Constitutional crisis or cobblers? Will Prince Harry and Meghan’s decision to renounce royal life and live on council estate in Slough result in end of the monarchy as we know it? Royal experts disagree as to consequences of Harry becoming Uber driver.
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Is Jeff Bezos’ penis about to bring down Trump? Amazon boss calls Trump-supporting tabloid’s bluff, daring them to publish illicitly obtained ‘below the belt’ photos of the billionaire. Does ‘smoking wang’ point toward President?
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Match Made in Heaven? Top tabloid announces plans to create own celebrity couple, with exclusive rights to stream entire relationship, reality TV-style. Every significant event, from first intercourse to eventual spectacular break up will be available to subscribers.
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Who are the mystery celebrities protected by latest super injunctions? Are they actually dead – but only for tax purposes? Tabloid makes sensational claims!
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British Tabloid Axes Topless Page Three Girls in Face of Competition From Free Online Porn. Admits There Are Insufficient Numbers of Technologically Illiterate Perverts to Justify Continuation of Fixture.
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Tabloid’s Serial Killer Themed Competition Condemned by Police! Readers Offered Chance to Win Myra Hindley’s Grave-Robbed Body Parts for Naming Celebrity Most Likely to Be Murdered by a Serial Killer!
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Top Tabloid Offers Readers’ Opportunity to Download and Print in 3-D Page Three Girls’ Breasts! Rival Responds With Offer for Readers to Print Out in Plastic Female Celebrities’ Private Parts!
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Did The Queen Pose Naked for Amateur Photographer? Top Tabloid’s Editorial Judgement Called into Question Following Admission that Royal Exclusive is Simply Latest in Series of Stories Bought From Sex Offenders!
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Was News of the World Behind 9/11 Attacks? More Astonishing Revelations About Conduct of Doomed Tabloid as Ex-Employee Claims Newspaper ‘Groomed’ Serial KIller For Exclusive Headlines!
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Salford Man Claims Top Premiership Footballer Behind Public Exposure of His Extra-Marital Affairs! Alleges Poster Campaign Namimg and Shaming Him as Adulterer is Tit-For-Tat Revenge for Breaking Super Injunction by Naming Footballer on Twitter!
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Ecclesiastical Outrage Amid Claims That News of The World Tapped Mobile Phones of Top Bishops! ROgue Reporter Makes Amazing Claims of Leading Clergy Overheard Admitting Religion a Sham and Other Shocking Clerical Behaviour!
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Is Prime Minister David Cameron Being Blackmailed by Media Magnate Rupert Murdoch? Rogue Journalist’s Extraordinary Claims of Systematic Blackmail of Top Public Figures Denied by News Corp!
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Tabloid Claims Success in Solving High Profile Murder as Chief Suspect Commits Suicide Following Front Page Accusations! Outrage as Newspaper Applies Principles of Cheque Book Journalism to Crime Fighting!
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Public Outrage as Newspaper Proprietor Reveals Secret Experiments to Rip Headlines Directly From Readers’ Minds! Brains of Comatose Subjects Stimulated With Electrodes to Produce More Relevant Content!
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