Hollywood Stars Declare War on ISIS in Retaliation for Terrorists Continued Failure to Acknowledge their Cultural Significance by Not Attacking Los Angeles. Claim latest Attacks in Paris Have Caused Extreme Trauma to their Egos.
Has Trauma of Sex Crimes Committed by Seventies TV Personalities Driven Their Former Fans to Crime? Defendants in Series of Violent Crimes Blame Rolf Harris and Jimmy Savile for Tainting Their Childhood Memories!
British Tabloid Axes Topless Page Three Girls in Face of Competition From Free Online Porn. Admits There Are Insufficient Numbers of Technologically Illiterate Perverts to Justify Continuation of Fixture.
Taxing Times as Britain’s Celebrities Strike Back Against Oppressive ‘Mansion Tax’. Celebrity Riots and Strike Action Predicted as Rich and Famous March in Protest at Threats to their Wealth and Privilege!
Panic at X Factor as Producers Hold Seances to Try and Contact Simon Cowell after Judge Vanishes Following Exorcism at His Mansion! Has Supercilious Pop Impresario Been Exorcised by Mistake, or Kidnapped by Evil Spirits?