In a surprising development, Civil liberties and racial equality groups were yesterday praising new government ant-terror legislation, when it was used to deport a notorious far-right politician from the UK to Liberia. Still protesting his innocence and demanding to see his MP, thirty-eight year old Keith Trunnock, a former British National Party (BNP) affiliated local councillor in Bradford, was dragged, kicking and screaming, onto a Liberian Airways Boeing 737 at Manchester airport last night. “You can’t do this to me, you bastards! I’m a British citizen,” the handcuffed extremist, who has previously advocated the forced repatriation of Britons of Afro-Carribean and Asian origin, pleaded as he was bundled up the steps and onto the aircraft. “I’m white for God’s sake – surely you’re only allowed to do this to black people and Muslims?” Trunnock fell foul of new laws allowing the deportation of extremists who advocate racial and religious hatred and incite violence. “Whilst this legislation is actually directed at foreign nationals living in Britain, we’ve managed to exploit legal technicalities to have it applied to home-grown extremists,” explains a spokesperson for the Council for Racial Equality. “In Mr Trunnock’s case, we discovered that his paternal great grandfather was the result of an illicit liaison between a nineteenth century plantation owner and a subsequently freed African slave woman – hence his deportation to Liberia, a state founded by his fellow freed slaves.” Despite allegations of hypocrisy, civil liberties groups have refused to take up Trunnock’s case. “Hell, I know we should really be worried by this blatant infringement of someone’s human rights, but frankly I couldn’t give a toss about these racist bastards,” commented top human rights solicitor Dominic Frankland. “I hope they deport a few more of them to the most brutal and corrupt third world regimes they can find!”

Whilst it might be assumed that the Liberian government would hardly welcome the enforced arrival in their country of a self-proclaimed racist, Justice Minister Joseph Milla has told The Sleaze that they are preparing a special welcome for Mr Trunnock. “After spending so many years stereotyping black people as savages and cannibals, we wouldn’t want to disappoint him, ” he chuckles, putting on a huge feathered head-dress and stoking up the fire beneath the huge cooking-pot standing in the middle of his Ministry’s courtyard. “I’m even prepared to stick a bone through my nose, if it will help put him at ease!” Indeed, far from protesting at this legal development in the UK, countries are already queuing up to become potential destinations for deportees. “We’ve been researching the family histories of several of your racists to establish whether they would be eligible for deportation here,” says a Turkish Foreign Ministry official. “That Tory MP who is always going on about how we Turks are a bunch of filthy sodomisers – it turns out his great uncle’s second wife’s cousin was from Ankara! I can tell you, we’ve got a gay old time lined up for him!”

Whilst Trunnock’s deportation has sent many prominent British right-wing extremists scurrying to immigration centres to claim asylum, on the grounds that they face persecution, let alone unwelcome penetration, if deported, others see relocation overseas as an opportunity. “Some of those Islamic countries don’t seem that bad,” ponders Richard Thring of the notorious nationalist organisation the British League of St George. “I mean, they have proper punishments for law breakers there – hands lopped off for theft, knackers off for adultery and beheadings for certain parking offences! Now that’s a real deterrent -not like that wishy-washy community service our liberal Judges hand out!” It isn’t just the fact that one can walk the streets of Muslim cities such as Tehran in safety which impresses Thring, but the fact that these countries still seem to have moral values which are adhered respected by the population. “I know they’re not white, or even Christian, but at least their people still have some respect for their institutions,” he says. “Unlike our churches, their mosques aren’t half empty! No one vandalises them or shows disrespect to their holy scriptures, either! Women know their place and you don’t see any of hairy hippie bastards out on the streets protesting against wars and the like! Oh no, they’ve more respect for their government and leaders!”

His sentiments have been echoed by fellow right-wingers such as Norbert Slinger of the Aryan Sword movement, who has announced that he’s considering conversion to Islam. “Islam-Christianity, they’re basically the same. They’re both about spreading the word of guys with beards and launching bloody holy wars in defence of your faith,” he told The Sleaze. “It’s just that these days they seem better at it than us Christians – we’ve gone soft! It’s no coincidence that once we imposed our decadent western values upon Iraq, the whole place turned to shit and anarchy set in! Believe me, the only people who can impose the kind of order and values we on the right have been banging on about for decades are the Muslims! Get with the programme – now is the time to be establishing a strong British Islam for white people!”

Perhaps even more shocking than Slinger’s proposed conversion to Islam are suggestions from Henry Feldergate, chairman of the British Nationalist League, that the extreme right drop the racist element from their ideology altogether. “Look, we all know that nobody really joins a British nationalist organisation just because they hate blacks or Asians – it’s all about otherwise insignificant little men being able to make themselves feel important,” he argues. “We don’t have to target ethnic minorities to do that; we can always pick on old people, the disabled, students or even smokers – everybody hates them – instead! All this race hate is just getting us a bad name and risking prosecution and deportation – we badly need to overhaul our image.”

Feldegate has already sent shockwaves through the nationalist movement – during his unsuccessful general election campaign in Birmingham he was photographed openly kissing black and Asian babies on doorsteps. “We have to be seen as caring, as the friend of the ethnic minorities,” he explains. “If we want to get rid of them, we have to convince them that it is for their own good, that they really don’t want to live in a shit-hole like Britain; that they’d much rather be relocated – at our expense – somewhere far pleasanter!” As part of this change of image, Feldegate and his organisation are organising a series of ‘Live8’ style concerts, to raise funds for sending ethnic minorities, voluntarily, out of the country. “I’m hoping to get Bob Geldof involved, as long as Africa comes into it somewhere he’ll do anything,” says Feldergate. “I’m even hoping to organise a ‘Sail-8’ type event, where yachtsmen and small boat owners agree to take immigrants and asylum seekers back across the channel and dump them in France – I’ve heard that the Daily Mail might be interested in sponsoring it!”