“Now look, I wouldn’t want anyone to think that I was transphobic, homophobic or whatever, but you know, hasn’t all this gender fluidity stuff gone too far?” asks top online ‘influencer’ Kirk Kerkorvian in his latest video aimed at ‘real men’. “I mean, what with ‘pronouns’ and whatever, it’s getting to the stage where a guy can’t look at porn, let alone women generally, any more and know for sure that what he’s seeing is appropriate to his own sexual proclivities.” Kerkovian is no stranger to controversy, with his frequent railings against the rise of gay, trans and women’s rights which, he contends, have diluted ‘real’ manhood by forcing men to repress their ‘true’ feelings and opinions. Apparently triggered by the UK’s new Online Safety Act, with its requirement for age verification on porn sites, the influencer has now turned his focus to the supposed deleterious effect of gay and trans culture on pornography “Jesus, who wants to waste valuable time jerking off over what you think is some attractive woman, developing some elaborate sexual fantasy, only to find that they are actually a bloke in drag, or transgender or whatever?” he declares. “If you get to the vinegar stroke before realising, then it is a waste of good jism. If you realise before, then it is still the waste of a valuable erection, (which will immediately melt in your hands with the realisation that you’ve become aroused over the wrong thing).”
The rise of gay and trans porn, Kerkovian argues, simply represents the opening of another front in the war against masculinity. “They want to ruin porn – one of the last bastions of the ‘true man’ – now by flooding it with all of this stuff. Forcing us to look at naked guys bodies and worse still, naked guys pretending to be women,” he says. “This is the real reason that we now have to suffer this intrusive age verification nonsense – nobody worried about the kids when it was just good, wholesome, normal smut that they might see, but thanks to fears that they might see all this trans and gay filth, we’re having our rights restricted!” Children’s safety campaigners have rejected this characterisation of the origins of the Online Safety Act, pointing out that it was actually inspired by the proliferation of regular, heterosexual, porn sites promoting such things as ‘rough sex’ and sadomasochism which, it was feared, might be accessible to children. “Oh for God’s sake, what harm would seeing that sort of thing cause to kids?” Kerkovian responds. “It’s all perfectly natural, demonstrating the absolutely factual situation of men, quite correctly, dominating women. It is simply reflecting and reinforcing the natural order of things. Which, of course is what these gay-trans-femi-Nazis want to suppress! They ignore completely the fact that those sites where women give blokes a bloody good flogging are surely supporting a feminist perspective – so why are they against those as well, eh?”
Like many men left feeling confused by the modern world, Kerkorvian likes to invoke a ‘Golden Age’ of past days, when media and society in general, seemed to reinforce their own individual world view. “Whatever happened to the good old days when you knew where you stood with porn and erotica? When you knew exactly who it was exploiting? We had straight porn with women for the straight guys and gay porn for the ‘other team’. It was nice and simple,” he opines. “Sure, there was some overlap: what heterosexual guy doesn’t like to see a bit of red hot girl on girl action. I mean, it’s two horny birds for the price of one and sex without the risk of seeing a penis.” The influencer denies that he wants to repress gay and trans rights, but rather that, there needs to be more clarity for the average porn user to ensure that they don’t find themselves questioning their own sexual orientation because they’ve just realised that they’ve been beating off over someone of uncertain gender. “Not that I’m saying that straight guys might not be curious, maybe even fantasise a bit on occasion about this sort of stuff. They just don’t want to put it into practice,” he concedes. “I mean, those are just idle fantasies and we all have those. Indeed, even perfectly regular, conventional upright citizen types can have some pretty wild passing fantasies. So wild that if they enacted them, they might even get arrested.”
Such fantasies, though, are another worry for Kerkorvian. Not the fantasies themselves so much as his fear that the next step in censorship will to try and restrict even our own private sex fantasies. “With these increasing attempts to restrict and regulate what we can see, even online, I fear the next step will be to try and regulate our sexual fantasies and guys could find themselves banged up for just thinking about stuff,” he muses. “Because that’s the next step – these bloody anti-porn nutters will start employing mind readers – a literal thought police – to detect aberrant fantasies.” He speculates that idle thoughts which transgress certain lines in real life, could now get a person convicted, even if not enacted in reality. “Say, for instance, some bloke is driving along, spots a couple of girls in school uniform and, just for a minute, idly fantasises about schoolgirls. Obviously, in his fantasy, they’re of legal age and, in real life, he’d never consider such a thing, but if one of these psychic censors picks it up, he could find himself labelled a peado and arrested, or at least pursued by mobs with flaming torches,” he postulates. “This, despite the fact that he’s obviously not a peado, just a bloke with a bit of a kink about school uniforms.” The influencer does concede, however, that fantasising about girls young enough that, even though they are over the age of consent, could still be at school, is well dodgy and highly questionable on all sorts of moral grounds.
“It’s bad enough that you can be nicked for just wolf-whistling at a woman these days,” laments Kerkorvian. “I mean, what’s that all about? You’re just complimenting a woman on her beauty – because no man would whistle at a munter – next thing you find yourself getting handcuffed by some undercover police bird. Or worse, some undercover police bloke dressed as a bird!” As far as Kerkorvian is concerned, it is merely a matter of time before the anti-man lobby succeeds in persuading the government that it is necessary to police our private thoughts. “It’s a bloody nightmare, isn’t it?” he says. “What kind of world are we living in where a man’s sexual fantasies are no longer private? And even if they aren’t being monitored by some feminist psychic, he can’t even be sure that the object of his fantasies is actually a real woman! We have to fight back and I’m proposing, right now, that we start demanding that porn sites provide documentary proof that their models are actual, biological, women before allowing us to see them getting their norks out. Moreover, just to be certain that your fantasies as you jerk off over them are truly private I’m advising all blokes to start wearing tinfoil hats, just to be safe.”
