexual Energies to Remotely Kill Inspired by Secret Buddhist Priesthood? Did President Kennedy Fall Prey to Russian ‘Sex Assassin’?

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Christmas Curse!

English Village Gripped by Fear Every Christmas as Non-Festive Residents Brutally Murdered by Mystery Assailant! Is ‘Christmastein Monster’ Responsible for Yule Themed Slayings?

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The Haunted Trousers

Are Man’s Trousers Haunted by Evil Spirit of Sex Offender? Exorcism Performed on Possessed Pantaloons Following Paranormal Phenomena in Groin Area, Including Ectoplasm and Bizarre Bulging!

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Corbyn’s Coven

Is Labour Leader Jeremy Corbyn High Priest of a Powerful Witches’ Coven? Astonishing Claims From Tory Back Bencher Who Alleges that Corbyn Plans to Destroy Britain Through Black Magic.

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