Has a notorious Victorian ghoul returned to terrorise Britain’s streets? Is ‘Flame Arsed Jack’ is once more abroad, frightening women and children with his anal arson antics? Mass hysteria, supernatural apparition, or ‘Wokerati’ bogeyman invented to scare children into being woke? Experts disagree as to true nature of ‘Flame Arsed Jack’.
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Did the Queen jump out of her coffin at lying in state as practical joke before expiring again? Did those viewing coffin experience healing miracles? Top psychologist claims UK spent period of Royal mourning in state of hysteria, hallucinating late monarch as saint-like figure, as a ‘Royal Death Cult’ gripped nation.
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Paranormal Investigator, Exorcist and Agony Aunt The Reverend Leonard Fanny advises readers on their supernatural problems. This time he counsels a convent suffering from the activities of a ‘Bad Saviour’. Is a devil abroad as nuns claim effigy of Christ climbs down from cross nightly to ravish them?
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With raw sewage threatening to swamp Britain’s beaches, new service to combat brown menace announced. As authorities make plans for hazmat clad lifeguards to rescue effluent engulfed swimmers, environmentalists warn of threat from crap-mutated giant sea creatures if water companies don’t stop discharging raw sewage into the sea.
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Is Soho’s new ‘Club Sex’ an outrage to public decency, as claimed by opponents? Club will offer live stimulated ‘rape shows’ for predominantly male members. Owner claims watching fake rapes will satiate appetites of potential rapists for sexual molestation of women. Campaigners condemn exploitation of male violence against women for entertainment.
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Tory leadership contender Liz Truss appeals to Conservative Party membership by vowing to have head replaced with that of Margaret Thatcher if elected leader. Tory Party scientist outlines bizarre plan to revive Thatcher’s dead head to create ‘perfect Conservative Prime Minister’.
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Paranormal Investigator, Exorcist and Agony Aunt The Reverend Leonard Fanny advises readers on their supernatural problems. This time, a mother worries her teenaged son is involved in a Satanic sex cult when she discovers a huge stone penis-shaped altar in his room, to which he and his friends masturbate. Can the Rev help?
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Has the Queen become a homicidal maniac? On eve of Jubilee, former Palace employee makes extraordinary claims of paranoid monarch engaging in knife fights and attacking members of family she suspects of plotting to kill her for the crown. Top Royal commentator believes real threat coming from pagan cultists looking to sacrifice Queen to renew UK.
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Prime Minister explodes in Commons! Terrorism or spontaneous human combustion? Tory party thrown into chaos amid accusations of witchcraft being behind explosion. While opposition suggests either Boris Johnson exploded from shame or faked own death to escape political problems, others point finger at Labour leader Keir Starmer’s alleged mental powers.
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Government defends decision to scale down giant monster attack defences, claiming threat of such attacks has now receded and Britons must learn to live with monsters. Critics allege government’s indiscriminate use of nuclear weapons as primary defence – following failure of expensive private sector initiatives – caused mutations driving continued waves of the creatures.
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As local business sacks regular workforce, local community asks whether ‘agency staff’ replacements are actually zombies. Claims of all-night Voodoo drums from delivery bays of Dagenham supermarket as customers allege they recognise some of shambolic new staff as deceased loved ones. Are the living dead destined to be UK’s new unpaid workforce?
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New company offers ‘White Man’s Delight’ holidays for UK bigots disenchanted with Brexit Britain. Plan to buy a small country and institute ‘woke free’ regime for visitors to enjoy ‘politically incorrect holidays’ abusing women and minorities, consequence free. Promise England in the seventies-style ‘paradise’ for those tired of ‘wokery’.
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Paranormal Investigator, Exorcist and Agony Aunt The Reverend Leonard Fanny advises readers on their supernatural problems. This time, a sex therapist is having trouble with an attack of the crabs – giant mutated pubic lice – that he has inadvertently let loose upon an English seaside resort, causing carnal chaos. Can the Rev help?
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Donald Trump denies he was ever president, labelling reports of his tenure in White House as being ‘Fake News’. He and supporters claim conspiracy by liberal elites to suppress public memory of disastrous Hillary Clinton presidency by creating false narrative of Trump administration to take blame instead.
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Paranormal Investigator, Exorcist and Agony Aunt The Reverend Leonard Fanny advises readers on their supernatural problems. This time, a worried public figure fears their pact with the Devil for unlimited sex, power and wealth is being reneged upon as he finds his popularity, especially with women, and undeserved success are slipping away. Can the Rev help?
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Have ‘True Crime’ podcasters run out of crimes to investigate? Wrongful conviction in unsolved murder case exposes how popular podcasters made up evidence to gain popularity. Allegations that other podcasters actually committed the bizarre crimes they ‘investigated’ and framed innocent people in order to create ‘solution’.
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