The news that Prince Harry will face no criminal charges relating to the shooting of two hen harriers, a protected species, at the Sandringham estate has been greeted with incredulity in many quarters. “Those birds were just the tip of the iceberg,” opines top conservationist Bruce Mange of the Wildlife Defence League. “We have reports that endangered species are being slaughtered by the hundred every year on Royal estates. It isn’t just indigenous species at risk – we have evidence that they’re secretly shipping in the likes of tigers, golden eagles, even rhinos to be hunted!” Mange believes that there is a high-level conspiracy to cover-up the Royal family’s wildlife hunting activities. “Why do you think the British government has been so keen to push global warming in the face of US scepticism?” he asks. “They’re trying to hide the fact that the Royal family are hunting species to extinction at an accelerating rate by trying to blame it on climate change, instead.” Mange believes that the Royal family are at the centre of a massive global black-market in endangered species. “They’re using their vast wealth to fund a network of big game hunters, trappers and smugglers, in order to keep the Royal estates stocked with endangered species,” he says. “Until it had to be scrapped because it stank of dung, they used to use the Royal yacht Britannia to smuggle the beasts into Britain. More recently there has been talk that RAF transport planes have been used in the ‘extraordinary rendition’ of wildlife from Africa – several witnesses have reported seeing chained gorillas with hoods over their heads being bundled onto VC10s in Nairobi.” Villagers living near Sandringham have told the conservationist of mysterious midnight deliveries to the estate. “Apparently large trucks arrive under cover of darkness every few months,” Mange reveals. “They say that strange noises are heard from the stable blocks around these times – roarings and trumpetings, that sort of thing.” However, Mange claims that none of the villagers are willing to go on the record, fearing reprisals. “Many of them rely upon the estate for their livelihoods and homes,” he explains. “Security is tight when the deliveries are made – shotgun toting gamekeepers force everyone to stay in their houses and keep the curtains drawn. One bloke who did take a photo of the trucks from his bedroom window was dragged into the street and horse whipped, before he and his family were forcibly evicted from the estate! They were forced to watch as all their belongings were thrown out of the house and set on fire! Nobody disobeyed the game keepers after that!”

Despite such threats, one villager living near Balmoral Castle in Scotland succeeded in infiltrating the estate during a hunt and filming it all on his mobile phone. “The footage is blurred and jerky, but you can quite clearly see a tiger hunt in progress,” says Mange. “Beaters are forcing the big cats out of the undergrowth, to where the hunters – including several senior members of the Royal family – can open fire on them!” Incredibly, the video shows the Royal hunting party mounted on elephants. “After they’d shot all the tigers, the bastards dismounted and proceeded to hunt the elephants,” claims Mange. “The beaters stampeded the poor pachyderms by throwing mice at their feet and when they broke cover they were mown down with automatic weapons by the Royal party.” Whilst the villager, who wishes to remain anonymous, for fear of reprisals, survived his adventure unscathed, he did have a close call when one of the tigers, terrified by the trumpeting of the elephants, attempted to take refuge in the very tree he was filming the hunt from. “As if finding himself face to face with an angry big cat wasn’t bad enough, he then found himself under fire as Prince Charles started shooting at the tiger,” the conservationist reveals. “Incredibly, despite the tree being peppered with buckshot, he wasn’t hit!” Apart from tigers and elephants, there have also been wild rumours of the Royals importing a whale to the Balmoral estate. “Apparently it was one of the smaller cetaceans, possibly a Minke whale, which they had swimming in a lake in the castle grounds,” Mange says. “Most of our information about it comes from a hang glider pilot who reckons he saw it being chased across the lake by Prince Charles, stood at the prow of a rowing boat brandishing a harpoon. He’s pretty sure Prince Philip was doing the rowing.” Although Mange and his fellow conservationists have made numerous complaints to the authorities about such incidents, no arrests have ever been made. “They say that there isn’t sufficient evidence to warrant an investigation,” he snorts derisively. “The local police in both Balmoral and Sandringham have also told us that even if we could prove that such hunting had taken place, because they hadn’t hunted with dogs, the Royals wouldn’t be breaking the current hunting ban!” Mange concedes that there is no evidence of any endangered species being hunted with dogs on any of the Royal estates, although stories abound that when they have nothing else to hunt, the Royals round up the local canine population and shoot them instead.

Mange believes that action needs to be taken immediately if mass extinctions are to be avoided. However, he has no faith in the existing wildlife conservation organisations. “They’re all just a front for the conspiracy – it’s no coincidence that Prince Philip is president of the World Wide Fund for Nature,” he declares. “Not only is it a good cover, but it ensures that the organisation’s sole purpose is to try and replenish sufficient stocks of wild animals for his family to carry on hunting.” Nor does he hold out any hope of governmental action: “They’re in cahoots with the Royals. They only introduced the hunting ban to cover up the fact that there is no domestic wildlife left to hunt – the Royals and their friends have killed it all.” Whilst the main opposition political parties have been dismissive of Mange’s allegations, they have gained support from the political fringe. “It’s yet more evidence that it is one law for the rich and another for the poor,” says Tom Tizzle, a political activist with the Workers’ Field Sports Alliance. “What chance would a working class kid on a council estate ever have of shooting any type of game bird, let alone an endangered species? Even if they could, they’d get banged up for illegal possession of a firearm, if nothing else.” Tizzle is calling for the government to introduce rare species to council estates, and for double-barrelled shotguns to be provided to underprivileged youngsters as part of their child benefits. “If we don’t act now, then many of these kids will be deprived of the opportunity to develop what are clearly vital skills for social advancement,” he says. “Blasting unarmed wild fowl to death is quite obviously one of the best forms of social networking – look at how well various members of the Royal family and their hangers on have done as a result of attending hunting parties, despite their complete lack of qualifications or talent.”