Jimmy Savile: Phantom Sex Offender?

Did Sir Jimmy Savile OBE sexually molest several young girls from beyond the grave? These are the sensational and disturbing allegations being made in a new TV documentary. “It was horrible,” says sixteen year old Scarborough resident Rebecca (not her real name), recalling the disturbing events of six months ago. “I was waiting at a bust stop near the graveyard where he’s buried, when this shambling figure with stringy bleached blonde hair, a gold track suit and lots of bad jewellery came lurching towards me, with its arms outstretched, zombie-style . It was unmistakeably Sir Jimmy, I’d recognise him anywhere, even though he was a bit green tinged and decayed around the edges.” Knowing of the former BBC DJ’s many charitable works during his lifetime, Rebecca – who was only fifteen at the time – had no fear of his perambulating corpse. “Naturally, I thought that someone who had done all those marathons for charity wouldn’t suddenly turn evil in death,” she explains in the TV programme. “But I was completely wrong – as soon as he got close enough, the mouldering bastard made a two-handed grope of my breasts, whilst mumbling ‘Now then, now then!’!” Despite screaming and hitting the apparition with her handbag, the undead celebrity seemed undeterred. “He made his trademark yodelling sound – although it was more like a long gurgle, his vocal chords were so badly decayed – then asked me if I wanted to puff on his cigar,” she sobbed. “Of course, he really meant his penis, which came off in his hand as he tried to expose it to me!” At this point, Rebecca fled from the bus stop, leaving the zombie Savile waving his penis like a cigar.

Rebecca was so severely traumatised by her experience that has only now, six months after the post-mortem sexual assault, felt able to talk about it. “It was after I heard of another sex attack in that same graveyard – in which an unseen assailant tried to take teenage girl roughly from behind as she tended to her grandmother’s grave – that I knew I had to come forward,” she says in the documentary. “I know the police have tried to claim that the attacker was a vagrant, but from that poor girl’s description of his evil decaying smell and the sound of his jewellery jangling, I knew the perpetrator had to be Sir Jimmy!” Indeed, Rebecca is convinced that there has been a top-level cover-up with regard to Savile’s activities since his death. “How long have the authorities known that he is a zombie obsessed with molesting under-age girls?” she demands. “They must have suspected something when they buried him last year – why else would they have encased his golden coffin in concrete?” Indeed, she suspects that Savile’s return from the grave as a sex-pest might not be an isolated incident, having learned that saucy comedian Benny Hill’s grave was also encased in concrete. “The official story is that it was done to deter would be grave robbers after someone had tried to dig his coffin up,” she says. “But I’ve heard that it was actually done after several reports of a man wearing a cap and granny glasses chasing young women around a nearby park, pinching their bottoms, twanging their knicker elastic and slapping his little bald man’s head.”

Not surprisingly, Savile’s status as a sex offending zombie has been hotly disputed in some quarters. “It’s absolute nonsense,” declares top celebrity journalist and part time spiritualist John Trembles, interviewed for the documentary. “The idea of a mouldering corpse wandering around feeling up young women is utterly ludicrous. All the evidence points to the fact that Sir Jimmy has actually returned from the grave in a non-corporeal spirit form.” Trembles claims that his theory is backed up by the testimonies of several other alleged victims who have come forward since Rebecca went public with her ordeal. “I was walking along the sea front in Scarborough when this Rolls Royce drew up silently beside me,” one of these victims, Brenda (again, not her real name), claims in the programme. “The rear door swung open and I looked inside to see Sir Jimmy Savile – I admit that I was a bit surprised, as he’d died six months earlier.” Sir Jimmy offered to give the fourteen year old a lift which, despite knowing he was dead and noticing that the car had no driver, she accepted. “ I knew all about his charity work, so I thought it would be OK – besides, I’d never ridden in a Rolls Royce before,” she recalled. “Once I was on the back seat next to him, he was all over me! As we sped through the streets of Scarborough he fondled my breasts without disturbing any of my clothing – his ghostly hands passed right through them!” Her attempts to fight off Savile’s icy gropes were in vain, as her own hands passed right through his spectral form. “Eventually he abandoned me by the roadside just outside of town –the Rolls Royce didn’t drive off so much as just vanish into thin air,” says Brenda. “I had to walk a three miles to find a bus stop. I didn’t tell anyone about what had happened at the time as I thought that nobody would believe such a wild story. Then I heard the stuff about him being a zombie and I knew that I had to come forward to set the record straight!”

Friends, relatives and former colleagues of the dead DJ have been quick to rubbish the claims that Savile was either a zombie nonce or a phantom kiddie fiddler. “These allegations that he’s going around molesting young girls are clearly outrageous lies,” retired BBC sound engineer Ron Upprod – who had worked on Savile’s Radio One show in the 1970s – tells the TV programme makers. “Everybody knows that Jimmy was into necrophilia – it’s been all over the internet for years, for God’s sake, even before he was dead! Why else would he have spent all that time hanging around hospitals doing his ‘charity work’, eh?” Others have pointed out that these are just the latest in a long line of unproven allegations of sexual misconduct that have been made against Savile over the years. “They couldn’t prove anything when Jimmy was alive – both the police and the Crown Prosecution Service decided that there was insufficient evidence to bring charges,” Arnold Wang, a close friend of the late entertainer observes in the documentary. “So now all these haters have come up with these insane allegations when he can’t defend himself. Look, I’m not saying Jimmy wasn’t some kind of weirdo. After all, what normal person would have spent their life in a shell suit, with bleached blonde hair uttering gibberish that passed for catch phrases? But being a freak doesn’t mean that he was also a nonce!”

However, alleged victims of Sir Jimmy maintain that he was a monster: both in life and death. “That bastard molested me when he was alive, then came back from the grave and did it to me all over again,” claims Francine – not her real name – at the climax of the documentary. “Obviously, I didn’t ever say anything about the first time – not only did I have no evidence or witnesses, but do you know how wealthy he was? He would have sued the fuck out of me! But now he’s dead and still at it, it is a different story!” Rebecca, Francine, Brenda and other victims are highly critical of the authorities for failing to act over their claims. Indeed, the Metropolitan police have confirmed that have not spoken to Savile about any of the allegations since his death and have no future plans to interview him. In the face of such indifference, fears of vigilante action are growing, with Scarborough council confirming that it is stepping up security at Woodlands cemetery, where Sir Jimmy is buried. “We’ve heard rumours of plans to dig up his corpse and hang it from a lamppost,” says a spokesperson. “Which, obviously, would be an appalling mistake. Decapitation or a stake through the heart are the best ways to deal with the undead.”