Is Boris Johnson planning to ambush President Putin with cake in order to provoke war as a distraction from ‘partygate’? Is phantom cake-flinger terrorising cabinet ministers? Official investigation into alleged cake attacks dismissed as yet another attempt to distract voters from lockdown parties scandal.
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Does the UK media actually control football transfers and decide Premier League title? Astonishing claims by top tabloid sports journalist that secret cabal of soccer writers create football’s narrative rather than reporting facts. Alleges similar cabal controls Britain’s political narrative, secretly deciding election and leadership contest outcomes.
Read MoreAs UK goes into lockdown, popular culture struggles to deal with restrictions imposed by social distancing rules in order to ensure that it is show business as usual. Proposals for gossip columnists to simulate celebrity incidents with dolls while suggestions that football season be continued via Subuteo mooted.
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Constitutional crisis or cobblers? Will Prince Harry and Meghan’s decision to renounce royal life and live on council estate in Slough result in end of the monarchy as we know it? Royal experts disagree as to consequences of Harry becoming Uber driver.
Read MoreIs Jeff Bezos’ penis about to bring down Trump? Amazon boss calls Trump-supporting tabloid’s bluff, daring them to publish illicitly obtained ‘below the belt’ photos of the billionaire. Does ‘smoking wang’ point toward President?
Read MoreMatch Made in Heaven? Top tabloid announces plans to create own celebrity couple, with exclusive rights to stream entire relationship, reality TV-style. Every significant event, from first intercourse to eventual spectacular break up will be available to subscribers.
Read MoreWho are the mystery celebrities protected by latest super injunctions? Are they actually dead – but only for tax purposes? Tabloid makes sensational claims!
Read MoreBritish Tabloid Axes Topless Page Three Girls in Face of Competition From Free Online Porn. Admits There Are Insufficient Numbers of Technologically Illiterate Perverts to Justify Continuation of Fixture.
Read MoreTabloid’s Serial Killer Themed Competition Condemned by Police! Readers Offered Chance to Win Myra Hindley’s Grave-Robbed Body Parts for Naming Celebrity Most Likely to Be Murdered by a Serial Killer!
Read MoreTop Tabloid Offers Readers’ Opportunity to Download and Print in 3-D Page Three Girls’ Breasts! Rival Responds With Offer for Readers to Print Out in Plastic Female Celebrities’ Private Parts!
Read MoreDid The Queen Pose Naked for Amateur Photographer? Top Tabloid’s Editorial Judgement Called into Question Following Admission that Royal Exclusive is Simply Latest in Series of Stories Bought From Sex Offenders!
Read MoreWas News of the World Behind 9/11 Attacks? More Astonishing Revelations About Conduct of Doomed Tabloid as Ex-Employee Claims Newspaper ‘Groomed’ Serial KIller For Exclusive Headlines!
Read MoreSalford Man Claims Top Premiership Footballer Behind Public Exposure of His Extra-Marital Affairs! Alleges Poster Campaign Namimg and Shaming Him as Adulterer is Tit-For-Tat Revenge for Breaking Super Injunction by Naming Footballer on Twitter!
Read MoreEcclesiastical Outrage Amid Claims That News of The World Tapped Mobile Phones of Top Bishops! ROgue Reporter Makes Amazing Claims of Leading Clergy Overheard Admitting Religion a Sham and Other Shocking Clerical Behaviour!
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