Big bouncy breasts, shapely arses glowing from a good hard spanking and huge erect penises. Sorry, that’s just another blatant attempt by me to put this page to the top of Google’s search results for popular pornography terms. These days you’ve got to snatch (there’s another good porn term, inserted inadvertently)traffic wherever you can these days. Frankly, such is Google’s continued determination to wipe small sites off of the web completely, I’m amazed we’re still here. But here we are, and we’re finally embarking upon the first editorial of 2014. It’s been a long time coming, but the fact is that since the beginning of the year we’ve had a fine run of stories here and it seemed a shame to interrupt them. But, finding ourselves in a creative lull, now seemed the perfect time for a slice of demented ranting. On the face of it, there should be plenty to rant about right now, what with the continued lunacy of bonkers Education Secretary Michael Gove and his attempts to rewrite the history of World War One, police corruption and misconduct, missing airliners, President Putin’s denial of his homosexual feelings reaching ridiculous new heights as he invades Crimea in an attempt to prove his heterosexuality and much, much more besides. But the thing is, since the new year I’ve been finding it harder and harder to become outraged at all this shit.

It isn’t that I don’t find them outrageous and despicable, you understand, but I just can’t seem to get worked up about them in the way that I used to. Time was that the mere mention of David Cameron’s name would have me foaming at the mouth in rage as I denounced him as a snivelling public school shit. In the case of sometime Tory Party deputy chairman Michael Fallon, every time I saw him on TV I found myself shouting ‘Cunt!’ at the screen – I’ve been banned from Currys for life as a result. But even when he was appointed ‘Minister for Portsmouth’ (despite having no connection with the city) in another government publicity stunt designed to make us think that they actually care about the city’s workers in the wake of their shipyard closures, I could barely muster a v-sign at the telly. I suspect that the problem is that I’m suffering from ‘outrage fatigue’. Perhaps this government has established itself as being so evil and corrupt that now nothing it does can outrage me any more. Likewise, international financiers and billionaire bankers have shown that there really are no depths to which they won’t stoop in their determination to cling to their ill-gotten wealth that their continued manipulation of the world’s goverments for their own ends just can’t shock me any more.

Perhaps that’s all part of their plan: to so bombard us with political atrocities that we become so used to their extremism that our ‘outrage threshold’ is raised impossibly high. If we can no longer become outraged, they probably figure, then we’ll stop protesting. But it isn’t just government policy and the economic decadence of bankers and their ilk which we’re all in danger of becoming numbed to. Looking back on 2013, with Edward Snowden and the Prism revelations, it’s difficult to see what this year can throw up which will be even more outrageous. Let’s face it, if the general reaction to the final unravelling of the lies behind the ‘War on Terror’ which played out last year are anything to go by, people already don’t seem to care about the systematic destruction of our civil liberties this century has seen. What hope is there that anything can stir them into action this year? Damn it, we’ve learned that our governments routinely spy on us without cause, that we condone illegal drone strikes against alleged terrorists half way around the world, (with some remote operator acting as judge, jury and executioner), whilst at home we have record numbers of people reliant on food banks to survive, yet the general public still seem complacent!

Clearly, we need to find ways to restore our outrage levels. I mean, the right do it all the time, principally via the medium of the Daily Mail, Daily Express and The Sun. What else do you think all those lurid (not to mention ludicrous) headlines are all about? ‘Queen’s Swans Eaten by Romanian Single Mothers’, ‘Illegal Immigrant Gang Targets Pensioners’ False Teeth’ and ‘Sex Crazed Peadophile Priests’ Depraved Orgies Lower House Prices in Kensington’ are the sort of thing guaranteed to keep middle class, middle England reactionaries’ outrage (not to mention blood pressure) boiling over. The rest of us might just laugh at such obviously fake stories, but for the right wing drone out there, they are fuel, designed to stoke up their outrage at the left by reinforcing all of their ignorant stereotypes. There are no depths they won’t stoop to in order to keep those fires of outrage burning. Just look at the Mail‘s recent raking over the fact that back in the seventies the Peadophile Information Exchange (which was then still legal) was, for a while, affiliated to the National Council for Civil Liberties, (now Liberty), from which, through a series of increasingly hysterical articles, they effectively ended up equating a belief in civil liberties with peadophilia.

So, what we need is some sort of equivalent to the Daily Mail‘s diet of bile in order to help us combat our ‘outrage fatigue’. However, I can’t see The Guardian running hysterical stories about gangs of Old Etonians bum raping working class grannies for kicks or whatever, so we’ll have to do this ourselves. On a daily basis we all have to imagine the most appalling, stomach churning atrocities being committed, personally, by top Tories. Now, I know this will take a stretch of imagination to come up with something even worse than the shit that they are already doing, but it is entirely necessary. The worse the image the better – try starting with Michael Gove exposing himself to a class of primary school children as part of a new Tory policy to get poor children used to the idea of the sex crimes the Tories are always claiming are rampant thanks to the internet, and work up from there – as we’ve got to get the fires of outrage blazing again. I know that we all risk madness by holding these images and ideas in our heads, but these are desperate times, we have to get ourselves seething with anger to the point that we just punch anyone dressed like a banker in the face on sight. So, start thinking of those Tory bastards committing the foulest acts imaginable and, hopefully, when we reconvene for the nr=ext editorial we’ll all be suitably outraged! Until then, keep it sleazy!

Doc Sleaze