Tag: supernatural

My Mother the Transgender Ghost

Can gender fluidity exist beyond the grave? Can spirits ‘cross over’ after they cross over? Man sues local medium after dead mother’s spirit manifests itself – but in male form.

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I Fought Hitler’s Ghost

London man claims he was assaulted by Hitler’s ghost following his steamy affair with the spirit of Eva Braun. Charged with affray following ferocious battle in high Street with phantom Fuhrer.

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Ancient Idiots?

Is the mysterious codex of the Fifteenth Century Voynich Manuscript just gibberish? New TV series claims document, at best, semi-pornographic doodlings of bored medieval student. Further alleges that ancient Mayan art produced under influence of powerful hallucinogens rather than representing alien visitors.

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I Buried Santa!

Was Santa killed and replaced by double in 1996? Astonishing claims by ‘Santa is Dead’ conspiracy theorists that Santa replaced by Jesus after being hit by van while delivering presents! ‘I buried Santa’ claims former van driver!

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Never Say Di

Former Royal medium reveals Princess Diana’s sensational post-mortem affairs. TV station condemned for airing recordings of seances in which Lady Di chronicles afterlife assignations with Errol Flynn and John Lennon.

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Fire Down Below

Paranormal Investigator, Exorcist and Agony Aunt The Reverend Leonard Fanny advises readers on their supernatural problems. This time, a reader fears ‘fire down below’ during sex thanks to her pyrokinetic powers. Can the Rev help?

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Zombie Justice

Should convicted criminals who die before they’ve completed their sentences be brought back from the grave to finish their punishment? Newspaper suggests voodoo be employed to bring back as zombies offenders attempting to cheat justice through death.

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Medical Magic

Government plans to break junior doctors’ dispute by using blackleg alternative medical practitioners, including voodoo priests, spiritualists and shamans, revealed. Patients complain of use of animal sacrifices instead of pharmaceuticals.

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Destroy All Beards

Are HIpster Beards Really Alien Parasites? Is Human Race’s Only Hope a Salesman Capable of Destroying Horrible Hipster Beards Through the Power of His Mind?

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Christmas Curse!

English Village Gripped by Fear Every Christmas as Non-Festive Residents Brutally Murdered by Mystery Assailant! Is ‘Christmastein Monster’ Responsible for Yule Themed Slayings?

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The Haunted Trousers

Are Man’s Trousers Haunted by Evil Spirit of Sex Offender? Exorcism Performed on Possessed Pantaloons Following Paranormal Phenomena in Groin Area, Including Ectoplasm and Bizarre Bulging!

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Corbyn’s Coven

Is Labour Leader Jeremy Corbyn High Priest of a Powerful Witches’ Coven? Astonishing Claims From Tory Back Bencher Who Alleges that Corbyn Plans to Destroy Britain Through Black Magic.

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Eastern Evil

Are Eastern European Immigrants Vampires and Werewolves Literally Draining UK’s Lifeblood? Extraordinary UKIP Claims on Eve of General Election!

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Collateral Damage

Did Combat Trauma Cause Ex-Soldier’s Deadly Gun Attack on Neighbours’ Guy Fawkes Party ? Claims Fireworks Caused Flashback to Afghanistan. Did Supernatural Trauma Cause Drunk’s Attack on Trick or Treaters? Claims Costumes Caused Flashback to Transylvania Monster Attack.

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The Haunting of Simon Cowell

Panic at X Factor as Producers Hold Seances to Try and Contact Simon Cowell after Judge Vanishes Following Exorcism at His Mansion! Has Supercilious Pop Impresario Been Exorcised by Mistake, or Kidnapped by Evil Spirits?

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The Ghost Gropers

Does Saying Jimmy Savile’s Name Five Times Summon Sex Offender’s Ghost? Fears that Britain’s Youth Putting Themselves in Supernatural Sex Peril as Dangerous Halloween Craze Sweeps Nation!

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