Only the second editorial of the year and already I’m alternately foaming at the mouth and despairing at the rank stupidity of large swathes of the human race. Clearly, the problem is worse than I feared and the idiots are far closer to taking over completely than I originally suspected. Apparently it’s OK to torture terror suspects in order to avoid terror attacks, and those G20 protesters who were beaten up by the police were ‘asking for it’. At least, according to the morons who text into news programmes. For fuck’s sake! Have educational standards in this country degenerated to the point at which such demented dribblings can possibly pass for informed topical comment? If so, may God have mercy on our souls! Horror films frequently present the ultimate nightmare as being a world overrun by flesh eating zombies. In reality, it is seeing the world overrun by drooling idiots. Terrifyingly, this latter scenario is rapidly coming to pass. Maybe I’m overreacting. Perhaps the kind of mindless cretins who phone or text into radio and TV programmes and post on topical message boards aren’t representative of the human race as a whole. There’s always the chance that these mentally deficient arse heads are some form of random mutation produced by over-exposure to junk food, reality TV and social networking sites, and that all these phone-ins and message boards are actually part of a cunning plan on the part of the authorities to identify and neutralise them. Knowing these idiots can’t resist sharing their worthless ‘opinions’ with the rest of the world, the authorities know that they’ll be drawn inexorably to the ‘fly paper’ of these phone-ins, where their details will be logged so that they can be taken into ‘protective custody’ in a home for the terminally stupid. I sincerely hope so – after all, how many times do you get a repeat caller on one of these phone-ins? However, until I get concrete proof that this actually is happening, I’m going to barricade myself in my house and, armed to the teeth, await the final holocaust, when the ravening idiotic hordes run amok, civilisation having collapsed due to their inability to manage their own feeble lives, let alone the economy or industrial infrastructure. Believe me, it’s only a matter of time before hospitals, schools, refuse collections and other amenities cease to function due to a lack of intelligent people to run them. Take my advice and get those shotguns ready, although I’m not sure if shooting the idiots in the head will have any effect. But it’s worth trying.
OK, having got the longest-ever opening rant out of the way, let’s get down to proper business. First off, I really must apologise for this latest editorial being so delayed. I’m afraid I got too involved in my latest hobby – mindless, but completely legal, violence. It’s really very simple, all you have to do is find out where there’s going to be a peaceful demonstration, then go along dressed in a fluorescent jacket, balaclava and crash helmet, and armed with a pickaxe handle, and infiltrate your way into the police lines. Nobody will give you a second glance as you lay into a few hippies and news vendors – the public are used to the police hiding their identities by removing their numbers and hiding their faces, so your authority will never be challenged. Go on, try it for yourselves. It’s easy, and highly entertaining. Particularly if you are a moron. You see, this is yet another manifestation of the rise of the idiots. Clearly, they’ve infiltrated the police force. It’s surely the only explanation for the fact that we now seem to be being policed by a bunch of moronic thugs who equate maintaining law and order with beating up anybody not dressed in a uniform. Curiously, I always thought that we lived in a civil society, where the role of the police was to protect our rights and liberties, rather than repress them. But obviously, as someone who can remember the miner’s strike and the ‘Battle of the Bean Field’, I really shouldn’t be surprised. They’ve been beating people up for decades. The only difference is that where they previously concentrated in kicking the shit out of the working class Northerners and lentil-eating ‘New Age’ Travellers, the police have now moved on to beating seven bells out of middle class liberals and environmentalists, thereby displaying their contempt for all strata of civil society. Of course, it’s all our own fault for having the audacity to actually exercise our rights. After all, we’re told often enough that we should simply think ourselves lucky to have the right to protest, the clear implication being that we shouldn’t expect to be allowed to protest. I’m sure there are plenty of other rights we should be grateful for, but not exercise; the right to a fair trial, the right to vote, or the right to silence, for instance.
Ironically, only a few weeks ago the police and their apologists in the press were spending a fair amount of time working themselves up into a state of seething outrage over their portrayal as corrupt and brutal thugs in Channel Four’s adaptation of David Peace’s Red Riding quartet. They were all quite adamant that they weren’t like that in the 1970s. Maybe not (although there is plenty of evidence to the contrary), but they’re definitely brutal bastards right now. The only difference being that, instead of beating false confessions out of people in the privacy of police cells, they now batter them senseless in full view of TV cameras. Mind you, those people taking a kicking in cells probably deserved it – it was the only way the cops could get the information they needed to solve heinous crimes. Except they didn’t. The reality is that confessions obtained under duress are generally worthless. People can be made to admit to just about anything under the right conditions. After all, Matthew Hopkins, the self-styled ‘Witch Finder General’ succeeded in getting several people to confess to being witches using methods similar to those employed by both police and CIA interrogators – sleep deprivation, intimidation, water tortures (duckings in the case of Hopkins, ‘water boarding’ in the case of the CIA). Obviously, unless we believed that these people really were witches, their confessions were patently false. But obviously, the idiots who support the use of torture probably do believe in witchcraft. But I’m ranting again. Changing tack, better news on the traffic front. The Sleaze is now officially off of life support and breathing on its own. A modest upturn in traffic (as sudden and mysterious as the downturn which has been afflicting us since last June), has been sustained for a couple of weeks now. It will probably crash now that I’ve said that, but what the Hell! Until next time – keep it sleazy, and shoot those slavering idiots in the mouth, at least then they might shut the fuck up.