Of course Boris Johnson didn’t squeeze that woman’s thigh – he actually groped her arse, fondled her breasts and stuck his fingers up her fanny, nobody has claimed. I have to emphasise that I have no evidence any of this happened, both for legal purposes and just in case any of those right wing snowflakes are reading this. You know the types I mean – always whining on about how people are being rude about their Nazi heroes or are criticising Brexit or whatever. Either that or they are whingeing about how it is ‘political correctness gone mad’ that they aren’t allowed to stone homosexuals to death any more and have to be polite to ‘blokes in dresses’. Snowflakes. I mean, that’s what everyone means by ‘snowflake’, isn’t it? Right wing cry babies who are overly sensitive to criticism? Because they are always the ones I see getting upset about this sort of thing. Just sayin’. That’s something they say, isn’t it? When they’ve just posted something stupid and offensive on Twitter, so as to try and give the impression that they are just stating an obvious truth, they add that as a hash tag. Usually accompanied by an emoji with a shit-eating grin. So maybe I should post all that stuff about Boris Johnson groping random women on Twitter, with that hash tag and emoji.

Because, you know, I’m just exercising my right to free speech, aren’t I? That’s something else they say to defend anything offensive they say or write, isn’t it? You see, this is what we need to do: start using the right’s tactics to get back at them. Steal all their shitty defences and phrases and use them to justify ourselves every time we call them Nazis and the like. Before you know it, the snowflakes will be whining on about ‘cultural appropriation’. So, let’s make a start: ‘That Boris Johnson is such an amusing chap – I wonder if the fat bastard will look so jolly swinging from the end of a rope?’ #justsayin! Or even: ‘That Jacob Rees-Mogg always look smart and well turned out – I wonder if the snooty little shit will look so dapper when we string him up from a lamppost?’ #justsayin! (You’ll just have to take my word for it that I’m now giving a shit-eating grin, like that emoji). I’ve no doubt that the right wing snowflakes are already having the vapours, outraged by my incitements of violence against their heroes. But hey, like I said, I’m just exercising my right to free speech. Besides, it is just a joke, what’s the matter snowflakes – no sense of humour?

But, to be slightly serious, there does seem to be an overriding agenda in the media that any criticism of the right constitutes outrageous lies and/or oversensitivity on the part of the left to things that are ‘accepted’ norms. By contrast, racist, sexist, homophobic etc statements and behaviour on the part of the right are merely statements of ‘common sense’ and complaining about them is denying the right to ‘free speech’. Of course the likes of the BBC like to claim that they do strive to achieve ‘balance’ in their political reporting. In practice, this means establishing ‘equivalence’ in terms of their reporting, by, for instance, always having someone on to represent the ‘other’ view or put forward the ‘other’ argument when reporting issues. Unfortunately, the ‘equivalence’ supposedly established is anything but. All too often, their desperation to establish a ‘balanced’ view of political issues results in a desperation on their part to show that both sides are as bad as each other. As an example, the other day I read a piece on the BBC News website which presented the results of an investigation into the prevalence of violent language and even death threats toward ‘Remain’ politicians on private Facebook pro-leave groups. Now, it should come as no surprise, bearing in mind the tone set by Boris Johnson and his cronies in the Commons, that there is lots of talk online about hanging anyone pro EU, especially MPs.

But the article’s author then decided (or was told by the editorial team) that some ‘equivalence’ was required, lest the impression be given that same ‘leavers’ are fanatical thugs with murder in mind. So, it went on to claim that it had also uncovered similar violent talk in pro-Remain private groups. Except that what they then published was in no way equivalent to the actual death threats being made in the ;leave’ groups. Instead, it all focused on Johnson’s own declaration that he’d ‘rather be dead in a ditch’ than not leave the EU on 31 October, with the usual sort ‘OK, I’ll dig the ditch for him’ sort of comments. None of which actually constituted a death threat. Rather, it is simply a case of using a politician’s own over the top words against them for satirical purpose. So, by the BBC’s reckoning, my own earlier talk of Tory politicians swinging from ropes is merely a case of ‘equivalence’ – I’m just trying to establish some balance with the bloodthirsty Brexiteers.

In the US the situation with regard to criticising power seems even worse, or so it seems to me, as a casual observer. There, the legitimacy of any criticism of the president is deemed illegitimate by a large section of the media and general population because he won a democratic election and the losers just have to accept that. Criticism is dismissed as ‘sour grapes’ on the part of the Democrats. There seems to be no concept of political opposition, where the opposition party seeks to hold the government to account. Nowadays there even seems to a general ignorance of the constitutional role of Congress itself, which is to exercise checks and balances on the executive. Not that it is much better here, with all this ‘People vs Parliament’ nonsense being peddled by Johnson and his storm troopers (#justsayin!, hey). Just lately, for the first time in living memory, we’ve witnessed parliament doing its intended job: to hold the government to account and ensure that legislation detrimental to the national interest isn’t passed. Anybody who truly loves democracy should be celebrating, not criticising. #justsayin!

Doc Sleaze