Is Michael Gove using his hypnotic powers for evil? Journalist claims top Tory using mesmeric gaze to get women to undress, delude voters into voting for Brexit and convincing nation that Boris Johnson is actually Prime Minister. Allegations dismissed as ridiculous by mesmerised media.
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As environmentalist battle to clean up latest porn spillage to hit Britain’s beaches, experts ask if vast quantities of contraband European porn washing up on the coast is result of Brexit? Tory MPS. meanwhile, propose temporary visa scheme to alleviate current Brexit-inspired shortages of continental sex workers and mistresses.
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Are arsonists the forgotten victims of Britain’s petrol panic buying crisis? Expert claims lack of petrol supplies causing significant reduction in deliberate fires – costing professional arsonists thousands in fees. As arsonists turn to alternative accelarants, fears that shortages of meths will cause anguish for down and outs.
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New fundamentalist terror group vows to be maddest mad bastards in world of terrorism. Dissatisfied with ‘too liberal’ approach of groups like Taliban, Mad Fundamentalist Bastards promises more extreme and senseless atrocities in the name of Holiness.
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Will government plans to make Heavy Goods Vehicle licences easier to obtain result in increased carnage on Britain’s roads? Safety campaigners fear diluting the qualifications will result in dangerous drivers, terrorists and the medically unfit joining the sex offenders, serial killers and morons currently behind the wheels of Britain’s trucks.
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Are the mobs of ill-informed idiots swarming onto the streets to protest non-existent lockdowns and life-saving vaccines an analogy for modern Britain? They are clearly furious about something, but they just aren’t sure what, exactly – but whatever it is, they want it stopped…
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Did Dracula end his days as a drug addled vagrant on the streets of London? New book claims legendary bloodsucker brought low after imbibing blood of coked up City types during 1980s. Also alleges Frankenstein’s monster now a cripple due to dodgy organ transplants and mummy hit with reincarnation restraining order.
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Does the UK media actually control football transfers and decide Premier League title? Astonishing claims by top tabloid sports journalist that secret cabal of soccer writers create football’s narrative rather than reporting facts. Alleges similar cabal controls Britain’s political narrative, secretly deciding election and leadership contest outcomes.
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New reality TV show draws criticism for bringing together representatives of various extremist ideologies on ‘Hate Island’ in order to see if they can form liaisons. Viewers get to vote on ‘best’ and ‘worst’ extremists to find winning couple. Passions run high as Klan member uses blazing cross to warn Nation of Islam representative off of relationship with QAnon supporter.
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New book sensationally claims Boris Johnson’s sexual prowess actually a myth. Alleges the Johnson ‘Johnson’ not up to the job. Tabloid story counter claims Prime Minister so rampant that he used recent self-isolation period to stage fourteen day ‘shag fest’ at Chequers.
Read MoreParanormal Investigator, Exorcist and Agony Aunt The Reverend Leonard Fanny advises readers on their supernatural problems. This time, a concerned lover asks if sex with a devil in a heatwave is so exhausting, how can they hope to continue the relationship in the fires of Hell? Can the Rev help?
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Controversial unofficial statue of Princess Diana doing it ‘doggie style’ with soldier destroyed by council after causing outrage. Latest example of ‘guerilla art’ portraying public figures and politicians in unflattering poses sparks debate as to whether works constitute art, political statement or just gratuitous public offense.
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An epic journey through back pain takes in Norwegian Black Metal, church burning, nihilism and intrusive social media. Just where do the likes of Facebook and You Tube get their data for their personalised ‘recommendations’? Can viewing Black Metal videos frustrate their intrusive surveillance?
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Does grainy footage of ‘Westminster Wild Man’ prove Boris Johnson transmutating into sex crazed ape creature? Top academic offers bizarre theory of diabolic pact whereby Prime Minister maintains animal virility as captive ape in his attic takes on his human characteristics!
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UK-EU ‘Sausage War’ kicks off as Nigel Farage attempts to drive German sausage sellers from British streets. Former UKIP leader accused of treachery after allegedly being seen eating Bratwurst whilst wearing false moustache – angry mob pelts him with British bangers.
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Was Boris Johnson’s secret wedding ceremony actually a Satanic ritual? Ex-priest makes shocking claims of naked ceremony presided over by horned and cloven hoofed Michael Gove and culminating in newlyweds copulating on altar. Has Prime Minister made diabolical pact with Prince of Darkness?
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