“On the stroke of eleven, they just started tearing their clothes off and shouting ‘Peace through nudity’ – I just sort of got caught up in the moment, and started taking my own clothes off,” explains George Brummer, who was last week arrested for public indecency when police broke up what they describe as a ‘naked mob’ in a Buckinghamshire branch of furniture store Ikea. “I only went in there with the wife and kids to look at a new three piece suite – there was hardly anybody else in there until just before eleven, when all these people rushed into the store. They all seemed quite normal until they took their togs off!” By the time police arrived on the scene the mob had dissipated as quickly as it had appeared. “They were only able to catch a handful of them, the rest just put their clothes back on and vanished,” says Brummer, who was found by the police in the soft furnishings section, holding his penis whilst his horrified wife screamed uncontrollably. “I was rooted to the spot though – it was like I was in a trance!” This is just the latest in a series of incidents in which, all across Britain, mobs of apparently unconnected people have gathered in public places to strip off and chant the slogan ‘Peace Through Nudity’. Frequently, bystanders become caught up in the demonstrations, taking off their clothes and joining in the chant.
Sometimes these nude demonstrations can become violent, as in a recent incident on London’s Westminster Bridge. “I was taking this fare to Whitehall, when scores of pedestrian commuters suddenly tore their clothes off and started jumping all over vehicles,” says London cabbie Ted Nunn, describing the event. “They were pulling people off of buses and forcibly stripping them! I found my cab immobilised by some geezer sticking his todger up my exhaust! When I got out to deal with him, I found myself overwhelmed by the mob and stripped! It was most humiliating!” Like the Ikea riot, the Westminster Bridge incident ended as abruptly as it started, with the participants putting their clothes back on and melting back into the general populace. Despite appearances, police do not believe that these ‘nude mobs’ are spontaneous, suspecting that they are being meticulously planned. “We think it’s like ‘Flash Mobbing’, where large groups of people would be organised by mobile phone to just turn up at a particular location for a few minutes,” says a police spokesperson. “This new activity seems to be the work of a militant ‘New Age’ organisation known as the ‘Cosmic Brotherhood’ trying to force a change in Britain’s public indecency laws through mass demonstrations of public nudity!” However, George Brummer’s experiences subsequent to his arrest at the Ikea nude riot, suggest that there could be a far more bizarre explanation.
A few days after the riot, released on bail and forced to sleep in the garden shed by his disgruntled wife, Brummer had a strange encounter. “I answered a knock on the door of the shed to find this chap dressed in black and wearing dark glasses standing outside,” he explains. “He said he wanted to talk to me about the incident at Ikea. I naturally assumed he was from the police and invited him inside.” However, the stranger’s line of questioning proved to be somewhat unorthodox. “He asked me whether I liked to feel the sun on my naked body, the feel of the wind blowing through my pubic hair and the sensation of rain on my penis,” relates Brummer. “He then leant towards me and told me not to be afraid, as he was about to reveal something incredible to me – with that he dropped his trousers and whipped out his John Thomas! I was stupefied, not just by its size, but by the fact that it was wrapped in tin foil!” Mesmerised by the man in black’s foil-wrapped penis, Brummer listened as his visitor explained that he was from another world and represented a cosmic brotherhood of naturists.
“He said that they had eliminated war throughout the galaxy by shedding their clothes. Apparently, once one sees a potential enemy naked, they cease to be perceived as a threat and thoughts of love replace those of aggression,” explains Brummer. “He told me that the governments of earth were conspiring with arms and clothes manufacturers to conceal this fundamental truth so as to continue to profit from fully clothed conflict!” The stranger claimed that the cosmic naturists called participants to the ‘Peace Through Nudity’ events through ‘harmonic vibrations’ transmitted from their penises. “That’s why he had to keep his wrapped in foil – to stop the vibes it was giving off from causing random chaos! Once they are all gathered, they unleash an especially powerful blast from their bell ends to set it all off – they also watch to see if outsiders like me respond by stripping off,” says Brummer. “Obviously, he could see I was still sceptical, so he took off the foil – his penis immediately reared up and I felt a wave of incredible energy hit me! There was a blinding flash and the whole shed exploded! Next thing I knew, I was waking up in hospital with third-degree burns!”
Whilst Brummer’s account has been dismissed by both the authorities and his insurance company – who point out that he was storing highly flammable paint thinners in his shed – others have been quick to point out that his is not an isolated case. According to leading Ufologist Danny Bamsey, the cosmic naturists have been contacting selected earth people for many years. “Back in the early 1980s an Ascot housewife called Eileen Stark claimed that she had been visited by cosmic nudists,” he explains. According to a 1993 interview in the West London Flying Saucer Quarterly Digest, Mrs Stark had been called on at home one afternoon in 1981 by a tall fair-haired man in a black suit. “He claimed that he was the insurance man, he said the regular bloke was off sick, so I invited him into the kitchen for a cup of tea,” she said. “I turned round from the kettle and there he was – stark naked with his thing wrapped in foil! He advanced toward, me telling me that he was from another world and not to be afraid! When I was backed up against the washing machine he took off the foil and all hell broke loose! There was a huge rush of energy and every electrical appliance in the house came to life! The last thing I remember before becoming overcome by waves of ecstasy and blacking out is the washing machine on its spin cycle vibrating my buttocks!”
Eileen came to several hours later, lying naked on the kitchen floor. Whilst the stranger had vanished, he was soon to return, this time accompanied by his ‘superior’. “It was two weeks later – they arrived in a Ford Sierra. Apparently their spaceship had broken down outside Bracknell and they had to rent a car,” she claimed in the interview. “This time we went into the living room, where he told me that I had been selected to carry a child who would grow up to be a leader of their cause! He was going to impregnate me through the ‘harmonic vibrations’ of his thingy! The next thing I knew, I was lying on the floor naked with him on top of me as these unearthly vibrations coursed through my body! All the while, his ‘superior’ just sat on the sofa and watched, a slight smile on his face!” Shortly after this visit Eileen discovered that she was, indeed, pregnant and nine months later her son, David, was born. “You know the really spooky thing?” asks Bamsey. “The leader of the ‘Cosmic Brotherhood’ they’re blaming these nude demos on is called Dave Stark!”