Following a US tabloid’s sensational claims that President-elect Trump is actually an alien, or a reptile, or perhaps even a Russian agent, a British political expert is alleging that Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn is, in fact, a right-wing infiltrator, on a mission to destroy the party. “When are people going to open their eyes and realise that he’s some kind of Tory mole?” asks Dr Abe Penk, Senior Lecturer in Politics at Bracknell Horticultural College. “I mean, how else can you explain his apparent desire to undermine the Parliamentary party with threats of deselection and stuffing the shadow cabinet with his cronies, not to mention his alienation of traditional labour voters with his constant wooing of extremist crack pots like the Socialist Workers Party?  Week after week the incompetence and failed policies of the Tory government are presenting Labour with open goals, yet Corbyn misses every one of them, continually failing to hold them to account.  Who other than another Tory would keep letting them off the hook like that?” Writing in the New Democrat magazine, Penk has claimed that Corbyn is a deep cover agent, infiltrated into the Labour Party more than thirty years ago as part of a long-term plot by right-wing elements of the Tory Party to destroy the Labour movement from within. “I mean, who better to successfully infiltrate the Labour party as part of a long-term plot to destroy it from within than some middle class beardie weirdie drop out?” he writes in his article. “Nobody would suspect him, would they? He’s the stereotypical leftie, isn’t he? Perhaps too stereotypical to be true?”

The clues to Corbyn’s true nature, the academic believes, are clear for anyone to see. “Despite of all his attempts to present himself as some kind of ‘man of the people’, concerned with the plight of the ordinary citizen, Corbyn has actually led a life of relative privilege,” he contends. “He’s basically a middle class, privately educated pseudo socialist from Wiltshire who has successfully passed himself off as a North London left wing radical for years. You’d be surprised how easy it is to fool some people on the left in this respect: generally, all you have to do is grow a beard and wear one of those peaked caps, give the odd clenched fist salute and they think you are Trotsky’s cousin.” Penk also points to Corbyn’s record of obstruction with regard to Labour’s leadership. “Most MPs, even left wing back benchers can point to some record of achievement, in constructive amendments to Bills, successful campaigns for minorities and the like, but what has Corbyn got to show for his years in parliament?” he asks. “A record of obstructing Labour governments by voting against them in the Commons, that’s what! His lack of loyalty to the movement is manifest!”

Worse even than voting against his own government, Penk argues, has been Corbyn’s opposition to the expulsion of entrants linke the Militant Tendency from the party. “Not only did he oppose then leader Neil Konnick’s attempts to expel hard left elements who were clearly destroying Labour’s electoral credibility and undermining its values, has been his continued support for them,” he contends. “Now that he’s leader, Corbyn is encouraging the bastards back into the party – both of his leadership victories have been thanks to such entryists!” Indeed, Penk believes that facilitating the infiltration of Labour by the Militant Tendency in the eighties was Corbyn’s original mission. “Once Kinnock succeeded in expelling them, paving the way for the eventual election victories under Blair, he was reduced to back bench obstructionism,” opines the lecturer. “But he and his puppet masters bided their time and clearly couldn’t believe their luck when Ed Miliband introduced a new electoral college for the Labour leadership, based purely upon a vote of the party membership. Even better, he allowed just about anybody to vote in the election by paying five quid! Once they’d got Corbyn onto the ballot, it was just a matter of getting all those left wing loonies to pay their fiver and the Tories had effectively taken control of the party!”

The policies pursued by Corbyn as leader give further credence to his allegations, Penk believes. “He and his cronies keep claiming that the policies he advocates are popular with the electorate, yet the party’s popularity continues to plummet,” he points out. “Even when Labour does have popular policy, he goes out of his way to undermine them – just look at the EUU referendum! Corbyn’s lack of leadership and enthusiasm, (not to mention the blatant efforts of his back room staff to compromise the campaign), fatally hobbled the ‘Remain’ campaign, which had started off well in the lead! Brexit, which will inevitably leave the less well off even worse off and erode workers’ rights, is down to that bastard!” He also points to Labour’s post-referendum statements on Brexit as further evidence of Corbyn’s attempts to destroy popular support for the party. “Forty eight per cent of the electorate – that’s nearly bloody half – voted to remain in the EU, surely a natural source of support for Labour,” he says. “Yet do they try to woo those potential voters by speaking for them? Like buggery they do! Instead, we get Corbyn demanding the immediate triggering of Article Fifty and spouting all the same bollocks as the Tories about the ‘will of the people embodied in the referendum result’ meaning that they can’t oppose Brexit! Utter shit! The referendum isn’t binding and it was a tiny majority for Brexit! ”

This craven attitude on Europe is only to be expected, Penk believes. “To have the courage to actually speak for the forty eight per cent would require leadership,” he argues. “Which is something we’re never going to get as long as that waste of space Corbyn remains leader. He’s spent decades trying to undermine the party from the sidelines, but now he’s seized control of the party he can make them unelectable for generations to come with his incompetence and intransigence.” In addition to the Brexit debacle, Penk highlights Corbyn’s threats that Labour MPS opposing him could face deselection. “I ask you,” he says, “why else would a Labour leader be seemingly so Hell bent on deselecting sitting Labour MPs with safe majorities in favour of unelectable left-wing loons, unless he was actually a Tory infiltrator?”