“People are so poor that they are having to rely on food banks to feed their families and what are the government doing? They’re building a massive secret space station with all the money they’ve supposedly saved through their spending cuts, that’s what!” Former Tory advisor Llewellyn Bungalow has claimed in a recent podcast for Practical Conspiracies magazine. “For the past five years they’ve been constructing this secret space station. That’s where all the public money they’ve supposedly been ‘saving’ has gone: into a series of secret rocket launches to carry the materials for the station’s construction in geosynchronous orbit above the UK.” The station, Bungalow claims, is huge, dwarfing the International Space Station. “Obviously, they’ve ensured that it is invisible to radar, so its existence isn’t suspected by any of the other world powers. The rockets taking the materials into orbit for its construction were all secretly launched from those deep coal mines they’ve shut,” he says. “This project – known as ‘Operation Blue Heaven’ – has been in the planning for decades, they were just been waiting for the opportunity to seize power again in order to start implementing it.” According to the thirty two year old, during their thirteen year exile from power, it had become obvious to senior Tories that the kind of rapacious capitalism they favoured would be unsustainable in the long term as it would quickly deplete the world’s resources. “They knew that they needed an escape plan, a safe haven they could retreat to whilst the world fell apart,” he claims. “Somewhere they could live in luxury, having ransacked the earth’s resources, without the inconvenience of having to put up with the poor, the disabled and the needy.”

Not surprisingly, Bungalow’s extraordinary claims that the government is planning to escape into space once they have finished asset-stripping the country have been dismissed out of hand by ministers, who have pointed out that he was only ever an advisor to the Tory group on Glamorgan County Council and was dismissed after pornography was found on his official laptop. But a growing number of economists are questioning the true motivation behind the Tories’ economic policies. Indeed, with Chancellor George Osborne warning that the UK’s economy is facing a ‘toxic cocktail’ of threats, raising fears of further swingeing cuts in public spending, many commentators are now asking where the money ‘saved’ by the previous five years of cuts has actually gone. “According to the Tories and their Liberal lickspittles, when the coalition came to power in 2010, the cuts in spending were necessary in order to pay off the deficit,” top economist Simon Frooker told The Sleaze this week. “But more than five years on and with a Tory majority government in power, the deficit is still there and Osborne is still giving dire warnings about the state of the economy – so if they didn’t spend the money on the deficit, what have they done with it? I mean, it isn’t as if they stopped taking in tax revenues – they whacked up VAT to twenty per cent early on – and just look at all the dough they boast about having raised by selling off national assets. Where has it all gone if they haven’t been spending it on public services or cutting the deficit – surely they can’t really be building a secret space station?”

Frooker isn’t alone in questioning why the Tories have laid waste to public services, slashed the UK’s defences to dangerous levels and run down manufacturing if it wasn’t to reduce the deficit, something they claimed was essential to the UK’s economic recovery. “The fact is that the UK economy is still -by Osborne’s own admission – at death’s door,” comments Milton Whitehole, Senior Lecturer in Economics at the Berkshire School of Pet Care. “It’s as if they are hell-bent on destroying the country altogether – they just don’t seem to care about the damage they are doing.”
But it isn’t just the UK economy which seems to be under threat from Tory economic policy. “David ‘Hug a Husky’ Cameron’s U-turn on environmental issues – calling on his ministers to ‘cut the green crap’ and paying the Chinese billions to build nuclear power stations – is particularly disturbing,” leading environmentalist Jack Porridge told The Sleaze. “With their demotion of renewable and clean energy sources in favour of nuclear and more fossil fuels, it’s as if they want to choke the planet to death with pollutants. That’s if climate change, which they now seem to want to ignore, doesn’t get us first.” According to Bungalow, of course, the Tories have good reason to be utterly indifferent to the fate both of the British economy and the environment.

“They’re quite happy to be running it all into the ground, because they don’t think they’ll be here to suffer the consequences,” he says. “Right now they are asset-stripping the country and environment for all that it is worth, extracting everything they can, regardless of the damage, before they leave it behind for their ‘Blue Heaven’.” Bungalow, who claims to have seen the plans for the station, told listeners to the podcast that it would include several domed sections, each containing a different earth environment. “One would have a lake, another a traditional English wood, others might contain a tropical environment – it will be like they have never left the earth,” he explained. “The idea is for the cabinet, top advisers, major financial contributors to the party, a few senior peers and backbenchers and their families to be sent to the station just before things get too toxic down here. They’ll form the breeding stock for a whole new Tory hierarchy who will eventually be able to descend from the sky in God-like fashion, to rule over the primitives who inhabit a future Britain. They’re banking on the fact that given a few decades, or even centuries, and the earth might have begun to repair some the damage they’ve done to it!”

Simon Frooker concedes that Bungalow’s bizarre claims might have some merit. “It would explain many aspects of their economic policies – all that outsourcing of public services to companies like G4S who then don’t fulfil the contracts, yet don’t repay the money or face legal sanctions,” he muses. “Clearly, they were just a front to secretly transfer pubic funds to this secret space project.” He also believes that it could explain the government’s enthusiasm for such environmentally destructive activities as fracking. “Not only is it a way of extracting every last drop of fossil fuel from a country they intend abandoning, but the earth tremors fracking can cause could be used as cover for their rocket launches,” the economist opines. “It also explains their attitudes toward the poor and the disabled – they aren’t fit to ascend to their ‘heavenly’ space station, so they just don’t give a damn about them. They don’t care if they live in hovels and have to eat out of skips – they won’t be here to see it!” Environmentalist Jack Porridge is also coming around to believing Bungalow’s allegations. “The Tories disregard for environmental issues is nothing short of criminal,” he says. “The only explanation for such reckless, short-sighted policies on everything from energy to carbon emissions is that they don’t think that they’ll be here to suffer the consequences – they’ll be on their ‘Blue Heaven’ space station.”