Tag: science

Alien Excrement

Is giant asteroid alien spaceship or alien excrement? Top astro-plumber claims Oumuamua is actually huge extraterrestrial turd excreted by gigantic aliens. Demands earth authorities take immediate action to address risk of planet being devastated by alien steamer strikes.

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Call of the Monstrous

Local council broadcasts mating calls of infamous monsters in hope of attracting them to town. Plans to cash in on international reconstruction funds when town destroyed by rampaging sex mad giant creatures.

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Body Shoppers

Was company behind UK body parts scandal planning to set up online ‘body shopping’ site? Extraordinary claims that target ‘body shoppers’ would have included mad scientists, necrophiliacs and shady clinics catering to the ultra rich.

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Is Meat Murder?

Militant vegans eaten by lions as they shout ‘Meat is Murder’ at big cats. Anti carnivore group affirms ambition to ‘convert’ predatory animals to vegetarianism. RSPCA brands ‘carnivore conversion’ programme ‘animal cruelty’ as allegedly successful subjects die of malnutrition.

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They Saved Diana’s Brain

Did surgeons save Princess Diana’s brain on night of fatal Paris car crash? New documentary film makes extraordinary claim that Diana’s brain still lives and exerts telepathic influence over her family!

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Coming of the Sex Bots

Should sex robots looking like children be banned? Experts warn of potential perils posed by realistic sex bots, including rape and sexual harassment by proxy. Should they only be playthings of wealthy rapists, or available to the masses to facilitate redistribution of sexual intercourse?

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Mechanized Labour

Are senior Labour party figures secretly planning to replace Jeremy Corbyn and Tom Watson with robots? Leadership ‘upgrade’ seen as essential after trials show mechanical leadership more charismatic and popular with voters.

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Rise of the Robots

Experts warn that within years robots will be able to carry out any human job. Where next for humanity, as even robot beggars predicted for near future?

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Invisible Trump

Is Donald Trump’s bid for the White House being sabotaged by an invisible man? Incredible claims that invisible saboteur real culprit behind groping allegations!

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Dumping Europe

Right wingers demand EU ‘clean beaches’ regulations be abolished post-‘Brexit’, Demand right to dump British sewage on British beaches without EU interference. Suggestions that immigrants’ excrement should be repatriated to countries of origin.

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No Sex Please!

Man banned from having sexual intercourse without giving police forty eight hours notice. Authorities claim his orgasms so powerful they induce frenzied sexual activity in anyone in close proximity.

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Robot Jihad

Is alleged ‘Robot Suicide Bomber’ that took out episode of ‘Robot Wars’ vanguard of new ‘Techno Terror’ campaign by Isis? Fears that household appliances could be reprogrammed into killers by radicalised repair men after housewife suffers near fatal washing machine assault.

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Blue Heaven

Is Tory Government Siphoning Off Public Funds in Guise of Spending Cuts to Build Space Station Haven? ‘Blue Heaven’ Project to Provide Top Tories with Luxury Refuge After Trashing UK.

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Bad Weather

Is main bidder for BBC weather forecasting contract involved in manipulating weather to fix outcome of sporting events for shady Far Eastern betting syndicates? Amazing claims made by investigative journalist!

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Rogue Reapers

Have Experimental Autonomous Killer Drones Gone Rogue in UK? Government Denies Series of Attacks on Asian Businesses and 4×4 Dealerships Down to ‘Rogue Reapers’.

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Frozen Assets

Tory scheme to cryogenically freeze long-term unemployed to save of benefits payments exposed! Government plans to thaw out frozen assets as required by state of economy!

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