According to a top psychologist, TV entertainer turned convicted sex offender Rolf Harris’s victims aren’t just confined to those unfortunate women he sexually molested. Professor Roger Persil claims that many Britons feel traumatised by the fact that their cherished childhood memories of watching Harris have now been irrevocably tainted by his horrendous sex crimes. “His conviction has turned these memories from something joyful to something sick and sinister,” he told the Daily Norks. “Where once they could only see innocent fun when they remembered these things, now they can only think of him sexually assaulting women.” A number of these new ‘victims’ have described the confusion and pain they have experienced as a result of Rolf Harris’ conviction. “There are just so many things I used to associate with a happy childhood which instead now fill me with horror,” fifty two year old Kettering letting agent Kirsty Rampart told a recent local radio phone-in. “Kangaroos, for instance, have now become a symbol of sexual assault. Instead of thinking of them as exotic beasts, hopping across the Australian landscape with kindly ‘Uncle’ Rolf Harris, I can now only think of them as evil sexual predators, grabbing small children, stuffing them in their pouches, so that they can molest them at will!” Rampart recently pleaded temporary insanity when she appeared at Kettering Magistrates Court, charged with shooting several of the local zoo’s kangaroos with a crossbow. She received a conditional discharge.
“They were staring at me, twitching their noses at me in a menacing fashion,” she explained. “Suddenly, instead of marsupials, all I could see was an army of Rolf Harrises advancing on me! It was just lucky that I had that crossbow to hand, or God knows what they might have done to me!” She has also claimed that the sound of the digeridoo now strikes terror into her. “What was once a wonderful sound conjuring up visions of the outback, now brings me nightmare images of being bent across a table and relentlessly bum-raped by a hugely bearded pervert,” she told the phone-in, her voice quavering with emotion. “Only last week, whilst I was walking down the High Street here in Kettering, I heard the distant notes of one being blown – I immediately burst into tears and wet myself, before running screaming for the safety of my car!”
Others have suffered even more severe reactions, with forty seven year old Plymouth sales manager Kirk Humpler telling his local Magistrates Court of how he punched out an eleven year old girl who was playing a stylophone – the electronic musical instrument popularised by Rolf Harris – at a bus stop. “She just wouldn’t bloody stop, I just saw red,” he told the Court. “I saw Rolf Harris advertising stylophones as a kid and pestered my parents until they bought me one for Christmas one year – I loved it! I plated it all the time, but since he was convicted every time I hear one played, instead of music, I just hear the screams of his victims as he molested them with the instrument’s stylus!” Humpler escaped with a suspended sentence after telling the court of how his post Rolf Harris conviction trauma had affected his family life, admitting that he had terrified his children after going berserk when a Warner Brothers cartoon came on the TV. “I used to love watching him on ‘Cartoon Time’ when I was a kid,” he sobbed from the dock. “Seeing Foghorn Leghorn like that just made so angry at the way his sex crimes have tainted those memories – instead of a man-sized rooster, all I saw was a bearded Australian doing unspeakable things to young women! I just flipped and threw the TV out of the window and smashed up the furniture!”
So many cases of of alleged ‘post traumatic Harris disorder’ have now been cited by defendants accused of violent crimes that there have been suggestions that it has now become the ‘catch all’ defence for thugs. “It used to be childhood traumas, or suppressed memories of sexual assault that were the fashionable defences for mindless violence,” opined retired judge Julian Fruitnutt in the Daily Excess. “Nowadays they’ve dispensed with the claims of actual trauma and are instead trying to excuse their criminality by blaming it on the influence of sexual assaults carried out on complete strangers by another complete stranger!” His Honour Judge Fruinutt noted that Rolf Harris wasn’t the only disgraced 1970s TV personality whose sex crimes were being used as a defence by offenders. “Only last week there was a case of ram-raiding where the defendant claimed that he’d driven his car through a shop window after hearing Showaddywaddy playing on the radio,” he explained. “He claimed that he associated that particular record with it being introduced by Jimmy Savile on Top of The Pops and that Savile’s sex crimes had so tainted those memories that he became momentarily traumatised and lost control of the vehicle! Quite ridiculous!”
For Professor Persil, such cases serve simply to underline the true evil of Rolf Harris and his fellow miscreants from seventies TV. “Even though Harris has now been locked away for his crimes and Savile is dead, they are still ruining people’s lives. The bastards!” he claimed in the Daily Norks, rejecting Fruitnutt’s theory. “But the most extraordinary thing about these cases – and many others like them – is that none of the people suffering these traumas had even met Harris, let alone been molested by him! That’s the mark of true evil – that his corrupt influence can even touch complete strangers!” Persil has even speculated the Top Gear presenter and bell end Jeremy Clarkson’s recent meltdown, during which he allegedly punched a BBC producer, could have been triggered by a Rolf Harris related traumatic flashback. “Who knows, perhaps the producer he allegedly struck had a Rolf Harris-type beard, or was playing a wobble board,” the psychiatrist mused in his Daily Norks article. “The subconscious connection with Harris could have made Clarkson snap and lash out!”