Former Washington insider Dick Dolcelatte’s recent claims that former President George Bush Snr was connected to ‘Deep Throat’ have caused confusion amongst the US public, with many condemning the veteran politician for what they saw as a gross error of judgement. “Frankly, I’m amazed,” Kentucky gas station attendant Joe Spence told us. “What was he thinking of – a senior politician and future President, appearing in a porno movie?” Others were more forgiving, believing that the ‘Deep Throat’ connection, actually reflected well on the former President. “Hell, if I’d known the old goat was up to that kind of thing, I might have voted for him,” declares Hank Mole, a Minneapolis delivery driver. “Maybe he had more lead in his pencil than Clinton after all!” Frozen food executive James Cobb was more ambivalent in his response. “Which one was he?” asks the New Yorker. “If he was the guy who lets her have it in the kitchen, with his old man between two halves of a French stick, then I’m impressed – she nearly chokes to death and still only gets eight inches of it in her mouth! But if he was that guy she gives head to from under the desk as he’s taking a class, I’d be worried that the security of the free world once rested in the hands of someone who can’t even get it to half-mast when they’re getting a BJ!”

Political commentators seem equally confused by the revelations, with many trying to play down the porn angle and condemning the general public’s ignorance of their own country’s recent history. “This is just a crude attempt by an embittered ex-employee to get revenge on his former employer by implicating him in the Watergate scandal,” explains veteran political commentator Jacob Keister, who claims the only porn connection to the claims lies with Dolcelatte himself. “Dolcelatte’s had it in for Bush Snr ever since he was sacked by him for using CIA surveillance equipment to produce his own porn flicks back in ’91. He’d had even succeeded in getting the orbit of a spy satellite changed so as to try and snap some pictures of Michelle Pfeiffer sunbathing topless in her back garden – selling those to the tabloids would have been as good as a pension fund!” However, others are less certain. “I can see how some people could get confused – when I first read it I thought that Dolcelatte was claiming Bush was ‘Deep Throat’, the mysterious Watergate informant. But that’s just ludicrous! Everyone knows that Bush wasn’t even in Washington in 1972 – he was on the West Coast shooting a porno flick,” says Rick Wedge, former showbiz reporter and now political correspondent for men’s magazine Bollocks. “According to my sources, there was a CIA cover-up instigated when Bush was the Agency’s Director – he was preparing the ground for his Presidential bid by burying anything in his past which could alienate the religious right! They had Bush digitally removed from every frame of Deep Throat and replaced with another actor! Dolcelatte was framed when he uncovered the porn scandal and threatened to go to the press with it!”

The porn connection is given further credence by Professor Tony Frenum, head of film studies at the Las Vegas University and an expert on 1970s exploitation movies. “The great adult movie classics of the 1970s all have very deep political subtexts,” explains the academic. “The Devil in Miss Jones, for instance, was an analogy for Nixon’s attempts at d├ętente with the communist block, with ‘The Teacher’ representing the US, showing Russia and China, in the form of Miss Jones, the world of sensual pleasure (i.e. capitalist consumerism), that she denied herself during her life. It’s ending offers a critique of the temptations of capitalism, as she is left spending eternity futilely attempting to pleasure herself – the ultimate pointlessness of western materialism!”

Indeed, he believes that the film Deep Throat itself played a crucial role in Washington Post reporters’ Woodward and Bernstein’s uncovering of the Watergate scandal. “The way I heard it, Woodward and Bernstein caught Deep Throat at a late showing shortly after they initially covered the Watergate break-in and immediately recognised the analogy between a woman with a clitoris in her throat, and Nixon’s screwing over of the US,” Frenum contends. “Obviously, a woman who can only get sexual satisfaction through oral sex, effectively being deprived of her power of speech in the process, is an obvious parallel of the fundamental dichotomy of 1970s America. The oral sex is clearly intended to represent loss of truly free speech as the price for prosperity in Nixon’s America. Nixon literally shafts America, which cannot protest because her mouth is full of his genitals. Understanding this blew the whole Watergate scandal wide open for Woodward and Bernstein. Naturally, they referred to their mysterious source as ‘Deep Throat’! ‘Deep Throat’ was Deep Throat!

But exactly what is George Bush Snr’s connection with the whole affair – is there any truth behind Dolcelatte’s allegations linking him to the porn industry? “You have to remember that we’re talking about the early ’70s here – the Cold War was still on, and a lot of weird shit was being sponsored by the government. It’s no secret that they clandestinely financed porno flicks for showing in the Eastern Bloc, to try and show the kids there how capitalist free-market sex was superior to the state sponsored and highly regulated procreation they had there,” explains Rick Wedge. “Apparently, Nixon himself agreed to appear in some of these flicks – with titles like Oval Orifice and West Wang – to demonstrate the virility of Western leaders, compared to the tired old men the Reds had in charge. He enjoyed it so much he decided to go legit and agreed to play Satan in The Devil in Miss Jones, but only on the proviso he had the final say on casting. According to industry rumour, he felt so threatened by Texas beefcake George Bush, he had him turned down for the role of ‘The Teacher’!” In a fit of pique, Bush stormed off and got a part in Deep Throat, ensuring that it’s script was revised to include the obvious political subtext exposing Nixon’s role in the Watergate affair.

However, most other political commentators remain unconvinced, pointing out that Dolcelatte – now a successful adult film distributor – himself has subsequently admitted that his claims, (made in a posting entitled ‘Did Bush Blow Dick?’on an online porn movie fan forum), were made when he was drunk and contain no truth whatsoever. “That just goes to prove the allegations are true,” opines Wedge. “They’ve obviously got to him and another cover-up is in progress – I bet that if you checked out The Devil in Miss Jones now, you’d find no trace of Nixon in it any more!”