Tag: royalty

Royal Death Cult

Did the Queen jump out of her coffin at lying in state as practical joke before expiring again? Did those viewing coffin experience healing miracles? Top psychologist claims UK spent period of Royal mourning in state of hysteria, hallucinating late monarch as saint-like figure, as a ‘Royal Death Cult’ gripped nation.

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Who Will Rid Me of This Turbulent Turd?

Did private remark by exasperated Queen result in multiple attempts on life of Prime Minister Boris Johnson? Journalist makes amazing claims of Royal disapproval of Britain’s leading buffoon in wake of mob attempting to bludgeon Johnson to death as he left Parliament.

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Let’s Kill the Queen!

Has the Queen become a homicidal maniac? On eve of Jubilee, former Palace employee makes extraordinary claims of paranoid monarch engaging in knife fights and attacking members of family she suspects of plotting to kill her for the crown. Top Royal commentator believes real threat coming from pagan cultists looking to sacrifice Queen to renew UK.

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Art of Politics

Controversial unofficial statue of Princess Diana doing it ‘doggie style’ with soldier destroyed by council after causing outrage. Latest example of ‘guerilla art’ portraying public figures and politicians in unflattering poses sparks debate as to whether works constitute art, political statement or just gratuitous public offense.

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The Mourning After

As TV news anchors come to blows on air over who is being most respectful to Prince Philip, many ask whether coverage of Royal death too extensive and too reverential. News outlet criticized for filling air time with conspiracy theories that Duke assassinated by Boris Johnson or Meghan Markle.

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The Queen in Black

Is HM The Queen really black? Shock claims of Her Majesty’s secret blackness by left-wing journalist rocks Britain’s conservatives. Has there been massive decades long conspiracy by UK establishment to cover up Queen Elizabeth’s true heritage?

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Her Majesty’s Last Orgy

Did the Queen spend lock down engaged in sex and drug fueled orgies in her Windsor Castle bunker? Wild tabloid tales of naked ladies-in-waiting engaged in gladitorial contests and soap stars forced to perform shows live and at gun point emerge.

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Renouncing Royalty

Constitutional crisis or cobblers? Will Prince Harry and Meghan’s decision to renounce royal life and live on council estate in Slough result in end of the monarchy as we know it? Royal experts disagree as to consequences of Harry becoming Uber driver.

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Marriage of Inconvenience

Despite recent Royal Wedding boosting popularity of matrimony in the UK, growing numbers of single people continue to believe in inconvenience of marriage. Consequently, wedding-themed magazine proposes self-marriage service allowing singles to walk down the aisle with themselves.

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They Saved Diana’s Brain

Did surgeons save Princess Diana’s brain on night of fatal Paris car crash? New documentary film makes extraordinary claim that Diana’s brain still lives and exerts telepathic influence over her family!

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Never Say Di

Former Royal medium reveals Princess Diana’s sensational post-mortem affairs. TV station condemned for airing recordings of seances in which Lady Di chronicles afterlife assignations with Errol Flynn and John Lennon.

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Dying for Ratings

Was George Michael Murdered by News Media Conspiracy to boost Christmas News Ratings? Top Conspiracy THeorist Claims Queen also on media ‘Hit List’.

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For Queen and Country

Did Her Majesty The Queen lead English football hooligans against Russian thugs at Euro 2016? Extraordinary allegations as top hooligan claims armour clad Jeremy Corbyn rallied English hooligans in Marseilles.

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Breaking the Silence

Queen Accused of Breaking Wind During Two Minute Silence at Cenotaph. Royal Fart Widely Condemned as Disrespectful – Not Mention Noxious – to Britain’s War Dead and Military Veterans.

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Long Live the Queen!

Is spare part surgery keeping the Queen and Prince Philip alive? Journalist claims dead royals ‘stripped for spares’ as Royal couple bid to outlive Prince Charles and prevent his accession to throne.

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