Tag: entertainment

Taking Back the Streets

Man startled by ‘living statue’ vows to ‘take back the streets from the street entertainers’, Claims that public spaces increasingly cluttered by presence of untalented and intimidating street ‘performers’. War declared on jugglers, buskers, living statues and other ‘performers’ of no artistic merit.

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Match Made in Heaven?

Match Made in Heaven? Top tabloid announces plans to create own celebrity couple, with exclusive rights to stream entire relationship, reality TV-style. Every significant event, from first intercourse to eventual spectacular break up will be available to subscribers.

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Marriage of Inconvenience

Despite recent Royal Wedding boosting popularity of matrimony in the UK, growing numbers of single people continue to believe in inconvenience of marriage. Consequently, wedding-themed magazine proposes self-marriage service allowing singles to walk down the aisle with themselves.

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I Shagged Hitler’s Brains Out

Is new exploitation movie ‘I Shagged Hitler’s Brains Out’ pursuing a feminist agenda by depicting Hitler as a woman, or is it just a crude piece of misogyny, seeking to undermine the ‘#metoo’ movement?

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Pop Shots

Which Spice Girl is Your Masturbatory Fantasy? That’s the question we’re asking in our fabulous new competition as we try to lay to rest one of the great unanswered questions of the nineties – was it Spicy, Scary, Posh or Baby who inspired the most pop shots. For balance, we’re also asking the ladies – which celebrity has the biggest schlong?

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Overheard Conversations

Are the great British public actually a bunch of ill informed morons? With radio phone ins more popular than ever and social media allowing ordinary citizens to publicly express their opinions as never before, top academic claims that everything they say is utter, ill informed, bollocks. Should government actually be discouraging greater electoral engagement by the terminally ignorant?

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Halloween Sex Pests

Halloween – the time when ghosts, ghouls and celebrity sex offenders come out to play. Under cover of ‘trick or treat’, Hollywood’s top sex pests have often donned a spooky costumes to try and take advantage of unsuspecting lone women.

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Sex Offensive

Top therapist claims revolutionary treatment of sex addicts through use of sex bots. Technological ‘sex offensive’ will allegedly cure offenders by turning them into victims.

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Secrets of the Shed

Anger as ‘Sex Dungeon Shed’ disqualified from local heat of ‘Shed of the Year’ contest. Investigation uncovers secrets of Britain’s garden sheds as private prisons and sleazy photographic studios exposed as successful entrants in competition.

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Doctor in a Dress

As Doctor Who fans rage over character’s regeneration into a woman, former Who actor claims BBC tried to force him into sex change in 1970s. While gay fans claim gender change is homophobic plot to destroy gay icon, straight fans claim feminist plot to emasculate them.

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Total Bollocks Strikes Back

“It is completely untrue that we ever planned a story accusing Robert Robinson, Frank Muir and Patrick Campbell of behind the scenes sex romps with minors whilst recording Call My Bluff in the early seventies”. More completely unfounded celebrity gossip.

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Victims of Fame

Does fame obsessed media treat victims of non-celebrity sex offenders as ‘second class’? Victims’ group demands equal access to celebrity sex offenders for working class kids, to ensure high profile and potentially lucrative reporting of their stories.

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Naturist Naturalist

BBC wildlife presenter’s naked Malta rampage revealed! Did popular naturalist bare all to disrupt bird hunters? Tabloid alleges BBC nature programmes promoting naturism with calendar featuring presenters in provocative nude poses with animals!

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Shooting Wars

Low budget film director’s use of Syrian conflict for filming war movie raises fears of unscrupulous film makers prolonging and agitating conflicts to produce cheap action footage. Astounding claims that World War Two extended by two years for benefit of Hollywood studios! Was Vietnam War staged by CBS?

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Wheels of Terror

Was Westminster terror attacker radicalised by watching Top Gear? Incredible claims that attacker who used car as weapon actually militant motorist dedicated to taking back the streets for drivers. TV producers deny anti road safety agenda of motoring shows inspire automotive terrorism.

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