Tag: Brexit

The Holiday Refugees

Desperate to avoid queues at ports, British holidaymakers resort to buying boats from refugees newly arrived in Kent in order to cross illegally to France. Asylum seekers complain of consequent lack of boats for them, while some Brits find themselves on flights to Rwanda as they try to return from holiday same way as they left.

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White Man’s Delight

New company offers ‘White Man’s Delight’ holidays for UK bigots disenchanted with Brexit Britain. Plan to buy a small country and institute ‘woke free’ regime for visitors to enjoy ‘politically incorrect holidays’ abusing women and minorities, consequence free. Promise England in the seventies-style ‘paradise’ for those tired of ‘wokery’.

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Hypno-Gove!

Is Michael Gove using his hypnotic powers for evil? Journalist claims top Tory using mesmeric gaze to get women to undress, delude voters into voting for Brexit and convincing nation that Boris Johnson is actually Prime Minister. Allegations dismissed as ridiculous by mesmerised media.

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Smut on the Beach

As environmentalist battle to clean up latest porn spillage to hit Britain’s beaches, experts ask if vast quantities of contraband European porn washing up on the coast is result of Brexit? Tory MPS. meanwhile, propose temporary visa scheme to alleviate current Brexit-inspired shortages of continental sex workers and mistresses.

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Battle of the Bangers!

UK-EU ‘Sausage War’ kicks off as Nigel Farage attempts to drive German sausage sellers from British streets. Former UKIP leader accused of treachery after allegedly being seen eating Bratwurst whilst wearing false moustache – angry mob pelts him with British bangers.

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Fishy Business

Was UK’s post-Brexit fishing deal actually negotiated by Larry the Downing Street cat? Allegations of fish-fetishism at highest levels of government abound as ministers face fish-based attacks from angry fishermen. Military action threatened as ‘British’ fish defect to EU waters.

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No Deal, Santa

How will a ‘No Deal’ Brexit affect Santa Claus? Will he have to pay extra tariffs on the presents he is delivering? Will he have to meet quotas for UK-made presents? Is he too European? Right wingers call for creation of new British festive icon – Nigel Farage volunteers.

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Mondo Farage

Propaganda or parody? New pseudo-documentary featuring Nigel Farage divides critics with its apparently faked scenes of former UKIP leader chasing immigrants off of beaches and of immigrant communities in London practicing ritual sacrifices. Modern day Mondo or offensive agit-prop?

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Fool Britannia

Outrage as left-wing journalist suggests that Last Night of the Proms be used as opportunity to cull the extreme right, by sealing doors of Albert Hall and gassing audience. Dismisses populist patriotic favourites like ‘Rule Britannia’ as ‘irrelevant’ as Tory government threatens to have him classified as terrorist organisation.

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Tory Death Cult

Is the Tory Party under Boris Johnson actually a death cult? Top political analyst claims Tory supporters being lead into oblivion by a false Messiah.

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The Turning of Nigel Farage

Has Brexit Party leader Nigel Farage been converted to the cause of Remain? Has he been secretly brain-washed by EU with aim of sabotaging latest Bexit deal? Or is he victim of black magic plot on part of powerful witch doctor and Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn?

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Smash and Grab?

Parliamentarians fear any attempt to arrest law breaking Prime Minister Boris Johnson might result in parliament being smashed by his Hulk alter ego. Experts, however, believe if Johnson allowed to break law with impunity, law breaking will be legitimised and the UK overwhelmed by lawlessness.

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Broken Up Britain

If Brexit has ‘broken’ Britain, with opinion on leave or remain splitting the population down the middle, is the solution to break up Britain? Cross party political group propose North-South split, with South staying in EU and North cast adrift. Strict North to South immigration rules suggested to protect Southern jobs.

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Trump Island

Is government planning to sell UK to Donald Trump post-Brexit? Former Tory adviser suggests sale would solve UK’s problems in event of no deal Brexit by obviating need for trade deals and replacing expensive public services with Trump corporate services.

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Send Them Home!

‘Send them home!’ In wake of New Zealand mosque terror shootings, Maori leaders call for European immigrants to go home. Sentiments echoed by Australian Aboriginals and Native Americans as all call for end to mass white immigration. Native Americans propose wall around US to keep out white hordes.

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Bum’s Rush

Fears that post-Brexit toilet paper shortages could lead to civil unrest. Government prepares plans for rationing (two sheets per dump) and martial law, while citizens explore potentially hazardous alternatives including newspaper and scouring pads.

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