Customers report increasing number of bizarre attacks while shopping at supermarkets. Many claim to have been pursued by fruit and vegetable wielding mobs or been beaten with prime cuts of meat. Are these incidents the result of secret government mind control experiments or are they being orchestrated by sinister consumer cult out to make human sacrifices to ensure better bargains?
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Circus overcomes performing animal ban by employing men in animal suits to perform dangerous acts. Panic ensues in quiet English town as fake lions mistaken for real thing by gun-toting pub landlord and local RSPCA inundated with calls from locals outraged by sight of gorillas apparently fighting bears, elephants on tightropes and knife-throwing monkeys.
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New book investigating alleged sex lives of top saints draws religious ire. Is it cheap and possibly blasphemous sensationalism or a serious study of the humanity behind the divine? Author claims book makes religious figures more approachable by allowing average people to identify with holy icons who experience normal sexual urges and temptations, while top bishops claim he is trying to undermine the magnificent mystery of the faith.
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Should the men found guilty illegally felling ‘Sycamore Gap Tree’ be hanged from scaffold constructed from its timbers? Is the wave of hate and calls for extreme punishment directed toward them result of media inspired campaign to stoke up right-wing reactionaries? Or are a secret society of tree-worshipping druids out for revenge behind it all? Are druids conspiring to ritually sacrifice culprits by fire?
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Woman returns from grave claiming to have been evicted from hereafter for anti-social behaviour. Cleric claims she has been resurrected in rejuvenated form in order to have chance of redeeming herself again on earth. Reluctant son-in-law forced to take her in as her assets already bequeathed to beneficiaries of will, fears he and future generations of family will be stuck with the unrepentant sinner indefinitely.
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Why does the right find it so difficult to grasp the fundamentals of democracy? Why do they find it so difficult to understand that coalition governments that represent the majority of voters are perfectly legitimate, even when they exclude the largest single party? Have we lost sight of the concept of government by consensus of the majority?
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Top British tabloid editor vents frustrations at not being able to fully embrace Trump and his anti-immigration, cost-cutting and anti civil rights policies due to US president’s unpopularity in UK. Claims Fleet Street’s right-wing press ‘in Hell’ as they also feel obliged to attack right-wing Labour government for implementing anti-immigration, anti-benefits agenda and anti-public spending agenda they previously endorsed.
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Was Godzilla’s attack on Los Angeles the inevitable result of Trump’s tariffs on Japanese imports? As Japan unleashes wave after wave of giant monsters against US cities, America responds by deploying giant Donald Trump to fight the invasion. Can giant Trump, assisted by giant Pete Hegseth and giant J D vance turn back the tide of Japanese monster imports?
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Has UFOlogy become too sensationalised? Top flying saucer expert claims modern UFO community too professionalised and commercialised, ‘sexing up’ alien encounters with inter-species sex and anal probes to sell their books and DVDs. Calls for return to ‘Golden Age’ of blurred photos and mysterious lights in order to bring back ‘magic’ of flying saucers.
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Reform UK candidate laments decline of traditional British witchcraft in the provinces. Claims that he hasn’t been invited to join a single coven or satanic cult since moving to provincial town. Is influx of immigrants to UK with their foreign occult practices like Voodoo driving out traditional British occultism?
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Is there a secret project to divert asteroid to hit the earth, specifically targeting Trump White House? Amazing claims that European governments engaged in secret project to smash US East Coast with meteor in attempt to rid the world of MAGA scourge.
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Top British racist agitator claims last year’s race riots failed due to intervention of ‘League of Asian Superheroes’ using their powers to protect asylum seekers from violent thugs. Did UK government experiments to feed Punjabi women radioactive chapatis in the sixties create race of super-powered Asian mutants?
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Is the US a nation of psychopaths who have chosen to elect a president who aligns with their own disturbed and deranged mind-set? From their celebration of lawlessness in the Old West to their obsession with personal ownership of lethal weapons as a personal right, the average American exhibits many of the key traits of the psychopath…
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Trump stuns allies with plans to redevelop post-war Ukraine into ‘Riviera of the Black Sea’. Ukrainian population to be relocated to annexed Canada as Trump demonstrates ‘Art of the Steal’ in peace negotiations with Putin as he aims to add Ukraine to Gaza in his property portfolio.
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Is Elon Musk’s disenchantment with current state of European neo-fascism driving him to create the ‘perfect Nazi’? Warnings that the billionaire plans to create ‘clockwork Nazis’ embodying Aryan ideals of genetic perfection using advanced robotics and AI which will lead new European fascist movement.
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Should all creative activity be handed over to Artificial Intelligence? With writers, actors, directors and other creatives increasingly being ‘outed’ as sex offenders, religious freaks, animal molesters and Nazis, top science fiction writer claims that AI created fiction, films and TV would save fans from emotional trauma of having to constantly cancel their idols.
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