Tag: science

Coming of the Sex Bots

Should sex robots looking like children be banned? Experts warn of potential perils posed by realistic sex bots, including rape and sexual harassment by proxy. Should they only be playthings of wealthy rapists, or available to the masses to facilitate redistribution of sexual intercourse?

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Mechanized Labour

Are senior Labour party figures secretly planning to replace Jeremy Corbyn and Tom Watson with robots? Leadership ‘upgrade’ seen as essential after trials show mechanical leadership more charismatic and popular with voters.

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Rise of the Robots

Experts warn that within years robots will be able to carry out any human job. Where next for humanity, as even robot beggars predicted for near future?

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Invisible Trump

Is Donald Trump’s bid for the White House being sabotaged by an invisible man? Incredible claims that invisible saboteur real culprit behind groping allegations!

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Dumping Europe

Right wingers demand EU ‘clean beaches’ regulations be abolished post-‘Brexit’, Demand right to dump British sewage on British beaches without EU interference. Suggestions that immigrants’ excrement should be repatriated to countries of origin.

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No Sex Please!

Man banned from having sexual intercourse without giving police forty eight hours notice. Authorities claim his orgasms so powerful they induce frenzied sexual activity in anyone in close proximity.

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Robot Jihad

Is alleged ‘Robot Suicide Bomber’ that took out episode of ‘Robot Wars’ vanguard of new ‘Techno Terror’ campaign by Isis? Fears that household appliances could be reprogrammed into killers by radicalised repair men after housewife suffers near fatal washing machine assault.

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Blue Heaven

Is Tory Government Siphoning Off Public Funds in Guise of Spending Cuts to Build Space Station Haven? ‘Blue Heaven’ Project to Provide Top Tories with Luxury Refuge After Trashing UK.

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Bad Weather

Is main bidder for BBC weather forecasting contract involved in manipulating weather to fix outcome of sporting events for shady Far Eastern betting syndicates? Amazing claims made by investigative journalist!

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Rogue Reapers

Have Experimental Autonomous Killer Drones Gone Rogue in UK? Government Denies Series of Attacks on Asian Businesses and 4×4 Dealerships Down to ‘Rogue Reapers’.

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Frozen Assets

Tory scheme to cryogenically freeze long-term unemployed to save of benefits payments exposed! Government plans to thaw out frozen assets as required by state of economy!

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Super Sex Fiends

Were Notorious Sex Fiends Jimmy Savile and Rolf Harris the Result of Secret British Government Experiments? Top Scientist Claims Pair’s Super Powers Allowed Them to Offend on Unprecedented Scale!

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Machine Politics

Are Britain’s Political Leaders Robots Dedicated to Destruction of Mankind? Top Tech Writer Claims Machine Politics of Tories Dehumanising Population in Readiness for Total Robot Takeover!

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Dimensional Deficit

Do Tory Plans to Use Large Hadron Collider to Shift UK into Deficit-Free Dimension Threaten Fabric of Reality? Scientist Warns Experiment Could Unleash Hordes of Extra-Dimensional Monsters onto Britain’s Streets.

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Sex Machina

Advanced Sex Robot Sensationally Accuses Man of Rape! Incredible Scenes at Old Bailey as Court Deliberates Whether a Sentient Machine can Withhold Consent!

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What Lies Beneath

Were UK’s Recent Earthquakes Caused by the Mole Men? Rogue Geologist Claims Underground Dwellers Retaliating for Damage Caused by Fracking. Press Fears Mole Men Activities Could Depress House Prices.

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